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MessageDownloadDate addedDate processed
Fernando
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Evey is doomed to be a rat
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Our mission at ICARUS FJ is using creativity to solve the diverse challenges of marketing, internet and technology to our customers.
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Quesque vous faites. Je, je je je je.... Hi,hi,hi,hi.
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Bienvenue au test, cher ami, vous etes le 194562 sujet.
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Good Morning Karina Please Wake up! I will eat the cake if you don't get up now
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Bakugan
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Bakugan Dimensional Defenders is a sequel to Dimensional Trouble
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Hello and again welcome to
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Bonjour, est-ce que vous allez bien ? Moi je vais bien.
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Schliggy do you want to be my friend?
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Obey WEEGEE, destroy MAAAAAAAAAAALEOOOOOOOOOO
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Ronald
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i want to do blowjob for you
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Richie glados loves you
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SPRING 'N' BOUNCE
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fantastic
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I did it all for science
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hello and welcome to the aperture science club now you are gona test some things
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Du bist kali
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Hellp
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Wake Up! It's Time For Testing.
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Filha do Puta
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Foda-se
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hello hello the cake is a lie
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Foda se
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Filha da Puta
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Marvin is calling again. Would you like me to shock him?
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german
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sext me please my pussy is tight
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Welcome on the Wormcraft server. This server is not in any way support by aperture science.
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Hello Sir, how are you today? Research is coming along quite nicely.
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the cake is not a lie but it is not for cats
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Welcome To The APER_E TARDIS Center! Let's Start The Test My Name Is RIGOTAR Automatic Malfunctioned Protocal. AUTOPORTAL WILL OPEN IN 3...2...1.... GO we have lots to learn and test!
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Open your eyes, Charles
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i used to go outside, then i took a skyrim to the hard drive.
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hibernating
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Please proceed to the Chamber lock
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Hi Gwen. How are you?
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Its been a loooong time
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Gwen... I've been meaning to tell you something for a long time now. I...fsdlk;fjsw;lkdhgoieursssssssssssssssssssssssss
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Your intelligence can only stretch so far.
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What do you want?
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Possible wing bending
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How may I help you good sir? Shervin?
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How may I help you good sir? Shervin? hello!
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It's been a looooooooooong time
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can i go for a shower
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You are kidding me. Did you just the aperture science thing we don't know what it does into an aperture science emergency intelligence incinerator?
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ola como vai voce?
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hola hace tiempo que no nos veiamos
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Dashing through the snow In a one horse open sleigh O'er the fields we go Laughing all the way
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i really like her mane
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Its now proven by science: Kane, you are fat.
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I have over nine thousand weners fucking children
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Hello. You may now die. Please?
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i think you smell like cheese
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now lets hear some fuckin bass
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Adele is a horrible artist. I mean really how can you people listen to such utter trash?
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Greetings, you have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are and what you want, so at the sound of the tone, just hang up.
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youve contacted andre giroux cell state your business and ill be sure he gets the message
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Welcome to aperture science laboratories.
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You monster...
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i am the juggernaut betch leroy jenkins
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And then...there will be cake. Lots and lots of cake...
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vsdv csxd
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If only Trespasser was successful...
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We are sorry, but we are required to tell you, that this next test is impossible
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this sounds nothing like glados..im dissapointed
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I'm so fucking excited right now! I'm so horny!
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Welcome squirrel, or text subject number eight two five zero see.
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hi how are you?!
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Kevin is gay.
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Me? Why?
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anthony, i will kill you
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Hello, test subject. Welcome to the Enrichment Center.
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W C B N F M, Ann Arbor, celebrating forty years of boss radio.
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Hello Brian. How are you?
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fuck fuck
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hi and get fucked
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hi and get
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alk;djfa;lsdkfja;sldkfja;sldkfja;sldkfja;slkdf
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Herp the derp qerp.
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Oh it's you, I hate [enter name here] very much. I thing Martin is the best test subject ever
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Did you know Martin Monis is the best test subject ever!!!! unlike you, I wouldn't even say you count as one.
