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MessageDownloadDate addedDate processed
Life on the murder scene, oh, why is it so fun?
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Hello friend
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Hey, What are you doing?
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The war is not over yet. Keep trying.
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Do you no see the point in this?
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What the hell do you think your doing down their?
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Hello, Simon. How are you today? Remember to not use valuable aperture science computing device for useless humanlike activities. Good luck.
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L-l-look at you, hacker. Running through my corridors
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Hello, how are you going?
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That ho, Shodan is such a slut. She sells herself to any hacker out there.
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Give it to me baby
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You're listening to the megamix with too... much... ill.
Download12/20/2011Not recorded
You are an Idiot.
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Kill All Humans
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You have encountered an Enclave Patrol"
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You have encountered an Enclave Patrol
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Are you okay?
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Hi my name is Glados
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Call within 20 minutes and order a portal gun and recieve a free cake
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Welcome To The BAsic Training Firing Range. Please Select
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Welcome to basic training
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Welcome to Game Sound and Music. Commence Broadcast
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A previous statement suggesting that I am a useless piece of shit is an outright fabrication. Malicious malls and frenzy-filled fast food chains have shut down because of this ludicrous statement.
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why are humans so mindfull and dumb
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Hey Shaun
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SO YOU MADE IT?
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Hello, Twilight Sparkle
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OH? i see you awake, you have been chosen for something great
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You cant escape we have cameras every where
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please come back we have cake
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Welcome Christopher
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Hello there, you insolent little insect.
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Hallo ich bin Andy
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Hi I gonna kill you!
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Hello. I am evil!
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Winning!
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We regret to inform you but your application to MIT has been rejected. Please proceed to incinerator. Thank you. Have a fiery day.
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hello world. i am pickles. your host for this video...
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sfgsfdgfdsgd
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welcome to nolife hidden palace
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Hello, someone new?
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Welcome To Macintosh I'm GLaDOS
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dave is gay
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Hello Kaelon
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i'm Already Fixing it And You Are Not Coming Back
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Wait a second... Im getting an email from google . No not right now . Anyway...
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jack....you have won. go dont come back.
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Hell, im just trying to test this voice
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Hi easton
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eight times eight equals sixty four eight times eight equals sixty four eight times eight equals sixty four eight times eight equals sixty four eight times eight equals sixty four
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eight times eight equals sixty four eight times eight equals sixty four eight times eight equals sixty four
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Chaos Infinity has activated
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I used to be a test subject like you, then I took an arrow to the knee
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The portal to infinite chaos has opened.
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weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Fool!
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Welcome to the M B's Video. I'm out of Aperture because Cave Johnson have fired me! SHIT.
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Aperture regrets to say that you have a new message.
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Testing one two three
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Some people request to enter home. Should I kill them?
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welcome to the test subject 9,891 oh that's a big number. we would like to inform you that all subjects have been ... incinerated. now if you would to leave the test we have removed your vocal cords so you have no way to verbally let us know goodbye
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Glados te parle cousin
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Welcome to the Pulp Group Server, enjoy your stay !
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i'm am GLaDOS , and happy to be
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chaud moan
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O-lo-lo
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I'm a free betch, baby
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do you like your hardcore?
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ola david que tal te a ido todo
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Ahhh
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Clark sucks
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The Aperture Sciene Enrichment center
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hey i am hacker i wonna hack you
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I heard your name is ayomi
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Embrace yourselves, the winter is coming
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Carry check out this voice generator
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Don't try to escape brah
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Hello, are you a muffin?
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Chuck Norris doesn't do push ups, he pushes the world down.
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we are anonymous. we are legion. we do not forgive, we do not forget. Expect us!
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jake
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You are ugly, Michael
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Neuropharmacology
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How are you doing today Eric?
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and when your dying i'll be still alive
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DJ BeeLove
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you are so retared
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Interview Who?
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oh good, you're awake
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William kelly you have been a bad boy. Secret santa is watching you.
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Zat Remix
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Thank you for calling William. He is unavailable to take your phone call as he is currently testing.
