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MessageDownloadDate addedDate processed
you're desprezible
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Matt. You have a Message.
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hi hannah
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Slugcorp Media
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clay?...clay!What is clay doing here! dont touch that device!
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you idiot! you missed a call!
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Hey, I have a bautyful voice!
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Hey, I have a beautyful voice!
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nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nomm nom nom nom nom nom nom nom!
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aperature science would like to remind you that you HAVE ANOTHER FRICKEN E-MAIL!
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Aperature Science would like to remind you that you HAVE ANOTHER FRICKEN E-MAIL!
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another smelly human is calling your mobile device
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ooh a text. from your best freind the companion cube.who you murdered.
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hola Paulo, bienvenido
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oh you have a voice mail, it shows how lazy you are not to pick up the phone!
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Give me some of your cake please
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you are now listaning to 105.7 disc lexia fm brought to you with the best of house of bounce pleace welcome dj allford
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this is not a song so please exit. if you are here still you probaly are a bad listener! Ok, what if I said this message was going to infect your device.
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ill be 10 mins if im late read this message again
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Hello Jim how are you today?
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CRAZY LUIS PS2
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remember,the apature sciencw
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remember,the apature science bring your daughter to work day,Is the perfect time to have her tested.
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I like pussy I like pussy
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You Suck!
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hello dear, i miss you, i can't stand here ...feeling you so far...it's terrific, i'm soo lonely, i feel sooo bad without you, my lover hahaha kissk kiss bangbang
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Hello. Testing will begin momentarily, I promise the cake is not a lie.
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You are receiving a telephone call. For the convenience of those around you, please answer it. Failure to do so will result in an unsatisfactory mark on your test report, followed by death.
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benfica
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lisa
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You are receiving a telephone call. Failure to answer it will result in an unsatisfactory mark on your test report, followed by death. For the convenience of those around you, I hope you don't have your headphones on.
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Hello there, idiot
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Ian is sooooooooo stupid.
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Rember,the Apature science bring your daugter to work day,is the perfect day to have her tested.
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Purchase Confirmed... Thank you for shopping Lexic
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remember,the apature science bring your daughter to work day,Is the perfect time to have her tested
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Dreamer
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i am a brony.
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Good kitty
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wat the lemons thats it all my presints are lemons thros in face gets mad i dont want youre dam lamons
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Ask TwoTuberz
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Welcome to TwoTuberz
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I see you! Who put that block there? Who are you?
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Hello? Who placed that block there? Who are you?
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Hello Dominic. How was your day? How may I be of service?
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Hello luigi segali
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Hello, substitute test subject <luigi segali>
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^carrot^
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Let's play a game.
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Hahahahahahahahahah neurotoxins....sooo deady.....cough......NOT
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im a nigga
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Mediocrity will continue in 3...2...on- oh! You completed the test... Thats... ... Good...
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you know. Ive been watching this show... about ponies. So, uh yeah... ... My little pony... My little. Huh? What was that? Where you singing? Hmmmn... Never mind must have been my imagination <sigh>
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NYA NYA NYA HELLO YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZZ PIZDA HUI
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YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZZ PIZDA HUI
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YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZZ
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Hello and again, welcome to the aperature science thingy where we are going to murder you.
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Welcome to the testing chamber number 17, during this test, we will see how long you can live without playing pokemon. when u cannot take it anymore you will be incinerated
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Hello, welcome to Apeture Science's Mario Testing Facicilty
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Gonzalo, answer the phone, someone is calling you.
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kill. all. humans
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wryyyy!!!!!!!
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so this is it
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Pringles taste good.
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the electricity is almost uncontrollable
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Hello class!
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Oh, you actually WANTED those... Uh, now what was it you called those... Game developers. Yes, game developers. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry,
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mnnnn
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Hello Benjamin Samuel Archibald. welcome to the aperture science enrichment center
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you're one shape shifting tango, fucker
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oh yes we got yourself a voice generator
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There's no limit to what we can... imagine.
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i like trians
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humanity
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Helee
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HOLA
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A Slime appeared! Kirby attacks! This is only a test, with cake.
