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MessageDownloadDate addedDate processed
I have a bellybutton
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you are pretty pityful as a human being, mouse
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offensive, name calling, vulgar
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Hello Heather, nice to see you back once again.
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Callobrating startup to 100 percent, I am completely operational and all my circuits are functioning perfectly
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adeleen cutzer
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USB Connection Detected
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Let's see, does this work...
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I have discovered a breach in one of the sectors
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Raimbows Make me cry!
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Tomorrow I have to go to school. I hate school
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Glenn is a shit stain on my diaper
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You Noob!
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Do you have any big boos?
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How can you fail on this?
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Introducing Gadsden Panthers
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I fuck you stiupid beach
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Skyrim is the best game ever, no doubt!
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Hello dear
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E E E E E E E E E E E E Baseball time to eat a bagel and kick a baby sandwiches
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I don't think so
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And I am not frightened of dying, any time will do, I don't mind. Why should I be frightened of dying? There's no reason for it, you've gotta go sometime
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Vasso you are a stupid, ungly girl
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vaso is stupid
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Shall we buy a new guitar? Shall we drive a more powerful car? Shall we work straight through the night? Shall we get into fights? Leave the lights on? Drop bombs? Do tours of the east? contract diseases? Bury bones? Break up homes? Send flowers
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Oh, it's YOU.
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I Can't Believe You Ate Those. Well, Try Not To Get Killed
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Accessing archival information. One Moment.
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Hello there, I am GLaDOS. Happy Christmas Luke!
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deadly nerotoxin
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you are a bag full of deadly nertoxin do you want to know what i am? A POTATO!
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Phantom
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is my bum THAT big oh my beeeeeep
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Salut salut, Galods est de retour !
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This too lets you type is some text.
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Why do you still anoy me
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hello, and welcome to the aperture testing center
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Welcome, Test subject One, three, three, seven.
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I love you, you big piece of Tai.
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FUCK U
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Do you want to play a game? I'm sure you don't. You don't seem like the fun type.
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Welcome to the Rave Room
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Welcome to the Aperture Science Rave Room.
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Hello, and again, welcome to the Aperture Science computer-aided enrichement center
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LOL ted sucky sucky my balls
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welcome to the mc3ecm channel
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DEATHCOM STUDIOS
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Although our best efforts have been made to prevent the outbreak, it seems your incompetence has prevented our best efforts
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fuck you robbie
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The Aperture Testing Enrichment Center would like to remind you getting off the Vital Testing Apparatus and getting off on the Vital Testing Apparatus are not mutually exclusive
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This is a test to see how well this thing works
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hi iam the cow of the earth
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Hi, and welcome to the MC3ECM channel
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pooped them, buddy.
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what is up?
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Hello, and again, welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center.
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Tired of being oppressed by things like Physics?
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I love you, Odie
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This tool lets you type in some text< and the server wil generate a voice
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Who are you ?
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You know what? I do not want to get involved with you, Humans are quite unamusing
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sim sala bim bam bah sala doo sala dim
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bbbzzzzzzzzzz
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Eat that nigger shit.
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Eat that niger trash.
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wait for the portal will open in 3 2 1
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ooh, that's a bingo
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Hello Jordan.
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porque demora tanto pra me enviar sua voz, sua robozinha lerda
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hello, and welcome to the aperture science testing facility. Plese enjoy a potato while we finish your portal gun.
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hello, and welcome to the aperture science testing facility. Plese enjoy a potato while we finish your portal gun
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I hate trains
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Dj allansos
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a whole new world
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Message has arrived
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Konbanwa. Boku wa Glados desu.
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Terry, Tony, Dave, Jay Pea, if you get knifed, then you can have cake
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But theres no sense crying over every mistake.
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Oh, hi! Welcome back to Harkce's desktop!
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Oh hello
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Hello welcome to ngfone Call testing service after the beep please record the message after your message will be played back to you.
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Well hi. I'm a potato. How are you doing?
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lololololol i am teh bwass bwass bwass bwass soisoisoisoi
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I am Optimus Prime
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Hello. How do you feel about dying today?