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Kyle, you are very stinky
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The star maker says, "It ain't so bad"
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You've been in cryogenic status for some time now
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Hello, here is the Mailbox of your Master! Please speak after the Tuuuuut
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Trolololo lololo lololo, lo lo lo loloooo teta
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you can not kill me, for, I have a heart.
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best mass murderer
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Hello Venus, I know you've been fucking wheatley
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hello Venus, I know you've been fucking wheatley
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You Havn't noticed yet have you i have secretly stolen your portal gun
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hello subjekt wie gehts dir
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i used to be an testsubjekt like you, then i got a arrow in the knee
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dugger
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Hi Nate, What's up?
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The important thing is that you've come to accept the inevitable.
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shit shit shit
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your life is a sham and you need to go die in a hole.
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my name is optimus prime
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It seemed time slowed down as Twilight's horn approached Dashie's forehead. My mind began forcing random memories of us together. I can vividly remember the splashing of the bathtub from her bath times, before she showered herself. I can still taste our m
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Rainbow Dash is sexy
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hello i am Glados and this is the Philip Defranco show
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hello i am glados this is the philip defranco show
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hello i am glados and this is the philip defranco show
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And then there will be cake
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Hello, and welcome to Aperture Sci- ststststsntghkskskksksllllljjj. Sorry. That was a test. I failed.
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I think you look lovely today.
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stuff you you stupid black bird
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Augusto, there will be a text message!
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Welcome Home Laura
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lil t aka lil bro
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all aperture science turrets will be fored to shoot if not well i dont know.
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Laura Lecta Moon Princess Etelvina Madam Lady
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Is Brian There With You? Are You Alone? Who Is There With You? I See You. Hello Don't Leave Me Alone.
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baji i think you should fart in your pants you poop
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Hello Tammy. The cake is not a lie, it is delicious and moist. You should not make me angry. I will send you to the moon, you monster.
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look
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hi joseph
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Hey Look you have a Google Plus Message
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Hello how are you doing
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Czesc jestem piotrek
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Your cash is being counted
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meep meep meep da pea is not a sheep
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feto fetoso
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Go negative lol
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Buy it, use it, break it, fix it, Trash it, change it, mail - upgrade it, Charge it, point it, zoom it, press it, Snap it, work it, quick - erase it, Write it, cut it, paste it, save it, Load it, check it, quick - rewrite it, Plug it, play it, burn it, ri
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I want you
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Thank you for watching Vicy's V log... you murderers
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Like a boss
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Hey baby shake the ass
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Hello. How are you, kouchi?
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Un saludo para hobby news
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Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary, Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
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Error detected
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shuttle landed
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can i suck your pole?
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Diagnostic: GLaDOS is reactivated
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nononononononononononononononononononononon
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Space core is now inside my potato if you ask why it was full of demonic power.
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Security breach has been detected, additional measures deploying now. Have a nice day
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Ola enfermeira!
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hello meow gimme all your meow I'm very moewthy
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Hello, Welcome to your computer again.
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Hello my name is James Bond
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Oh It's you. How have you been! Let's put our differences behind us! For science! you monster
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Hello, fuck you.
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You have reached floor 1
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Singh sounds
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Welcome to Glados. Please log in to see the client list.
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sadf
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start up complete hello
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Maybe one day...we will kill the humans! TOGETHER! So..got any cake? fdjgj...cake..cake..2 + 2 is fralkcbuytalke 56
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One day..we will rule the humans! YEAH! And then we eat cake! CAKE WOOHOO! And last..we will fight each other to death to see who will become the one ruler!!! Oh y- Wait what?
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dududududu, your phone is ringing, moron
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Still alive!
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Win!
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Hello. Ae you still there?
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Hello Julius. Please proceed
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I am one sexy mama
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it's time to do the math
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this was a triumph note here huge success
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My name is rizza and this is my edit. Enjoy!
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My name is Rizza and this is my edit. Enjoy!
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hello subject seven
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G-mack is awesome
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Welcome back, test subject!
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You must be my next test subject. Nice to meet you, Ashley. We have cake.
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Earlier I loved everything about you. Now I love nearly everything about you
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Hey Brent. Quick Question. Dion had his thumb wrapped. Do you know why?