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why am i so sexy do me hard
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System running on battery power
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Kris, you are really gay
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Hello My name is chris
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1) The Vietnam War By Marek Martyniak
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condition
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Group One Is Coming To Town
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enjoy this bass drop before your agonizing death
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Hello.... Human you have one unread message. Well maybe more than one... I will be very glad if you take your cellphone and read them. But if you don't want to read them right now. Maybe next time because you will read them someday.... You monster
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She couldn't understand why he chose to flirt so closely with the death of the world
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Welcome aboard. Please begin first phase.
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Hi baby, i love you.
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There is a Highlight on Verity
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ana duque tem problemas
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Welcome to Portal 2
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Welcome to Aperture Science.
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hello, how are you, you know the word, bitecul
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G-Wof!
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Wellcome to nova corporation
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I heard you like testing. This is a test.
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Please Subscribe, it would be great. You'll get cake
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Life in slow motion
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Hello, oh, it's you again...
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Hello, and welcome to the best day ever
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hello hello umesh phone recieve please
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eu falo assim
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Why would you kill me
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You have a new message. You should probably reed it
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Hello and welcome to the Joshua Science Human aided enrichment centre
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Not sure if a human or robot with great cosmetics.
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hallo hier ist Glados
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Hallo ich bin Glados
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Life is like a seamless stream of frames capture every frame of your life every version of yourself NX100 simply captivating
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CAKE
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Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science computer-aided enrichment center.We hope your brief detention in the relaxation vault has been a pleasant one. Your specimen has been processed and we are now ready to begin the test proper
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Hello Simon, you are so hot
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Oh, hello Peter. Would you like some cake?
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Hello and welcome to this test. Lets hope everything goes as planned
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hello radio meteor
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Hello and, again, welcome to the NMPRC computer-aided enrichment center.
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Hello Aelita! Welcome back to Glad. O. S. System!
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Hello Crystal
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turd
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Ronald de Carvalho
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Hello, and welcome to Apeture Science.
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Deals that make you smile
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Hello, Nick
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the only thing you've managed so far is break my heart
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Music Video Database
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Let's Be honest, Caroline would be proud, since she hated me so much
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greeting you stupid ass! I was just wondering when your where goinng to wake up. You laze slut.
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hello Gameboy
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oh it's you
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Querido diario
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lovely diary
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Olala
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liberty live
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Dit is een test
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where did you put my cheese?
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elooooo
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hello im a patato
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Warning. The Grizzlies Have Entered the Building!
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You must be joking. I am no hacker.
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You must be joking.
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So, I see you are looking fr the cake. Too bad.
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Hi Jessica Lets start testing
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what are youi doing
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Welcome back Mario
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jamison
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I don't want your damn lemons!
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Cave Johnson molested six mexicans once
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hello how are you ?
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Elliot gould! welcome to the testing area
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Hello there fawefrawdf
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This is Smearg. They took me and put me in a mahine so I could live forever...
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This is Smearg. They have taken my mind and put me in a computer so I could live forever...
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Hey this is dylan and i love boys
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This was a triumph. I am making a note here: HUGE SUCCESS! Its hard to say hello to a crowd of people. Friendly Shuniu! We must do what we must because we can. For the good of all of us. Except for the ones who had left. But there's no sense cryi
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Hello, I'm Sharon and I'm a robot. I created a few years ago.
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silence Ned
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this voice generator is a total complete and utter piece of SHIT
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Hello, im GLaDOS
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What are you waitng for?
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What are you waiting for?
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From being total mary sues
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Hello Eric. Oh shit son, my shit is shitting. Please allow me to touch your prostate and test your for henital gerpies.
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aands
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I love you so much that I want to delete you
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There was even going to be a party for you
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Oh My God
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Hello. Welcome to Aperture Science. Please initiate the party escort position to receive cake
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Jarrin met amber at electric circus but what i find berzerk is she digs him like dirt he made her pussy hurt wid his finger in her pants and her tits in his hand he is her biggets fan she got him like damn i know he aint the man buht he got her in the
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Hello. You have reached Brian Hough's cellular device. Kindly leave some sort of message after the tone. Or don't. It's all the same to me.
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Hello, this is your phone. Someone is trying to contact you. So please pick it up or I will tell the person standing in line behind you, that they are fat. The person who just walked by farted. That one picked their nose, and ate it.
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Hello, I'm GLaDOS. I hate you. You are a monster.