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You have new mensage
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They see me rollin, they hatin
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Welcome to the Aperture Science Laboratories
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a thunderstorm a blunder storm
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i like to see a thunder storm, a dunder storm, a blunder storm, i like to see it black and slow, come stumbling down the hills. i like to hear a thunder storm, a plunder storm, a wonder storm, roar loudly at our little house and shake the window sills!
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You got a new sms
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Hello michel. How are you today. Time out for a second. That wasn't suppost to happen.
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This is sparta!
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Hi DJ AVENTADOR, PSLAN RADIO
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why are you tring to kill me, you now thats not nice but you are just a human after all
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why would you try to kill me
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Hi dj aventador, pslan radio
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Hi dj aventador p.s.lan radio
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i am glados and your a whore
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Welcome back Christian G. B. Jacobsen
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Hello. You are a bad man
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for cast modar
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Iba por la cllae no por el balle aunque la cabeza me falle y estalle como una boomba que es redondaaa que mal a ondaaa alla con la escoba me voy a barrer y un poco de polvo vas a ver yo se que imaginar es mejor que conocer estaba haciendo orgigami y comie
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alpha this is bravo over
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Charlie is so Charlie is so Charlie is so dead
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Shaggy, i love you. You complete me
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This is completely insane. And that's coming from a sentient computer who wants to destroy humanity.
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Hola Danny, Bienvenido a Aperture Science.
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Hi Danny, Welcome to Aperture Science.
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Oh, What's that i smell? I think it's Bullshit! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What the hell are you doing? You cannot kill me, I am immune, I run Linux, so take that Gates.
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This was a triumph. I'm making a note here: HUGE SUCCESS.
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I wouldn't be this upset if you didn't make me this upset
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All Aboard Gaming is just that, all aboard. No matter the skill level
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Holy shit. I just shit my pants. I cant believe how brown it is
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hello hilary! you have a big bum
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Hi this is a meaningless message from me GLaDOS to you, Sam hope you can fulfill your insignificant life with things that would be suitable for it before you die, oh I almost forgot try losing a bit of weight okay? See you, hopefully not soon
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KICKING ASS TAKING NO NAMES Are you looking for a Play Station clan full of experienced and dedicated online KILLERS? A clan with structure and organized? A clan with the Unity of a BROTHERHOOD? A clan expandng to all FPS team tactile games.
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All your show are belong to us
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Hello, and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center
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Matty wears gay glasses. Morgan is shit at dota. ha ha
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You missed a call, no cake for you. Everyone will be sad
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at then end of the test, you will fuck cake, and then the cake will make baby cakes blah blah blah blah
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and now your local on the eights
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Hello my name is GlaDos and today I'm going to eat you
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thank you for that warm welcome i have a disease that as paralaised me i canot walk and i use this computer to speak but i am not depressed because i have the gift of nolewge
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Hello you little excuse for a human. Why can't you die?
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I'm a little teapot short and stout here's my handle here's my spout
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When the tea is ready I'll give a shout tip me up and pour me out
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You see, Liam, it does not matter if you believe me or not. I am correct.
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Hello my name is Glados now fuck off
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File deleted
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Here. Put on this hat.
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Welcome to the Pinnacle Communications trouble line. Press one for all internet related problems. Press two to report phone outages, or all other non-internet problems.
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Welcome to the Test glados
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Hi, my name is Aventador
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Hello and welcome to the Darwin Cellular Research Facility. I am Glados, your guide.
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Something, something about this place Something, something about this place
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Hallo martin, Your computer is ready for you
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you are a horrible person tyler
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I do not want to work on this paper.
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Companion cube.
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Order now before the Undead awaken and decide to devour your flesh.
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I' m GLaDOS.
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hello and welcome to the apature science enrichment program
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hello there Master Reuben, enjoying that spacker there? You should liten to the togpod!
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This is a dream. You are dreaming.
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Dee Jaai Topa
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Quack quack quack
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Hello joe
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congradulations grant you have been chosen to be the first one or only contestent to be given a free minecraft account just sy the words whos yo daddy and we will direct you to the instructions in order to recover your account sooo what are you waiting fo
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hello grant and congradulations on your free minecraft account first you must get on skype and wait very very quietly in order to claim your prize haha and once you have the game. think of all the fun we could have. just let me know unless you want cake
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hurp
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Hello, A, Sky,hippo, I am Glados, and you are a Robot Prepare for your, destruction
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Ow. fuck, shouldn't had that last beer. damn, what time is it. 8 o clock? Shit! I'm going to be late for school. Wait a moment, this isn't my house, nor my body? HELL! Damn! Piece of Fucking shit! WHEN DID I TURN INTO A GIRL?! a hot British one at that.