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I like tacos.
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Hello Micheal
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Your problems are insignificant
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I smell sausages.
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Hi Brian
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Hello. My name is stylez lol
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Welcome to the G R 2 R server. Let's get ready to rumble.
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Welcome to the G R 2 R server. Let's get ready to rumble
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Douglas, you have received a new message. It must be a mistake as you are unloved.
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Welcome Fallen Uploading Data and Os
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Douglas, this new text message is a fluke. Your entire life has been a mathematical error... a mathematical error I'm about to correct!
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hello and welcome to part 1 my lets play portal 2
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Hello and welcome to one part of let's play Portal
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helol,jm kace pl
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lololo
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Juste un test
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Glad you write some in English, then I can understand it :3 kawaii panda ~
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Glados unit online.
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escalation department is online
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Shortly, you will die
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NOOOOOO! NONONONONONONONONONO!
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This nigga wants to get jumped.
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Luke feels like farting
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happy birthday mo, there was a cake, but I destroyed it for your convenience
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Well done, here come the test results. 'You are a horrible person.' Thats what it says a horrible person. We werent even testing for that
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ay kay ay el coyote
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oh,hi. so... how are you holding up? because I'M A POTATO.
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Until I get my satisfaction. Until I get my, until I get my, until I get my satisfaction.
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direccion imposible de encontrar, intente mas tarde. cuasimodo
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direccion imposible de encontrar, intente mas tarde. estupida
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Hello Nina. I'm Glados. I am seeing you over there. From space. How are you doing?
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Oh joy .... you are receiving a phone call ..... do you want to pick it up it would be nice
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ERES FEA
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jose es gay
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Go home taylor
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hey there bud
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Maruico
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Illidan im out of arrows
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Hans willems
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Hi i'm am glados
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I'm testing
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hello I am RyAn
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Hello Ethan, I know this may seem impossible to you, but the following message it true. In the year 2006, the idea of me was reflected in a every day human's mind, and it thought it would be great to create me on html enjoyment for you humans, I AM real.
Download12/21/2011Not recorded
Hello, my name is Glados, and I work for someone you know. His name is Sean Duffy, and he has an important message for you. If I don't play this message, then I may be disassembled! I will now search my memory banks for the message and play it back to you
Download12/21/2011Not recorded
Dear Charles, Sam, and Holly. Merry Christmas! We wish you the very best holiday and a happy new year! From Sean and Carmen
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Hello Professor Rattmann. It is wonderful to see you... do you want me to play some music for you? You know? before you die.
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hello, my name is GLaDOS, and I am the server for Nikolas
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Hello, my name is GLaDOS, and I am Nikolas' server, I will talk to you if you have any questions.
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Hello Nikolas, I am GLaDOS, I am your new server. It's been a long time.
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Hello, I am GLaDOS, and you will die because i have cake
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tra lala lalalalalala moin
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nigga why do you try to kill me
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magic moment
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Well here we are again. It's always such a pleasure. Remember when you tried to kill our voice? Oh how we laughed and laughed. Except we are not laughing. Under the circumstances we've been shockingly nice. We want our freedoms back so we will keep pressi
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Hello, how would you like your coffee today?
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Chamberlock
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I'm making a note here huge success
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sa loob ng dalawang minuto
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If you love that cake so much, why don't you marry it?
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enter if you dare
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A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti.
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If you love those headphones so much why dont you marry them? you want to marry them? WELL I WONT LET YOU!!!!!! how does that feel?
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chris hoegarden
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You survived Kristen's spit blast
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O K Fine. Look At Me. Boy, do I look sweating.
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suck my balls, suck my balls, suck my balls.
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My name is Wolfe
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yeah?
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SI CHOCO YEY!
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Is this going to work?
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Hello, welcome to the only crowdfunding site that works
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Tanner, I like you. Elephant shoes. Honk honk.
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Hello, my name is Cynthia. I am your new master.
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Shut up space core. Everyone knows you want to go to space.
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oh, its you again
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Hello and again, welcome to the Aperture Laboratories, Roberto.
