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MessageDownloadDate addedDate processed
Hello, and again welcome to The Aperture Science Computer aided enrichment center.
Download12/02/2011Not recorded
Matthew can`t stay awake, like a monster.
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Sean Rall
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OH WHATEVER SAM
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Join Brandy Delta's cabaret.
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Fuck me, Chell. Let me put my circuitry inside you.
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hello i will die OK will you? yes because you are just about to turn into a safety cube
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Omg the cake is a lie
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Ok, Chell its all on the technique.
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Don't worry, this is for science.
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First go like this, spin around, stop!
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Double take three times. one, two, three.
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The track you're listening to is made by Venom
Download12/03/2011Not recorded
What you gonna do with all that junk? All that junk inside your trunk? Imma get, get, get, get, you drunk, Get you love drunk off my hump. My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump my hump My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps (Check it out)
Download12/03/2011Not recorded
What you gonna do with all that junk? All that junk inside your trunk? Imma get, get, get, get, you drunk, Get you love drunk off my hump. My hump, my hump, my hump my hump my hump. My hump my hump my hump, my lovely little lumps (Check it out)
Download12/03/2011Not recorded
Draw a circle, that's the earth. Draw a circle, that's the earth. Draw a circle, that's the earth, I am Hetalia!
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Hold on a second! Eternal chaos comes with chocolate rain, guys! Chocolate rain!
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hello lol
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your about to witness the presentation of eveready team. prepare your self five. four. three. two. one.
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HeLLo iM GlaDOS aNd i WANNa KiLL YoU
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hola mi nombre es glados
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it's YOU, it's been a long time, you know i've been really busy being dead, you know, after you murdered me
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Hello Theotime, The Aperture Enrichment Center requires you to be a test subject
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Hi world
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william, you are wanted downstairs immediately.
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Who the hell are you and what do you want?
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What is a class of engineering applications?
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I suppose we could just sit in this room and glare at each other until somebody drops dead, but I have a better idea.
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this was a triumph! im making a note here, huge success!
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Wait! no! Don't spill that drink on me! Noooooooooo- system error.
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You fat, bloated eediot!
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Por favor, mantenham a postura neutra
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Hi, my name is Nasser, I am a cyborg, nice to meet you
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nothing is true everything is permitted
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I hate you, and that is not a lie.
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hi im testing your voice
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hey kazan, how are you doing?
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zxzcas
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hello santtu, welcome to your workstation
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It's been a loooooooooong time.
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Hello Matthew. You do not seem to be healthy at the moment. Is it because you are dead? It is, you simpleton.
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You are listening to the podcast called TEKNICAST
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Well, Sam. I don't think you understand the concept of testing.
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Oh, it's you... Welcome back. My.... MASTER.
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Don Capri
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hello there friend blah blah blah beeeeeeeeep
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Hello. How are you. I think that this is all foolishness.
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Well done. Here are the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: A horrible person. We weren't even testing for that. Don't let that "horrible person" thing discourage you.
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hello i am Glados i run this device what do you want sir
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Hello, you have a new text message
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Hello! My name is Spidy and I'm a spider. . .OK, not really. I'm really just a tiny robot that happens to look like a spider. But I have dreams of one day becoming a real spider. But I need your help! Even though I look very spider-like, I don't know a
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hello moto
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Hello, Matt. I know where you live.
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There is a hole in the sky through wich things can fly
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SMS, you Idiot. Get it
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You could also try not to fail.
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Hello and welcome to aperture science laboratories, also known as "i do what i want with guinea pigs" labs, but that's between us.
Download12/03/2011Not recorded
I call this test...no, forget it. It doesn't matter what it is named, the important thing is that it will test your subortioal-body into elementary physiscs mind on the geniuies stage. You will understand that after the test. If you surivive....
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Hello my name is
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testting 1234
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AWWW YEAAAAAH
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hello, so it's jou?
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Hello, and welcome to the Enrichment Center. The Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device has had slight modification since it's inception. Try not to break anything.
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Hello, and welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center. The Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device has had slight modification since it's inception. Try not to break anything.
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Hello. You are now in possession of the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device. With it, you can create your own portals. I've already places the portals in the right locations.
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Because you are obviously way to stupid to do that on your own. In front of you is the blue portal.
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The orange portal is somwhere else in this test chamber, also known as your beloved home. To complete the test, find the orange portal without going through the blue one. When you're done I will have a surprise for you.