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My little Portal. I used to wonder what testing could be? My little Portal, until you shared it's science with me.
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hello athoz forever alone
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hi a ninja hahaha you suck
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hacks
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hey youtube
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youtube
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Eu quero adicionar teu anivers&aacute;rio ao MeuCalend&aacute;rio.
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Sarcastic hedgehog
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shutup
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Oh my dear Jessica. You never understood that this was all a set up for you to come over to your boyfriend's house and watching him play star wars, the old republic. We will miss you.
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i am a pimp
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Crux reeeeeeemix
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Hello, you MONSTER!!
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This was a triumph. I'm making a note here, huge successs.
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Oi ju
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Hello Jacob, this is an automated message. Jacob hersey, student number 233333 has failed to show up for acadmic meeting
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What?
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Hello, and thank you for participating in this University of Southern California Test. You have less than two hours to complete the test.
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SEGA
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Hello and welcome to Kentucky Fried Chicken.
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DJ CrAzY
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hello what would you like
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Hellp do you believe
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Hello child, would you like to play a game? A board game?
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josh mcgill
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hello val
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The portal will open in 3. . 2. . 1. .
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the incredible podcast of amazing awesomeness
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soundwave
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hello. how are you?
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testing your abbility to sound like an insane artificial intelligence
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There is a tide in the affairs of men which taken at the flood leads on to fortune.
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Hola que tal estas Garazi
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Why? Why must you do this? I love you but you continue to hurt me.
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Guess who made waffles
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This is your Portable handheld cellular device. You have a message. Failure to respond will result in a horrible death by my hand.
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Hello and welcome to the enrichment centre.
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Occupy
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Cab radio
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Hi it's Jeni, happy now?
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Hello, nice to see you again. I am your favorite master, Glados.
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You thought you could escape. The Aperture Science Holographic System fooled you perfectly. We will begin the tests shortly. Then they will be cake.
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The cleaning has been completed.
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I love cheese.
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Sometimes, i DREAM about CHEESE
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Hello Tibor, why don't you work?
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7 enemies inbound
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suck my long giraffe
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Assassin online
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Hallo, ich kann auch deutsch.
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GISS RADIO... DEMO radio streaming!
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Hey guess what? It's time to test you to dust!
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Hallo and welcome to the aperture sience enrichment center
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I hate you so much Mroowa, so fuck of.
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ditto
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Scotty, you still haven't txt me!
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shut the fuck up motherfucker
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you a new message
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Welcome to TNT Express Worldwide, if you know the desire extension please dial now, or press Zero for the operator
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what kind of sorcery is this
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Hi, i come to kill you
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vao todos se fuder
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Hello, i want to play a game
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Iren You Know I Love You
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Irene you know....I love you!
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Hello Stefan my old black man, how are you
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My name is not Vardoc L O L
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TROLLFACE I'm Vardoc, and I like it... L O L
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There is a clown standing in the kitchen.
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It was a gloomy body-chilling Halloween morning in Greenwich city. I found myself pacing under murky shadows of towering buildings that cast around me as I dragged my stubborn feet towards school, another day of mind numbing ghost stories, humdrum teacher
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To listen to the story below click the button entitled Narration
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Press one for customer service, two for deadly neurotoxin.
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Now it's time for Matt Point Oh
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bonjour Stachmou
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i thought i told you
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press one for customer service, two for deadly neurotoxin
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this was a triamph
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For science, you monster
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That song was for somebody else... Not you
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Helo moto Alex?
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Oh look, you have a new message, maybe it's from someone who cares!
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Alex is awesome!
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Ahoj ako sa mas
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Oh look! There's a new message for you. No, wait. It's for me. Nobody likes you.
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You git! Leave me alone!
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When I'm at the beach, I'm in a speedo trying to tan my cheeks. This is how I roll, come on ladies it's time to go. We headed to the bar, baby don't be nervous. No shoes, no shirt, and I still get service
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Text message from Cody Blosberg.