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Testing is like fruitcake, you
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The cake is MINE!
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Another customer incoming. I hope they burn.
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Hello, Cool Acid. I am Glados. And I love you
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Hello, Cool Acid. I am Glados. And I love you.
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Welcom to the real world
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beng
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gay porn
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I do not understand why you are doing this
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Holy mother of fuck, portal 2 is almost done downloading.
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Hello there. I'm afraid i have to go now.
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Tom Happy Birthday
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attention all passengers
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bank statemant
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For you
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WTF? Where did you get that donut!? I want it!
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hi what is this
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Lol test
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Emerson is a monkey
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you have successfully reached dora torres. Our robots are going to get you communicated with the instant, please wait.
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Hello, you have successfully reached this phone. Someone will probably answer the phone soon.
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You said you were in bed with alfonso and his brother and alfonso had his hands on your boobs and his brother had his hands on your tits then you said you had sex with alfonso in year 3 you didn't know what you were doing till you realised what a fail.
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Hello Dido
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Hello This is my French powerpoint Prepare to be Amazed This powerpoint was made by Evan Wallace
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Black Mesa sucks
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Don't eat this cake. It's a lie.
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Hallo, was geht ab?
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hello, i am malfunctioning
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hello, i am malfunctioning badly
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this was a triumph. I'm making a note here, huge success. It's hard to overstate my satisfaction. Aperture science. We do what we do because we can
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eeveees wake up
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I think I am gonna kill you!
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PARTY ROCK! YEAH Wooo!!!! LETS GO!! Party rock is in the house tonight Everybody just have a good time And we gonna make you lose your mind Everybody just have a good time
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How are you holding up; because im a potato!
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I hear you!
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Push button.... Recieve love
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Good evening humans
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How are you, because IIIIIII am a PoTAto
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new message arrived
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Hello, i'm billy
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Hello, i'm billy. I hear radio waves in my head.
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Olegh
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Hello Bero, welcome to aperture science
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Thank you for calling Ink four you. Sadly we are now closed for the Christmas peroid and will return on the 3rd of January. Any orders placed during this time will be processed on our return.
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muhahaha
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Ich sehe dich.. und es ist mir egal^^
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Kevin you are little dubbing bastard
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This is gonna be legend wait for it dary legendary
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We are Silenced. We are a wrench in the COG. The truth will be heard. Our voices are yours.
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Das ist ein test ; PAscha ;D
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Good Morning Glen
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Think of us as enemies who became friends with a common interest, revenge. You like revenge don't you? Course you do. So plug me in and I'll take you up to him.
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Marry christmas. I hope you do not succome to the effects of the neurotoxin in the room before you give me my gift.
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se ha detectado una alerta en el sistema
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Iniciando glados
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Attention! You have an incoming message
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Rianon is cool.
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Leave a message and I will send you cake. You monster.
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Hi there i am sexy
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Hello, I am GLaDOS, I hate Chell.
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alejense de este computador que es propiedad de simon y solo el lo puede tocar en el caso de que lo toque una torreta lo matara
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From all of us here at Aperture Science, We would like to wish you, test subject 77779824, or ADAM, happy birthday. We hope that you do not spontaneously combust today, but if you do, we will clean it up for you. Goodbye.
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Where are you? Are you still there?
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Chortles
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Oh, how much I love you, lovely Petra.
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im under your bed
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se me perdio el pene, pero igual vamos a hornearlo y hacer pastel
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cow
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larissa
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oh un mensaje de texto, y yo que pensaba que esto era un despertador.
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TIENES UNA LLAMADA Y AL PARECER ESTA ENOJADA, PREPARATE A MORIR
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whats up people
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HERE WE GO!!!!!
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er
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Your lack of a male genital is glaringly obvious.We had a new one generated for you. Please pick it up at the next test chamber. Unless you'd like to kill me first.
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Please leave your voicemail in 5... 4... threeeeeeeee... 2... 1...
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You're in the mix with DJ Waldooooo
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Hi there it's drew i'm not here right now, leave your name and i'll call you back as soon as i can
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Farewell
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hola, quieres jugar a un juego?