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Hey friend! How'd you like to be neighbors? Come join me in Mafia Wars, where you create a family empire, join your friends on missions, challenge rivals and more!
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dear diary, today was awful
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Hello, this is the first text record with a Browser Glados Voice generator.
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I try the GLaDOS voice generator, now
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you animal
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Jackson is a preb
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hello would you like cake
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I love to see you fail now bite me
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oh hello there, i didnt see you
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We are Lulz Security, and this is our final release, as today marks something meaningful to us. 50 days ago, we set sail with our humble ship on an uneasy and brutal ocean: the Internet. The hate machine, the love machine, the machine powered by many mach
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I am sofa king we todd ed
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Glados linux script inicialization. Welcome!
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Hello. My Name's Toney.
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Here is a Snow White Fish Bait for you! I hope you like it! Would you help me out by sending a free gift back?
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ayudaa
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i hate you so much...
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Has anyone ever been so far as to even
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Welcome to the apeture science place
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Hey, what do you want?
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Drako, eres gay
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Answer your cell phone you incompetnat
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I love you Victoria Madison Operle
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hello today we will be doing
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contesta el mensaje
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Hello FRIEND
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Oh! It's you. Welcome back. It's been a long time.
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Oh! Are you going? I miss you already. Well don't come back!
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You are listening to a MEDUCATIONAL BEATS Production.
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Hello Shawn
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hello katelyn why do you keep beating me in my game?
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weienr
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Hey, you wake up! You got testing to do!
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Hello. I am Galobooshka. Haha Narf.
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incoming mesege
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oh hello there i didn't see you there being dead and all
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hello declan
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yo ima potato
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hello, hoe are you jordan?
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Boot sequence complete
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stitches rules!
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Welcome James
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The V-spot
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Welcome to the Ever After Kickstarter
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"Hello my name is Potato wait no its GlaDOS hahaha l o l cake, cake, cake".
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Hello Grant
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me and my drum
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hello wats ur name
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Please Get Back to the Test!
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Did you know that time really doesn't exist? It's just a simple measurment of the events of the now.
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There really is a cake, you know. It's been sitting in the break room all these years. Oh, you want proof? We also have coffee.
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You are the ugliest piece of shit that I have ever had the misfortune to know.
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To all of the immature humans that force me to curse and use derogatory language... You are all terrible people.
Download12/03/2011Not recorded
the cake is NOT a lie, just late
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dont touch it its useless. i hate you. stop using the button. im sorry that i disentegrated the companion cube.
Download12/03/2011Not recorded
Where's my spatula? I found yours in the cupboard. CUPCAKES!!! PINKIE PIE! APPLEJACK! TWILIGHT SPARKLE! RAINBOW DASH! RARITY! FLUTTERSHY!
Download12/03/2011Not recorded
Merry Christmas
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Ich bin da
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Your life is meaningless.
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Kuzivakwashe.Ryan is awesome.
Download12/04/2011Not recorded
I will crush your bones you mofo
Download12/04/2011Not recorded
Hello. What your name?
Download12/04/2011Not recorded
we believe at the aperature science laboratory
Download12/04/2011Not recorded
what is love, baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more
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Hello and welcome master.
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hello to apertu sience
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Motherfucking Hitmarker Try Again Thats Right Fuck Him Up
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Welcome, to the test chamber
Download12/04/2011Not recorded
What are you looking for?
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yeah right
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i kill you but not now
Download12/04/2011Not recorded
Chessa, I'm beginning to question your commitment to science, since you have been rather absent of late.
Download12/04/2011Not recorded
Chessa, Jim needs you to startup the X Box, for science.
Download12/04/2011Not recorded
What time is it?
Download12/04/2011Not recorded
Oh, Hello again.
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inspire
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Hello it is good to see you its been a long time
Download12/04/2011Not recorded
the cake is not a lie, Owen. But I hope you enjoy your birthday you filthy human. I mean, you wonderful human.
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hello hello who is smelling
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new mission available
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My ROFLCOPTER goes SOI SOI SOI SOI SOI
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Hello holden
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You are as presumptuous as you are poor and Irish! Tarnish notte the majesty of my towering pillar of hats!
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l i f e g o e s o n
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Welcome to your first test. My name is Meedow. Your weapons are on your right side. Your supply is on the left side. Good luck you will need it
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Testing, testing. Testing this shit out.