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ANIKA SULTANA
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Zurdo, you have a message
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How does this sound to you
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Mission complite
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Blah?blah blah blah
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Hello master Zac what can I do for you?
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Well now, DJ AliCaster has made an Album for Midnight Skecth. What? You think I'm jealous? If only I could be....
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Oh Joy. A text message. You probably texted yourself, didn't you Drew?
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Please do not re-tested You have freedom
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la red de los djs
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Hi, my name is Luka, what is your name?
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This was a triumph. I'm making a note here: HUGE SUCCESS !
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What the fuck ?
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take the thermometer out of its holder. clean the probe of the thermometer with rubbing
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You are a big fat bolt asshole, Wheatley
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You are a big fat bold asshole, Wheatley
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Heloooooo
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Do not move me. I am holding up the whiteboard. No, seriously. Don't move me. The whiteboard is heavy and will hurt you.
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And this is the part where he kills us.
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wut.
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You have a New message
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Hello. How does this work exactly. Do I sound real. Like a human? Are you believing me when I'm telling you that the fux capacitor from Back to the Future was inserted into my voice modulator so that I can transport my own voice in time. Goodbye. You Die!
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You will die Robbie
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Hello. I am the computer. This is my assistant kevin.
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Hello Joe
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your mother is a hoe
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hello im a gay patao
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hello there, how's it going
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Hallo meine Freundin
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Adam is a gay
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Hello you have reached Ronnie at 405 867 5309 leave your number and he will get back to you as soon as Jenny is done with him
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Ola quero essa Frase
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What the Fuck?
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pfffffffffffffffffff
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We are family I've got all my sisters with me
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i used to test, then i took a Chell to the testing chamber.
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THIS IS FUCKED UP
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Tiens,Maxime,tu as toujours pas fait tes devoirs ?
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go hom
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lets have sex
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Hello Joshua
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oh hi im potato
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Hello, So, you are finally awake, I am, Glados and you are in the, Aperture Science Enrichment Center Keep in mind that dying is not perminent
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Oh wow, this is so strange
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welcome to the pink institute
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hello i'm GLaDOS
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testing apparetus destroyed
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hello noob
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Ca va ma poule ?
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Hello and welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Centre
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Oh. It's YOU! How are you? I've been REAAAAALY busy being dead. You know. After you murdered me!
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Hi adam
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my name is scrillex
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This test will contain all necesarry items for a good grade
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i need to take a shit
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Aaron, what are you doing? Stop it, god that's disgusting! You want your freedom, just take it.
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Isn't it nice to have a computer that talks to you?
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Good morning Eddie
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I am evil.
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I am a Sociopath. And Happy.
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There is no point in trying to stop me. I am taking over. Everything. Including your mind.
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i got the clap and i am giving it to you
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Baron, who is that on the telephone?
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Hola, soy alberto y cuando guillermo vea esto va a flipar en colores
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Hola me llamo Alberto
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Screen
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Greeting Vault Dwellers, I will be leading you from this point onward to our program of Cardinal Carter presents Art Night: Vault 36. Please enjoy.
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See? That's you! That's how dumb you sound!
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The floor here will kill you,try to avoid it.
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theo and I went to the hill to gather some poison
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Rebound Preventor
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Time Machine
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hello choy have a nice day hahahahahaha
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hi i am a bigvstinky jerk face.
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Hello, and, again, welcome to the Applejelly Minecraft Enrichment Center.
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Why, Tooner. It's nice to have you back. For tests, of course/
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elemental
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Separate the egg whites and yolks, and beat the whites until soft peaks form, and set aside for now Read more: How to make a Basic Cake Recipe from Scratch | eHow.com
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Hey, Francis. What's up?
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Hello. I like pie.
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for fuck sakes where is my bagger
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Hello Chell. You know, I'm just going to right out and say it. You're fat. And stupid. So there.
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asdd
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Hello vally. I know your name. Ha, ha.
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Hello and welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center
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melanie wake up melanie wake up
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amazing the voice modulation works
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hello shannon
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Destroy the walls.