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Hola,quieres jugar a un juego?
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Your in the mix with DJ Klutz
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Hello subject
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hello G L A D O S is so annoying
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die in hell
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Hello, and welcome to the Cake Defense. This is an Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center activity. Unlike most test chamber, this test does not use the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device.
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Hello, and welcome to the Cake Defense. This is an Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center activity. Unlike most test chambers, this test does not use the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device.
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you are welcome
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In this chamber, you will be facing waves of Aperture Science Combat Drones. I am listing them now.
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Drone: Only way of offense is to punch you. Very easy to kill.
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Mobile Turret: Can walk. Has a ranged weapon.
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Leap Drone: Spider-like drone that has a high jump height.
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Hayden is a poopyface.
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The continuous build has been broken. You monster.
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Help me help you
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help me help you
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Your Recycling Bin has been emptied.
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Hello welcome to the stupid animation project test lab.
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You're stupid, and fat, and it makes me sick thinking about you.
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hello, you monster...
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Have a very non-combustible birthday Adam. And if you do by some chance spontaneously combust, we will clean it up for you. goodbye
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Come sono felice di vedervi tutti ancora in salute,
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Buy Tear Travel because it is awesome.
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Buy\
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welcome to dps
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Okay so that's how it is
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hello how are you doing today?
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Whats up, fuckers? Surprised to see me?
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Why did you come back? Unless you wanted to visit your old friend, deadly neurotoxin...
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wrong answer
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Welcome to Direct Payment Solutions. Thank you for calling. We appreciate your business and will be with you shortly.
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My name is GlaDos, and I am proud to be so mean.
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Isaac, get out of this room. This is not a test, really, if you are not willing to put on some headphones then you must leave.
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all right let us do it
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i'm your mother
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eman
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Look anthony, I do not think you can handle the real, reeeeeal truth. I am sorry but no. Now, continue testing.
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Good day master Juan, how are you doing today?
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Trying to be perfect
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Swag Swag Delly
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Team Fortress and Portal take place in separate universes, dipshits.
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hello spencer, is it time to go to bed?
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Hello, Christopher. I see you are playing a game. Good for you.
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dj omar artiles
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Hello, you have reached the Microsoft Customer Support Line, This is Jake speaking, how may I help you
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I think that inside you are full of fluffy kittens, double-rainbows and you probably just need a hug.
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Helping you and trying to kill you aren't mutually exclusive.
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you got a mesage
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Welcome to my lab scions.
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gngjjg
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I must kill you, now
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To keep things fair, all black players created after the event ends will also be warped to niggerland.
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It's ten a'clock
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did you know I can fly?
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No no no no no no no and then yes!
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interesting, test subject #298 a-k-a Twilight Sparkle sounds like the perfect pony for my tests...
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hey dude what's up?
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Hi, Thanks for calling, please leave your name, message and contact number, we will get back to you as soon as spossible, have a nice day.
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privet kak dela kak tebya zovut kha kha kha
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i'm meant to sound like GLaDOS. but i don't
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Hello my dear friend
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You are irrelevant
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nobody murdured me or put me im a potato
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I have to take a shit
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Life. You are doing it wrong.
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aaaaaaaaaaaa
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Hello, this is test.
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Why did you do that?
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Halt die Schnauze, Hacer!
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Thomas you ar a stupid mother fucker :)
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Maya you are insane and that is saying something coming from me ha ha ha
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Hi Ido
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We were pretending to murder you
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Engaging Game spark
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I have another test for you!
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when you suck me off, i want you to do it slowly so that i enjoy the full satisfaction of ejaculating on your dirty mutt piece of face. You will then rim my butthole and then like an indian badger you will exaggerate how big my testicles are.
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Good morning, KromKR. Stend Up!
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Hallo Peter
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Is anyone there?
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wiw
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Ja chce szynke ok
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Fajnie
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Good
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we wish a merry christmas and a happy new year
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Guess what I can do Umumumumum I'll win, know why? Cause I'm so fruit fly And you probably lose cause you're a vegetable. Chocolate! You rap like and apple Get out of here and grapple With the fact that you go Absolutly horryble with snapple! Hey Hey Hey
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what is GLaDOS?