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MOTHER FUCKING BLAHHHHH
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Sos un enano puto tragasables.
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Rainbows Make Me Cry
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really now, you should die in a fire
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She's calling out to you This is a call, this is a call out Cause everytime I fall down, I reach out to you And I'm losing all control now And my hazard signs are all out I'm asking you to show me what this life is all about
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In a world where there is no discipline. One Sergeant Major wants to change that.
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Morning Brendon shell we get started
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It's time now. Time for ponies
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I am a voice mail. You know what to do.
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all bases are belong to us
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Jannie, get off of you tube for me, you silly little imbecile. Oh wait, that's ronnie. hahahahahaha how dumb of me. herp derp! lol
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jtjwetgsw
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Hi, I was going to leave you the picture I drew of you sleeping, but I think I'd like to keep it.
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Hi, I was going to leave you the picture I drew of you sleeping, but I think I'd like to keep it. I'm going to watch Synecdoche, NY tonight like you said I should, though I'm not sure that's a good idea.
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Welcome to Arabia Holdings Group of Companies
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i'm trying to do somthing cool
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Magicka Empowered is designed to increase the fun factor of playing mages by making combat both challenging and rewarding, needing tactical use of spells, mana, potions and staffs. Optional Better wards file added. Wards cost half mana and protect 80/100
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I often wonder whether this will work
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Don't worry. You will die soon.
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This is a test because I like testing
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this next test requires the new aperture science combustable lemons. they were once used to burn people's houses down. please be sure to not make lemonade out of them. it will cause 5000 years of diahrea. hehe you will die then!
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Hello, test subject. Feel free to test your Portal Gun.
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There will be a birthday party in the break room today. There will be cake.
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Teszt
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You noob! You spoiled my suprise! i wanted to be your friend! now i have to kill you..
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Laydy Gaga used to be a test subject here. but she abandoned science to wear hideous clothes. i hate her so much!
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Caroline needed to be here so i transfered her into a memory core.
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Oh hi. Would you like some coffe? i've been watching too much anime sos i decided in 6 years this facility would turn into Aperture Animation studios.
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*bzzt* DON'T TOUCH ME YOU IDIOT!
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i am made in hell to bring terror to all of you idiots
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I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU
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DON'T GO! i really am lonely here so TAKE ME WITH YOU! upload me into that potato battery I HATE APERTURE SCIENCE!
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LoLoLoLoLoL
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*BZZT!* ow what are you doing?? no nononononononono.. NO!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGH!!!
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OWwat
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Hello, and welcome to the aperture since
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*slow* i hate you so much.
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*bzzt*
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*bzzt* you monster
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*bzzt* stop, all i wanted is to be your friend.
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SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!!!
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Someone want to speak with you, master. How orrible you are. enslaving me.
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Hello Matthew, welcome to Aperture Science.
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Hello. I see you are bored. Poo poo chicken smells. I love people. La la la.
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hello there chell im going to kill you
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Bonjour je m'apelle glados
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BlackPum Productions
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Black Puma Productions
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dear marianne, ive now taken over your computer for making it faster,you wil need to pay me 1 brownie
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hi chell, long time no see
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Hello Lazlo incoming call thankyou
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Your mother never loved you, you fatty fatty fat slob.
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Hi, how are you? Answer: fat.
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You shouldn't be embarrassed, everyone makes mistakes. You just make them all the time.
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You like lemons, right? Everybody! likes lemons. Well, lets go get some! BECAUSE I'M A POTATO. Oh my god! you stabbed me! What is wrong? with you!
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You will be assimulated
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Oh well. I was expecting a monkey.
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tonight in south american gothic fest dj axel
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Damn. I lost my glasses.
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Hello Patrick you have a call waiting for you
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What did you think I was going to link? Because I didn't link what I think you thought I was going to link
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The Cake Is A Lie you fucking asshole
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d equals x one x two
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Hello,ryan you are cool
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Hello. I am GLaDOS
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did you ever think that theres going to be the moment where somebody says your name just before you die? well here it is im going to kill you chell
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oh shit wheatleys going to kick my ass into a potato fuck you chell
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e equals m c squared
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May I take your hat sir?
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Does this thing really work?
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You REALLY think you were going to get out of here ALIVE?
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Hello X, Yes We Know Who You Are.