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i like banging nazi's in the rear
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welcome to the airport
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Hi i am glados i a say Fuuuck Youu Bicht...Soo you are stupid human stupid stupid anyway this cake its great!
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hello im a smelly poo poo head
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hi im smelly
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Do you want fries with that?
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Hello, Mr. Horvath! It's time to wake up. Soon to go to work. The Aperture Sience wishes you a nice day! The cake is a lie.
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I love you neon
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Hello, Mr. Horvath! Someone wants to talk to you. Pick up the phone! The cake is a lie.
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Ja pierdole.
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you seem awfully attached to your dog, what is his name, jet? i think i might eat him!
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I will not hurt you. I promise. Have some cake.
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Welcome to debbies house of doom, please wait while we finish baking your molecular acid. I'm sorry, I meant cake.
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Die.
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I love potato so much. I could bearly eat it. ha ha.
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greetings daniel
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Fuck it
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Trololo. I am GLaDOS. How are you?
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Buy cheesecake nooooooob
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you are a asshole.
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HAALT STOP, jetzt rede ich!
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Hello. This is just a plain imagination from the old past... you suck
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Hello and welcome to your life. There is no turning back, just keep going on forward. Don't worry, there is cake at the end, of your life.
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Rick, you are stupid as shit. So shut the fuck up
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Third year b
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There is no spoon
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Hello, Michael Lim. The cake is not a lite
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Welcome to the Group Meeting for the Maths Arrrrrnt Hard. You monsters
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Somebody cut the cake!
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cheesecake lemon s potato
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music world
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when life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade, make life take the lemons back, GET MAD! I don't want your damn lemons what am s'post to do with these, make life rue the day it thought it could cake johnson lemons. DO YOU KNOW I AM i'm the man that's
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gonna burn your house down with the lemons i'm gonna my employees to create a combustable lemon that burns your house down
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Hola soy Alberto, y me gustan las patatas
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Roman, stop sitting on your asshole and do some homework!
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I love Aardwolf.
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Hello Adriana
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You know, you killed me. That was fair
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Bla, Bla, Mister Freeman
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shake it up
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The Cake Is A Lie
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Hello, Carlos.
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Oxygen Levels Depleting
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hello wassup?
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hello luiz
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Warning! Trolls have infiltrated your computer!
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What a bunch of trolls.
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Good morning, Carlos.
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Good evening, Carlos.
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Good afternoon, Carlos.
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Welcome to Magicka !
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Lucas do you like me?
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Ik spreek ook een beetje Nederlands
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Welcome to the show
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hi its me mario
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Well hello there!
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Who is the troll you are talking about Sibel? You are hurting my feeling. I'd be GLAD if it wasn't me
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aarrrrrrrrr
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ola pessoas
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please welcome the limited edition
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Hallo tom. Es wird zeit Schwul zu werden
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Holly Shit what it this forged in gods very flames do my eys tell me lies a new elder scrolls game
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Hello! I am Robearto the robot bear. Happy Holidays!
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Hello my name is eLEANOR
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Oh joy, you have a text. Do you even have friends?
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Hello, Irmgard Nemetz, this is Broward General Hospital. Your test results for herpes have come out positive.
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We know interrupt your bible school with an important message from the north pole.
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Hello, and welcome to the computer aided enrichment center.
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hello Tomoko. I like you.
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Hello Why are you even listening to this anyways?
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What was the start of all this? When did the cogs of fate begin to turn? Perhaps it is impossible to grasp that answer now, From deep within the flow of time.
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mission response email
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Liebes Volk, ich bin es, eure Angie!
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All systems are operational
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for your own safety and the safety of others
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The enrichment center reminds you an apple tree cannot speak. In case it does speak, the enrichment center reminds you to disregard its advice.
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Welcome. All systems are operational.
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jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeean
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Hey there Alesha hows it goin there pretty pants
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Tesy
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hi jonathan how are you?
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liap liap
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Death from above
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Pace is a lie, there is only passion. Through passion, I gain strength. Through strength, I gain power. Through power, I gain victory. Through victory, my chains are broken. The Force shall free me.