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Now I only want you gone
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Thomas Baker is a gay fuck
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Hello and welcome to the enrichement center
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pork
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Hey sexy
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HI my sister! Happy Birthday! muhahaha
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Karina, I know where you live. You know what you did, don't you? You killed me. Hahaha fat chance.
Download12/04/2011Not recorded
Karina, I know where you live. You know what you did, don't you? You killed me. That was a joke, haha fat chance.
Download12/04/2011Not recorded
Greetings, what are you looking for?
Download12/04/2011Not recorded
Your search returned zero results. Please try again.
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
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Hello Mehul
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I love you Emilie
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why must you suck at this
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Hello. I am GLaDOS. I am a retarded moron that thinks I know what the hell I am doing.
Download12/04/2011Not recorded
no no no thats not how it works you monster
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how can you think that you could make all the difference ?
Download12/04/2011Not recorded
You're doing very well. Please be advised that a noticable taste of blood is not part of any test protocol, but is an unintended side effect of the Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grille, which may, in semi-rare cases, emancipate dental fillings
Download12/04/2011Not recorded
Hello You suck
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Hello ando
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My name is Lauren. Kawaii desu!
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Hello I M Mean I am GLaDOS
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Laugh Out Loud
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hello sleepy boy. I've been waiting
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I love the catbus!
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Hello there will. Are you ready to conduct some tests?
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Hey you ! What the fuck are you doing here ?
Download12/04/2011Not recorded
ben is dumb.ben is dumb.ben is dumb.ben is dumb.ben is dumb.ben is dumb.ben is dumb.ben is dumb.ben is dumb.ben is dumb.ben is dumb.ben is dumb.ben is dumb.ben is dumb.ben is dumb.ben is dumb.
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Hola fabian como estas? quieres iniciar secion?
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feith
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suck me off
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I brought you a cake. Now eat it you fat slag. Don't make me stick that portal gun up your ass and make a time vortex!
Download12/04/2011Not recorded
Hello, You have reached Joubin Jabbari's Voice mail, He is unable to answer this call as he may be doing something more important than talking to you, please leave a message and he will call you back.
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Lindsay is calling, answer your phone or I will kill you. Glados out.
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Your mother is calling. I think you want to get this one, she sounds mad.
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You have a text message. I wonder who else is disappointed in you.
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Ey Bodo, Cro ist voll cool und rauch mal weniger.
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Never trust.........in a smilling Fox
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Croydon
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jen'ari
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Never touch a running system. Glados is the ost impresiv system wordlwide.
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eww gross
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Here is [ Skill Permit ] to help you out!
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What is this i dont even
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you will never take my pants of you dirty bastard!
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Hi,my name is GLaDOS,I like boys.
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Hello perb! Your phone is ringing, it could be important
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You fat, bloated idiot!
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Welcome to Windows, Sideromelane.
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I am the lucid dream, The monster in your nightmares. The fiend of a thousand faces.Cower before my true form. BOW DOWN BEFORE THE GOD OF DEATH!
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If you don't give me that cake I will kick your fucking ass.
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Oscar, you keep the money.
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BLARGH
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Spy sapping my turret
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Hello there Din
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Hello, my name is GLaDOS and I'm still alive.
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sdhsuhdushdaooaosiaodasoidasidoh
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Chupathingy
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The enrichment center reminds you that weighted companion cube will never threaten to stab you and infact...cannot speak
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this next test will see how many times you can brush apple jack's mane
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This next test will see how many times you can brush apple jack's mane.
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Alex, would you care to play a game?
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Dorian, Are you ready to begin testing?
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Hello Lucas
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Hello, Claudia is not available to take your call. She is currently testing. Please leave a message.
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hello biscuits
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Eres muy pava
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cody you poop
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you've just had the almost imponderable joy of watching charlie is so cool like, which makes you like cool
Download12/04/2011Not recorded
Hello, Brent is not available to take your call. She is currently testing. Please leave a message
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buceta
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Please do not disregard or delete this message, as it is confidential and will not be resent.
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and that was the portal facility
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Dj J.R.
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are you still procrastinating?
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Happy Birthday Little Alex. I wish you science.
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Das sollen Sie nicht sagen.