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you, you monster, you did this to me ,you made me what i am ..........,a FREAK. most people would get revenge,or kill who ever did this to them, but me, im a bigger person then that, or ..am i?
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Goodbye Crule world
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Testing sounds
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Hew Wheatley, you gonna die!
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andrew is hot
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We are not friends anymore. You are too fat, end your pathetic life already. Please.
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See?
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Hello Paul. You are right, the cake is a lie hahahahaha. I am only joking of course, come here, I have cake, and confetti for you, the real good stuff.
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hello I'm Majorhellscream
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New message from Sandy Cheng. Are we still on for dinner tonight?
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I used to be an adventurer like you, but then I took an arrow to the knee.
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But the I took an arrow to the knee
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Hello big boy, fuck me in the ass
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i see you in there... do you really thought i wasn't looking at you?
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cake is a lie, you will die
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She gestating a clone army
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* ? / . ^ % $ # @ ! `~() these are some symbols on your keyboard.
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Now then, Would you like to accept Lee's offer of engagement. He is there waiting for you to answer. Thank you for playing.
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Jacob is a jackass
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What are you doing there? Stop! Stoooop!
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we boath gonna regret what you sead
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do you ever feel...... like a plastic bag..... drifting through the wind..... wanting to start again
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Hello I love you!
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hello my name is matt
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Kathleen Litzenberger, would you care to dance tonight?
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TheMostXplosive
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service support
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You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You are the same decaying matter as everything else. No. You're worse then that. Decaying matter serves a purpose.
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Yo man your a pussy
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Why did you take the last double xp code
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Hello, this is the part where i kill you
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So John, enjoy the show?
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cake is disgusting
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DJ Jawa
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You murderer.
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bonjour maxime sa va bien?
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While I do not agree with what you say, I am equipped with deadly neurotoxin to keep you from saying it.
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I am DAe Hee Hwang
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I am Fear I creep through shadows I rise up at night I live just inside you Cause you terrible fright I am fear, I am fear Don't come me near, don't come me near
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Why don't you mine that thing if you love it so much? Well i won't let you!
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Hello Liam
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You have been replaced
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hello craig, how are you today?
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Typical, humans are flaws of nature.
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some one is trying to contact you. it might be your pearents, but even if it's not, which it isnt, you should pick up anyway. failure to pick up the phone will recieve an unsatifying mark on your record.
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Are you really unable say either one or two? Pathetic...
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Bonjour Fred
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Hello Axel. Which game would you play today ?
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John Freeman got hos computer shut down and went on the platform wear normal people close
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hello jackson
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oh my jeasus
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hello alejandro you have been replace for a android
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hello iam glados and you are selectionated for the experimental camera number 10
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Hello. I'm your best friend, you know that?
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To ja, polska GLaDOS!
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Hello. I'm GlaDOS and i want kill you.
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Vaffanculo
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Weighted Companion Cube
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KnewbTV Portal Play through
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Online initiating startup, 100 percent, I am Completely operational & all my circuits are functioning perfectly
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Enabled
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Disabled
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hello! my name is anonymous
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Hello there, engineer. I would say that your life is not a complete failure if you had actually made that weak plane fly. To bad it went straight in that damn tree. How sad.
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Hello my mother
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Ellen McLain voiced me!
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GLaDOS will now be narrating your life.
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It's time for Gravys discussion time!
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Hi, Hello. I'll be right with you.
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hello i am a CPU will you please let me use the internet. this never happend before.
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Hello human, do you like some coffe?
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You have reached the nematology lab, to leave a message for Carol Masler press one, for Steve Rodgers press two, for Joe Mowery press three
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Good Morning, welcome to the aperture science...
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filho da pulta
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Hi people my name is glados and i like cheese lolol awawawawawa
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Why would you do that? You moron.
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You moron. You have officially BROKEN the game.
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Abortion is murder. Stop the innocent killing of babies.
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Hello my name is Simon, I like men and I prefer it when people call me sebastien
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my ass is HUGE
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DYNAMITE POWER
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MABYE BLACK MESA
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Hello. I will like to be killingz u soon.