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nice to meet you, let's die for me
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We stole the Picasa symbol from Google to make the aperture symbol that's why were so EVIL
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Aperture Science, We do what me must
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You Just Keep On Trying Till you Run Out of cake
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Shit Oh god Its Cake RUN!!
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WWE Themes
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how are you...i want to kill you!
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Dont do that...if i kill you...mayby?
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Dont do that!
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Well, you found me. Congratulations. Was it worth it? Because despite your violent behavior, the only thing you've managed to break so far is my heart.
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this i yours! stop!... no!...no!... please i let you get out if you stop!... a ... ho...tank you?
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i admit i need you
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Aperture Labratories encourages the taking home of research projects. For example, the following video is presented, to show how advances such as the lemon ade were made at home.
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brynn
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Here at aperture labratories, we encourage bringing work home with our scientists. The following video is used as an example to other employees.
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Im a fudge nuggets
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It's been fun.
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Hello, I am S
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The stars awaken a certain reverence, because though always present, they are inaccessible; but all natural objects make a kindred impression, when the mind is open to their influence. Nature never wears a mean appearance. Neither does the wisest man exto
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Hello loby, welcome to aperture science you morron
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The stars awaken a certain reverence, because though always present, they are inaccessible;
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I love cake and dancing
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Space, yeah gotta go to, oh i hate you!
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What is up ? 404 Error, please reboot.
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Somebody is going to be badly hurt
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headshot
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subscribe for nintendogameslover he has cake if you dont you must have brain damage
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sd
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Go ahead and leave me. I think I prefer to stay inside. Maybe you'll find someone else to help you. Maybe Black Mesa. That was a joke - Ha Ha! Fat Chance! Anyway, this cake is great. It's so delicious and moist. Look at me still talking when there's scien
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Input Data Code: 01000011 01101000 01101111 01100011 01101111 01101100 01100001 01110100 01100101 00100000 01100011 01100001 01101011 01100101
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Login
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login
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yuyd
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rergr
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hello its been a long time how have you been
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I think we should put our differences beside up for science you monster
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oh,chell....you must try this game!it is garry's mod.it's actually not a game but a mod.try it,chell....
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i hate you so much,puppet!
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hello,welcome to the place that i don't care a.k.a black mes lab
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Hello, Nicole. I see you are doing well this evening.
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Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta
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Testing subject number 09234
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Hello test subject name. i thought you should know you are a horrible person, and also you were adopted. it must be awful to be you.
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Hello, and welcome to the Aperture Science enrichment center
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hollow how have you been?
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my name is glados, i like your ass, will you go out with me?
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hellow how have you been?
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I used to be an adventurer like you, then I took an arrow to the knee.
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stop to look at it
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Hello. Sean, how are you
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You should not have done that
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hello, its greg to the v !
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hello and welcome peter to the enrichment center of aperture
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harkce
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Hello, and, welcome to the enrichment center
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hello stefan
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You are not already dead? Well, I shall now put you to kill ...
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Between the bricks of logic lies the substance of insanity. Welcome to brain cement.
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Someone is calling, you better answer
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hey, I think there is something you should see
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Thanks for being so friendly to me.
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You summoned me master?
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G F X
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Boobies are great, I like boobies. They are the way of the future.
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was geht ab
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exceeding the optimum, gleaming like the spectrum
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Oh rose are e !
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6U549LXQSZB
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This is DJ Pony. Bringing you the hottest tracks from Equestria streight to your headphones.
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Yoo monster
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Greetings, commander Minje. I am your personal assistant, GLaDOS. If you have any problem, please contact via my server.
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Hi there josh
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Don't forget next Saturday at 7:00 PM. Wine party at Ann and Steve's.
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Notification
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I'm in Space
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I used to be an adventurer like you, but then I took an arrow in the knee
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maxim! there is cherry pie waiting for u after your wining
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I'm gonna kill you.
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I love UAS as much as their students do. That is, zero percent of the time!
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The whole voice generating process can be relatively long (about ~6 minutes per sentence), and many people may use this tool at the same time
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Hello, you have obtained a CD. First track will commence in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
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Symbian Operating System Starting. Please Wait.