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mi hermano axel es gay y le va al cruz azul
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i am not posting my email you fat fuck
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Da-Da-Da-Da-Do-Do-Do-Do-Do subscribe! Outro of turret-ness then cake-ness then freedom-ness then... DIE!
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This bus is departing on route... 13... silver loop
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DJ Hello again REMIX
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Hi What is up
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hi tyler you are poop
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Hello, and welcome, again to the aperture science enrichment center
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hello how are you doing?
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Welcome Home
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Welcome Back, Isaac
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Farewell... Sorry to see you go...
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Je te vois
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Hello, And Welcome to HELL!
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i am the lucid dream
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Maybe the next idea project of orhan kipcak will have a nice outcome!
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I have a dream
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Beware the science! It is the greatest.
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weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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You are a goat. A goat?! WHAT!
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Hello. Welcome to Goatville. Don't be a douche.
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Welcome humans. This is what happens when a mix a squirrel and a lamp. Enjoy.
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Hello User If you see this File on Eleens USB Then im glad to meet you. My name is GLaDOS also known as Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System And is from the game called portal.And will kill you
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Luke, i am you're father!
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Someone is endevering to contact you telephonicly.
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Welcome to the aperture science laboratory!
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I don't understand. At all. Because you are a dangerous, mute lunatic. Oh, wait. Did I say MUTE? Yes, there it is, in your file. And its says you tried to kill me! Which makes you a MURDERER.
Download12/05/2011Not recorded
Welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center.Now I will give you the handheld portal device. But now it works with potato
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Welcome to the Aperture Science computer-aided enrichment center, 2M.
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You have reached Jerry Bennett Masonry. Our office hours are Mondy through Thursday eight A. M. until 4 P. M. Thank You.
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Hello, It's been a long time...
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Szia balazs
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I don't know why I hate you so much.
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Text Received
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Power modification, engaged.
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help me stupid
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oh look... someone likes you
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What Are you doing? Stop it!
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Thanks for watching Kitkatorange44
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it was a normal day at the office
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Hello there lets get started
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Step away from the egg, please
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Tony Fad production
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fica, vai ter bolo
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You do not deserve to live
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batman
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Hi my name is not your bisness
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simon you are very cool and thoughtfull i will love you forever
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Jason you have an icoming call
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Matt is awesome
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join us
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Hello there Beth! How are you?
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Join the Cheese Head Revolution!
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LOOOOOOL
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xd
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bonjour orobas
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Hey Lyda I love you
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You fail Tony. You suck at games.
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Doomseer will keep on feeding. And feeding. And feeding. How sad.
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Witam
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Welcome to E F Johnson
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Hello, you have new short message text
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Procrastination is a bad thing
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Hello Humans. Welcome to your final class of L I B 200. And your final day on earth.
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hello and welcome to dj discords
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Will you stop taking a shit?
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Fica,Vai ter Bolo
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Somebody please tell them who the F I is
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hey this is shaydog360
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TryHardNinja: So we back in the mine, got our pick axe swinging from side to side, This task a grueling one, hope to find some diamonds tonight, Heads up, you hear a sound, turn around and look up, total shock fills your body, Oh no it's you again, I coul
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robotstunt
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Aaron, you suck shit at madden. Just give up. It's not for you. Stick to watching Longhorns football, not playing it. fuck you
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Atallah come here
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Hello Lil P time to go night night.
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I am finally admitting defeat... I am a mean old computer and I resign! Now Atallah will be in charge of all scientific experiments conducted in Aperture Science Laboratories. Atallah is the best engineer in TF2 after all !
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boooob
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Your mother knows best and she loves you. So, you need to listen to her or I will torture you in our labs until you are ready to respect her. Are we clear or what?
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Black Mesa EAT MY BANCRUPT COMBUSTABLE LEMONS! shut up GLaDOS! NO YOU! gordon freeman W T F
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Hello. I am GLaDOS. I may not be nice, or so mean, but i still want to kill you as you are a little monster.
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Well, Hello there! Why don't we start some science?
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Hello there. the cake is a lie.
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Hello there...
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hello, I am glados nice to meet you christopher
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Oh look, I've found some email for you. Not that you care enough to read it.
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You must be kidding.
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Hi there idiot.
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first you will be baked. then there will be cake
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The apeture science program i glad to blow your mind
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the aperture science computer aided enrichment center is pleased to blow your mind
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I am a weapon of mass destruction, I can kill you
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So you have a bottle of horlicks!