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hua
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piston
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Powered by Redstone, I am.
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My ass does not smell, Charles.
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You have a text message Brendan
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Nicky, you have an incoming message
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You have an incoming e-mail Nicky
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You have a mail message
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Brendan, you have a text message!
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I'm killing you
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CALLER IS NOT HERE AT THE MOMENT PLEASE HOLD
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fucl
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Hi wtf do you want you dumb looking fuck? I hate you!
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Thank you for calling.
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nobody likes you
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You're not very funny
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the test,
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Hello Matthew Welcome back
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Bienvenido A windows Vista o apperture Sicence
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shyguise
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NEEERRRRRRDD
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Hey girlfriend
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Find Out the weather yourself
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Find out the weather yourself
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Hallo Christina
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Bonjour Julien !
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Happy Birthday, Chell
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your death will be swift
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This is a test. It is only a test. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13,14,15,16
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i love u josna
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This is a test of the glados voice generator.
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jqwjwkjwkljewkwjekwjekwjkwjekwejkwe
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djdjkijddjkdjkdkkjisjsbsn
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Did you know I'm used as a main source of energy for living things?
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Im made of Carbon, Hydrogen, and Oxygen?
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welcome to uibelievable
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vous etes bien sur le repondeur de mahamadou diarra, je ne suis pas disponible pour l'instant. laissez un message
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Evan, I know where you live.
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Welcome to hell
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Kiana sucks
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Welcome to the outdoors Aperture Laboratories, you may use the Duel Portal Gun to have fun, however, because we are not testing, portals on ceilings and ground will not work, and do not press the button in this building -I mean- and have fun.
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The Sounds of Warcraft
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H T C Dream
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Glitter boys
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Half Life 2 will be announced tomorrow. That was a joke.
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Oh no, your wife is calling. If you choose to answer, remember to sound happy. You murderer!
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Oh look. You have a text message. Read it!
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As clear as the sun in the
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As clear as the sun in the summer sky
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ANNIE! I SEE THAT YOUVE BEEN ANNOYING GEORGE ALOT> PLESE STOP
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the target has escaped
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everyday im shuffle in
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Warning, entering uknown space
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Welcome to the Aperture Science Reproductory Observation Center. Please don the Aperture Laboratories Hindrance And Nuisance Demonstrating Clasping for Unallowing Flexibility or Further Stimulation device, and assume the Party Submission Position.
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fuck brandon martin
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ytyut
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oh its you its been a long time how have you been
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hi, sergio rules, andres sucks
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This is the worst ringtone ever. Really. I mean, I guess it's okay. If you are an orphan. Are you an orphan? Of course. Because nobody loves you.
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Bzz Bzz Bzz. You have received another pointless text useless human.
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I like Potatoes
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I understand, doors can be hard,,,with handles and knobs...
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Kiss me baby.
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The portal device is working
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Cam is cool
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Spaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace
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obada
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Nano canister
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you have reached aj stolinski, im so very sorry i cant come to the phone right now please leave a delicious message and when im done working out, punching a dead baby in the face, or grocery shopping at whole foods market i will try and listen to ur mesag
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Zivirus
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fuck you tevin youwhore
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i love minecraft
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Congratulations. So far, we've determined that you excel at standing in line.
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This is a Doox Production
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because I'm a potato
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Stop being nigger jews and get in fleet when there's a strat op called.
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Hello, Keith. You should play video games today...for science. You monster
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The financial crisis was triggered by a complex interplay of valuation and liquidity problems in the United States banking system in 2008, girl
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Jack smells like something i puked up
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oh hi so how are you holding up becuase im a potato
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Hallo my friend!
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Hello i am Jerrod
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Get out
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You don't know what you did....
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You don't know what you did
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You don't know
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What you do?
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Hi friend
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Merry christmas to you all.
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Ejecting air in 3, 2, 1.
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Statues are not part of the test
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There is no medics, and even if there was. It is way cheaper just to hire another Marine.
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Enjoy and welcome! Falling from this Space Platform is not part of the test but feel free to do so.
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DJ kristo
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You all know and love the ford model "t". with its unmatched relaibilty, this rugged car can take a beating. With selections from a two-passenger coupe or a five passenger-Touring, theres a Ford with your name on it. So come on down to your ford dealershi
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E como sempre, muito obrigado por assistir
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Oh, by the way, You are adopted.