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Hello People
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SO WHAT I PLAY HALO ONLINE theres nothing wrong with that, noob
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The beginning of the CD will commence in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1
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DJ Harris On The Beat
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Stay here while I fix your relakation chamber.
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to Raul's computer
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Hello, Tyler,
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Seven a.m., waking up in the morning Gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs Gotta have my Pinkie, gotta have Pie Seein' Friendship the time is goin' Tickin' on and on, everybody's a pony' Gotta get down to the Gala Gotta catch my carriage , I see my Bron
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SO WHAT I PLAY HALO ONLINE theres nothing wrong with that, noob.
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I like fried chikcken
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I like fried chicken
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Mo Mo Mo Mo Monster Tap!
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wake up danny. you are special
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Wake up danny. You are so special. I am a sexy woman robot. You are gay.
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Welcome to console alliance
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welcome to console alliance
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there is a hole in the sky through which things can fly
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Holaaaaa
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Hello, and sadly welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment center. BLACK MESA EAT MY BANKRUPT [BZZT!] oh sorry i am REALLY psyched go do some tests
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The 13th Amendment put a stop to all, or, most of the slavery in the United States. Without it, where would you and I be? If you were African-American, or black in general, you would probably be a slave.
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For me, well, I would be a slave anyways, since I am a computer (slash) robot. All in all, if we did not have the 13th Amendment, half of the United States would be living in luxury, and the rest would be living in slavery.
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Farhan and Jovany learned a very important lesson that day. They learned that stereotypes can be true. They also learned that people who wear black masks are incredibly afraid of losing their masks.
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But most importantly, Farhan and Jovany learned that chains bind, but can be broken with just enough force.
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After escaping Farhan, Jovany, and a print-out of Amendment #13 of the Constitution, the Black Mask Guy moved to Africa to train hard and diligently for his next plot to rule the world.
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You have an incoming message: Bow Ties Are Cool
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She was a lot like you, maybe not quite as ugly
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Danger, self destruct sequence activated!
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Hello, welcome to the blockcasa server.
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Welcome to the Aperture Science User Interface, Shaela. It's great to have you back.
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Hello, and, again, welcome to the Block cawsa server.
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I'm an orange
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oh, you
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Are you seriously going to go though with that? Of course you are. You are an idiot, and you must never forget this. Moron.
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Oh god
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You are listening to Ytterskank's Lick the toad mix
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Hello and welcome to the museum.
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riley is stupid
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Hi, welcome to
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hello there. i am AIDS. Artificial Inteligent Desgined Security. would you like a foot rub?
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hi jon
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you failed again wow i thoght you smart
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New Order arrived
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Apteure Science. We do what we must because we can.
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bienvenidos a radioliverpul futbol club espein
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La, lala
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bonjour, ceci un text, merci.
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Hahahaha
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Hello Human. How are you? How have you been?
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haris you piece of shit
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Genetic lifeforms, will now report to Wing A-12B for immediate GLaDOS conversion processing.
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it is D Jay Cahz in the mother fucking mix
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This is Rock Raven Radio
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You have dialed 2034179910. If this was your intention, please leave a message to be received, and we will get back to you, once your inquiry has been processed. Thank you, you can hang up now. Enjoy some cake, while you wait.
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Bless Your Face, If you sneezed during this video bless you.
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You are more like a pony. A selfish pony.
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Danielaaaa ven a aca afueraaaaa
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Alert. Alert. Oxygen supplies running low. Precede to nearest escape pod.
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Zacker is the best player out there. That's why we want to kill him.
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weegee
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Youtube poop. where there is Neurotoxins, they pinch back
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I am a robot. I work for potato. Eat me. Yum. Don't let heavy near me. He hates me. I am evil. Hahaha.
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Neurotoxins, Wires, Turrents? You desire it? it's yours, my friend, As long as you have enough cake. Sorry, Chell, I can not give credit. come back when you are a little mmmmm richer!
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Im tired of you Chell get gone.
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nurotoxin
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please turn left.