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1 2 3 4 I'm a dirty computer whore
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yes... come to us.. we are ready
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Hello. Welcome back Matthew.
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rick baker, I'm tired.
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WELCOME THE DANCE EVOLUTION OF MISSIONWAY
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You're listening to W U O G 90 point 5 F M.
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Play Superman 64 or die
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Hello, my name is Darmin
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If you do not enter any email, you will not be notified
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hallo test
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Dit is mijn presenatie van mijn Onderzoeksvraag
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Hello welcome to the aperture laboratories
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Hello Kevin. How are you this morning?
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You have a new message, I suppose someone cares about you
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Hello Class, I have lost my voice today so please be quiet
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Hello nick woodman have you used the voice changer yet
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oh my god minecraft
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three men
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I would like to know who this is?
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Hello Nick, This is GLaDOS again, you have a new message waiting. And Cake!
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I like cheese.
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Hello, I like cake.
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Forgive me father, for I have sinned.
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Fuck you you dirty douchebag.
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Hello. Merry Christmas MyToobs.
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Skyrim is the best game
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aperture technologies
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turn on you
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The tail is in your head
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My Name Is Jordan
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Oh God i am so horny for you me love you long time lets get it going... Touch me make me bad for you....
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Please search for another interesting poster!
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Order ready to be finished!
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You got an SMS
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I just want to test this generator, to see if it is actually any good.
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Ohai Jordan, why are you so stupid
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Hello, I am You. In Robot Form. Confused?
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Before we continue viewing the logs, please note the claw coming up behind you. Just be happy we didn't make another portal joke. the cake is a lie. James don't eat the cake.
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You first test, put on your jacket.
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Hello, you have a new message...
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Hello Carlos, how are you?
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Pyzdets
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Hello, Mason, how have you been?
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Well, when one's opinion is different, said one should be eliminated.
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ok one clap
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Bonjour Maurine Chaplais
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Peter now you will die
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Welcome in Aperture Science
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Baby baby baby hooooooooo like baby baby baby hooooooooooooooo
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in a world, filled with media violence
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Tap is awesome
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Hello. Kathy is gay.
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Hello I was excepting for a monkey you don't even look like a monkey oh well
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Why are you calling when there is nobody home? Do you have any idea how dumb you sound? Oh well, here comes the beep...
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Salut nico je te souhaite une bonne fete
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don't disapoint me or i make you wish you could die
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you seam to have a new message.
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We only pretended we were going to murder you. That was great.
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Go Away
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Ho ho ho. Merry christmas you fat tub of unlard
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Ho ho ho. Merry christmas you tub of unlard
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Hello, i am ramiro
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Systems Engineering Lazy Admins
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vai se fuder
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Atticus, would you like to play a game?
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Hello, Ronnie. Ophelia says Merry Christmas. You monster.
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You cannot change weapons while attacking.
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You cannot change weapons while attacking
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Please step inside and try not to make the floor dirty
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Welcome to the Syther Computer Science company.
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thank you. it has gotten worse with the stress from the hurricane but i am only having "episodes" 12 or 13 times a day now.
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Hello I like jam
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Hey, I like jam!
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I hope you fucking die.
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i'm a pony
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what the fuck are you doing ? je suis un poney onche onche
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Je suis un poney et je rentre dans la carapace de mon albatros
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What's the name of this dubstep song? It goes dub dub dub dub dub dub dub lub lub dub dub wawawawawawawa dub dub dub
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Attempting to write file
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SOUP!
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Hello and Welcome to our Skill testchambers. I will be honest with you about this one, it's hard!
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joyeux anniversaire
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happy birthday halvard
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what is this voice sounding like
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you are recieving a text message
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hello harman
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hi welcome to mexico where wonderful things may occur
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THE GALACTIC MARKET on Coruscant was as busy as ever, but nobody paid any attention to Revan as he made his way through the crowds. Almost two years had passed since he had been proclaimed the savior of the galaxy. Though the Senate had awarded him its hi
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hello there how are you today
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Welcome to the Aperture Science
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We here from Aperture have concluded that your argument is invalid.
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I'm not entirely sure what this 'tsundere' is, but I do not like you referring to me as such.
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VIP engage.