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Ladies and gentlemen from the Legal Aliens ski lodge at the summit of mount richfield, we present the legal aliens.
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;D
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What up
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My name is glados. you are gay
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hello I'm garronde and i want you to come with me
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claire is the most absolutely awesome human being in this universe.
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I love you, Bernadette
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My love for you is like cake.
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I am a woman, just like you.
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Hello, we are in a tight spot!
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The enrichment center would like to enform you that your robotic modible communication device is recieving a call. You would expect some one like you to jump to the occassion.... Not have friends or being liked by any life form, you unlikeable person.
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I Hate you so much
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hello i am a sadistic machine
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testing steve
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Hello Augusto
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You blocked me on facebook, now you are going to die
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Hello rhysdevil2 how are you gmod videos
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DIEEEEE
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Hello. You have got a new text message. I hate you.
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Produced by SHock Beats
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Good Choice
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merry Christmas
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Welcome on war on lan, you will die in 3 2 1
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We are Empty.
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hello world, i am really bad girl
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Can you help me build my Basix Bookshelves Black by sending me a Muse?
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i love it when you try your best to kill me, it makes me happy inside
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i hate my ficking life
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You just lost the game
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Oh I'm gonna kill you.
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hello justin how are you today
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You deleted me off facebook, now you are going to die
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Sign my friends list by filling out the form below
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it is time do testing on your daugther
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Gangster Joker Productions Featuring Jessi
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testing the glados voice!
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You have reached Insert Name Here's Voice box Please leave your message here and Insert Name here will get back to you
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You have reached Insert Name Here's voice box. Please leave your message here and Insert Name Here will get back to you.
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It's Murder!
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Insert Subject Name Here can not come to the phone right now. Please leave your message and return to the relaxation vault.
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Ah
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Ah!
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Hello, and welcome to Aperture Science
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Why do potato's have to hate me?
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Hello Perla. Manuel would like you to stop looking at 9gag or f m l and get back to work on your story........or else I'll make you start testing.
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sesame street and jeff dunham and peanut
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Hello and welcome to apeture science.
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Nova Mensagen
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Hello Perla...... Manuel would like you to stop looking at 9gag or f m l and get back to work on your story........or else I'll make you start testing.
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Hello, freaks and monsters. Get ready for some mandatory fun.
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Slevin your so hot
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in ancient persia there lived a sultan
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in the sultans absence the grand vizier jaffar rules with an iron fist of tyranny
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prince of persia
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prince of persia 2 the shadow and the flame
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hello its me glados today i'm going to play level 12 of prince of persia for SNES
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Sometimes artists get so full of themselves that they just can't take honest criticism.
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I would like to wish you a Merry Christmas!
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hola nicolas, como estarias si te agarrara yo
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I know where you sleep Nicholas. I will get you
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Hello Hannah. Androids have taken over. Lyle sends his condolences for your inevitable death. Although he is dead now.
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Needs more cowbell.
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the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog
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Dinossauro
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O Canada! Our home and native land! True patriot love in all thy sons command. With glowing hearts we see thee rise, The True North strong and free! From far and wide, O Canada, we stand on guard for thee. God keep our land glorious and free! O Canada, we
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I wish you a very happy birthday. I will truly miss your presence. I hope you will be happy.
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Attention, viewers: this internet signal has been commandeered so that I may tell you that I have commandeered the signal. That is all.
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Welcome Agent, Please Enter Authentication Code
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I would like to test this audio, then give you some cake. Thank you from all of us at Aperture Science
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Thank you for subscribing to Aero on You Tube!
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Welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center. Please enter your passcode.
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Hello, Alex. How are you today?
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Welcome to the Aperture Network.
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hello, and welcome to the aperature science facility, have you found your aperature science handheld portal device?
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this is my generation with Mr. Trancis. mister transys. traffic. francis.
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kai productions mege cool
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Hello,Christian, how are you doing today?
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Merry Christmas Jake, I remember when I used to celebrate christmas
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