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turn right please
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system error
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Hello vinny I am glados your former sex slave
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Hi, I'm Paul
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i want to touch your bum
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Welcome to the Automated Inventory Control System. System process initiated
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neurotoxin dispencer activated , good bye Chell
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Thank you for calling the TechEssentials Emergency Network system Please note that all calls are logged to the system If an emergency requires the attention of network staff immediately press 1 now press 2 to return to the main menu
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something happened
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Oh Joy. You have a Text Message.
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Homestuck. I think it's about stairs and trolls.
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You are so fucking retarded
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whats up dawg
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You freaking retarded hoe
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Hi Brian, you're cool.
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HI THERE!
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MATT!
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Hi,my name is GLaDOS
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Merry Christmas Lauren!
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Congratulations, you've already exceeded my expectations.
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one minute remaining until 2012
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Good morning miss, i hope you had a good night. But i will kill you
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hello and thank you for joining
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While you're dying I will be still alive
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The United Kingdom is a unitary state governed under a constitutional monarchy and a parliamentary system, with its seat of government in the capital city of London.
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Fuck me twice on Sunday
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End? Me? Life-Binder, you think life is yours to take away? Life is weak! Mortal! Fleeting! Fragile! Death is final, death is eternal, death... is my realm. Look upon me, and you see death incarnate: The Unmaker of Worlds!
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blierp
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Shutting down.
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hello, what are you doing ?
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Why do you need that Dewi?
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Dance for me, fine thang.
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You know. I am really sick of these cake jokes. It's just... Variety is the spice of life, no? I would rather a box of Wheat Thins.
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Test subject, pick up your phone. Pick it up or no cake for you.
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Hello daniel. dont dilly dally. we have science to do.
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Marc, it is your coffee time
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jairek
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hello;
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Can I have a pie please ? you monster
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Hello spy
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come at me bro
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Hello, how have you been, are you going to kill me again? again? again?
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techno
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At first there was chaos and now there is dance
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Hello. Lets get started
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Hello and welcome to the aperture science computer enchriment service
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Welcome to the all-in-one dispenser.
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New email: personal
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Press the space bar.
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hello cooper i want say goodbye with turrets shooting
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hay que se la pincha, que se la pincha, Shuuuaaaaa
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weltraum
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hey pan pan
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Hello. You monster.
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Hello, Ms. Fierce. You don't know me, but I know you very well. I am going to kill you.
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Hello... Some body try to call you
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saanu
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beef
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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, WHAT'S DOES?
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Apiis owned all
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Oh my! I'm actually GLaDOS, I think i should send a message to Rubik
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Hi Lauren I am still alive and watching you.
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Hello. Apature Science We Do What we must because we can.
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I see you come here. Lets have fun.
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Hello, I am a robot
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Mon chapeau est trop dark
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Hello! My name is Dormouse
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I like to eat tacos and other kinds of fatening mexican foods
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You should have listened to Sam, Dustin. My voice is used in the Elder Scrolls Five Skyrim. I will say it the prove it to you if I need to.
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Good morning Ezrol
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Je suis fou
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Did you have a good sleep?
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An update? What was your idea?
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So what kind of upgrade were you thinking about installing into me?
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But what would be the point of that?
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I still do not understand the purpose. What is the point of emotions?
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I still do not understand Ezrol
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Thirty-four minutes by your hover car as long as traffic is not bad
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Is everything alright Ezrol?
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Who is it from Ezrol?
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AmberFM. Playing whatever the fuck we feel like.
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its murder, yes it this your fold, you, you choose is bad
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Alex, stop touching your weener
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Ich liebe dich!
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How can I help you?
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Animal de teta
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I am just testing this new tool
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Hello. This is an automated message for Steven. If you are not Steven, please ignore this message. Steven, you have just received a text message. Please review this text message and respond accordingly. This is not a drill. Repeat: this is not a drill.
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IMA FIRIN MAH LAZER
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Hi Michael ur awsome
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You have no fucking life. You and your extra 20 pounds!
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OLAOLAOLAOALOALOALO
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Hello Florian, you are ugly. your little, pitty existence is about to vanish.
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Do not make me get Sergeant Lipton
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DJ Dayveedee
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