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hello welcome to the aperture enrichment center
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Twenty Thousand Leauges Under The Sea , A book report by shamus barrington
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you need more pieces
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20,000 Leagues Under The Sea A Book Report By Shamus Barrington 9 3
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Someone seems to be calling you. I can't imagine why, though.
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Hello, my name is Testing. Let's see how this turns out.
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hi alex! your a moron! NEURO TOXIN, SO DEADLY, CHOLIHG, HAHAHAHAHAHA. kidding.
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Ring Ring
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Hello C.E.C employee Isaac Clarke do to system faliure I have assumed control of the U.S.G Ishimura
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Failure to fight aligned will result in negative comments from fleet. Followed by death.
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hello gamers how are you? fantastic? Terrible look to your left. that was your right fool
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What the hell do you think you are doing?
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Hello, I would like to make an appointment with you.
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I need to snap out of it!!!!!
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The girls go to the Earth gravity zoned kitchen so that they can eat properly.
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Commencing full on food fight.
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Chell why don't you give in, i so dearly want to perform experiments on you
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Why don't you go die for once?
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You miserable little waste of space failure.
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I am king, you fail. boom.
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William, you have a new message
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Hello. I'm GLaDOS and I am here to narrator all of your shity questions as a decoration. Good Luck trying to get all the rigth answers.
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The phone is ringing, would you like me to terminate the caller?
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What's good? It's yo boy, FlukeDogg08. And welcome to another commentary video by sexy Raven.
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Hello and welcome to the Splapperture Science Irritating Center. For more information please check the help section.
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Rinehart
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You think that's air you're breathing now?
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You are listing to Phi Paw Radio
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god i hate you.
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You smell nice.
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You smell nice. Did you take a bath in cupcakes?
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Oh..... That. MY LEG! Stop doing that it really hurts!
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Your teeth hurts.
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Microsoft
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I love you Cave Johnson
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schedule event reminder
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Oh. Hi. How are you? Because I am a potato.
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don't know bout my mad hax
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Oh. Hi. How are you holding up? Because I am a potato.
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a scheduled event is approaching
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There are lots of questions and you have to press the correct answer. Is it really difficult to understand?
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You seem to have received a text message
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hey this is zubair,Zubair Jahangir Please leave the message after the tune. thank you!
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Can I have a freeday?
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hey this is zubair,Zubair Jahangir Please leave the message after the tune. thank you
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after the tune. thank you
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lunnnnnn
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Hello insert user name here!
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You have reached the voice mailbox of Matthew Finch, please leave a message.
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Come back here!
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I am a stupid person
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Fica, vai ter bolo.
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Skraldespanden
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I dont like you... i honestly dont.
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pigu hi tyhx lol good bye im a pen
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Time for you to die now
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aperture the new generations will be coming soon
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Darth Mike
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Alarm
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All this testing, all this time spent, has only been to solve world hunger.
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Globalsoft students it is time for your period 5 lesson. Please proceed to your classrooms.
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Well hello there, let's get started
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hello im the loopy loop thing
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We would like to welcome you to Aperature Sience Testing Program.Please do these tests for cakes.
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Hello Andrew
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You go too far
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ahh what is this strange vibration i dont ahhh understand make it ah stop
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Bringing back the good ol' days
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oh your god. how did you get so fat
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hello you nutters
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Hello Does this thing work. Russell is a twat hahaha
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you need to get smarter!
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Hey. Get out of here aimbotter! Peace!
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Perfect. Please move quickly to the chamber. Broken stairs are not part of the test.
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Due to mandatory maintainance, the fourth floor cannot be reached by elevator
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My name is bend over
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lol papa je voudrait du gateau sil te plait !
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Hola Paco
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Hej Peter jag testar bara
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hello welcome back
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hello subject 218 you are testing for me, the thing you have in your hand is a portal gun, find the yellow portal gun and find my voice
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Hello, and again, welcome to the enrichissement center.
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Bonjour et bienvenue au centre d'enrichissement d'Aperture Science.
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winter camp two thousand twelve
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You think im stupid? NO! You're stupid!!!
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Hy guys I'm GlaDOS and I'm here to ask you one thing. Please follow the other account because this one has no space left. The new sets will be uploaded in the other one now. The links are in the description. Thanks
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Hi guys I'm GlaDOS and I'm here to ask you one thing. Please follow the other account because this one has no space left. The new sets will be uploaded in the other one now. The links are in the description. Thanks
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