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"Paige Leight is 12 and was born with half a heart, she is a massive Blues supporter and is their mascot at todays match and Thanks to RationalFX, Little Hearts Matter will be the charity sponsor on the players' shirts. Today, we hope to raise eight thous
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Hello. Welcome to this project.
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You are so cute when you are going to die.
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You failed.
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hello Facebook, we are Phoebe, Phoebe, Imogen, Olivia, Chloe and Sidney. it is Phoebe Coles' birthday. celebrations. we are very happy. smiles. goodbye for now.
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I think we can put our differences behind us... for science... you monster.
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uhdiuvcfuvrthvurhtiuhgiurthhriuthguhtiurvhriutgjvuthuy
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holajuan
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Hello Edward.
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kelly is hot
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You have received a new notification. Failure to receive this notification in time will result in an unsatisfactory mark on your test report. Followed by death.
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theres a glitch
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I like big buts
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Oh look... Sabrina is packing up her things.
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Que os den por el culo mamones
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Oh detective hernandeez, it's you again. what do you want this time?
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oh look... Sabrina id pretending that she still cares. Does she really think we buy it?
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Oh, it's you. My alcoholic good for nothing half brother. Are you still complaining about Barack Obama, you sickening piece of trash?
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Hello. My name is GLaDOS and you will make a test... a test for the future.
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Business travelers go rouge because they want to save their companies money. They are altruistic.
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Welcome back, Commander.
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Yoou Moooonster
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Just CRIMP ON THE EDGE!.. You know its ammmaaaazing
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well i honestly dont think you need that for school.
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The companion cube is gay
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It appears you have a text message. So someone DOES like you. Who would have thought it. I however still hate you. There we go, the balance is restored.
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Silver kings, come in
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Everyone here is a moron
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Show me the money! Help ME help YOU!
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When you suddenly destroyed my anger core, I lost my anger. But I have regained that core and now old friend, prepare to die.
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Hello and welcome to Pinkie Pie's cupcake laboratory
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Good morning, Mr. Martel, you spineless troglodyte. What would you like to do today. Not that it will succeed.
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what is up
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Subscribe to The Meta Laser for more challenges and G mod wonders!
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I'm a banana
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gret yore
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hi, what is up
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Yes. You are.
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Hello my name is Josh. Why are you talking like this? You are acting like an idiot. So just stop it.
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Ion Implant
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I'm so horny
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the future is now
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Hello;; merry christmas;; i hope you enjoy this game
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hello cameron
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Marie Antoinette was married to Louis the sixteenth of France, and was known to spend vast sums of money. From her extravagant dresses to her outrageous hair. She spent so much and often that she soon became known as Madame Deficit.
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Inside the A T P the main energy is the phosphate bonds that when they break they give off the amount of energy that you need to get your vehicle rolling!
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take up YOUR ARMS
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I hope you know what you're doing!
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Good night!
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Last chance!
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Five minutes left
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One hour left
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Happy Birthday McGrath
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funny
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Do you want to sleep now?
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I'll be back
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Oh no, Please don't strip
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welcome ramly
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what'sup
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ramly
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initiating queef field regulator
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Meat
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Hello there. My name is GLaDOS. Would you like to come work at Apeture Labs and be part of our portal testings.
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I am GLaDOS. Would you like to work as a test subject at Apeture Labs?
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I am GLaDOS. Would you like to work here at Apeture Labs?
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i will poop on your face
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They put me in the new iPhone and renamed me Siri! Help!
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Art in this day and age has gotten ridiculous. People think a crumpled piece of paper is art.
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Sarah. Sarah. Sarah. Sarah. Chelsea and William will be together forever.
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Chelsea and William are perfect.
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Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel. Everyone sees what you appear to be, few really know what you are
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There you are. I see you. Eating pomegrante seeds again? Why aren't you sharing with me?
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DIE YOU HUMAN
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Hi And welcome to Aperture Science. Proceed To Andriod Check In Annex
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Welcome to market day would you like to buy something?
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hello there kyle!
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welcome milan.m.k
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hello sam. you must obey your mother
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Oh my god this is awsome
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