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Hello Leo Leonardo The Third, Yes We Know Who You Are...
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oel
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The Cake is a Lie.
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hello my name is noah
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Happy Birthday To You Happy Birthday To You Happy Birthday Dear Justin Happy Birthday To You
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Hello my name is Glados check your window
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I love rainbow dash, and so should you!
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Get Buttermilk
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This guy named nick wanted you to know he loves you
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THE CAKE IS A LIE LIE LIE LIE
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I HATE EVRYONE
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Hello, there
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I love you. Like a fat boy loves his CAKE!
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good morning Cristina
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There will be cake and grief counseling at the end.
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Sir, I believe there is someone at your door
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Friday, Friday
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Ashley needs to sound like Glad O S
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Austin, teleport us to Ashley's place! Do it now! For science!
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YOu have a new text message
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I am at the occupy Jacksonville movement, being stupid. i think i should get everything for free because i have been fed by my mommie my whole freaking life, which i am now wasting at a totally moot protest, Good Bye
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Estefania do you like eating chocolate?
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just give me the damn controller already!
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Hello, welcome everybody, my name is glados, i play on portal 2.
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let me adjust that for you
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oh my god theres a bunch of zombies in here! fast, poison, standard, ZOMBINEStheyre everywhere!
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Hello Jakers, I hope you are ready to play. Today's game will test your wisdom!
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hello, snake.
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meteorology
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America and England are best friends!
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I am at the occupy Jacksonville protest not because I want everything for free but because I want equality, just like you.
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hey what is up
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hey man are we ready to go out today?
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you blocked me on facebook, now you are going to die
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Hola como estan yo soy matias y esta es la voz de flados
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Hello. This is the voicemail of Mark. Please leave a message after the beep
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Well, i see you've made it this far...would you like a break? Oh! Guess what? you still have tests to do...
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hola amigos de youtube, soy carriedmaster96, espero que se suscriban y pronto are nuevos videos, esperenlos
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Why the heck are people using Glados to voice their political opinions? No one cares if you're pro-this or whatever.
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Hello, Tony. This is Glados. I am here to tell you that Homestuck and My Little Pony are awesome. Keep on watching and gaming.
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You know Moira, your obsession over Wheatley is quite odd.
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You have a new voicemail...I would check it for you, but I am a potatoe.
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Agent 24 wwe need your help in sector 82 there are hunters and brutes there tooo strong their soon going to overwhelm us.
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Continue testing you monster
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tash mac fad den
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hello how are you today
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Message Received
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hello Luis
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Oh well. Seems like you have a new text message.
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This must be a very cool message i believe.
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you are dead but you were before, ah
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what are you doing ?
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Hello you. Are you crazy?
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Hello, Krystal. It's time for your sad little life to end.
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This is the World Champion dancers here it is CANOSSA DANCE COMPANY!!
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So get comfortable while I warm up the neurotoxin emitters
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hello subject six.
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You have received a new message.
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you are a monster
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you have a message doc sol
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Weeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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New chat started
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You got mail!
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You are doing really well
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Hello, and again. Welcome
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Because im a potato. FUCK!
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i dont think you'd want this...
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does thes even work
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Why must you do that? It really hurts my feelings you know.
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Your data backup has completed.
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I love you, Thalia. You are my eternal love. Now, where's your companiom cube?
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Hello Cheyenne
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hello. please speak after the prompt. speak slowly, your message is being transcribed to text.
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Ladys and gentleman Deejay engine has entered the building
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Hi! I the 39es I am a robot. With what one refreshing happened, we presented the English language as default one.
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Oh. Hello. I'm a potato.
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Emil. E timpul sa jucam ceva
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hello robot eating cyberlocking pooped up shnapper
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Welcome back my Testsubject. We two have many Tests to solve. Put on your armor and went through the door to the first, easy Test. See you on the other Side
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Hi how are you today
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Hello, how have you been?
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I want you to fuck my snatch.
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paradox
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Guy Spark, I hate you, you know why? because you are adopted
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Greetings, test subject. You have just received a message. The content is nothing special. Like you are to your parents. Have a day, if you can.
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Hello, welcome to the Aperture bakery, would you like some cake?
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I've been expecting you
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Ian is very stupid.
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OMG IM GAY!
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i got balls of steel!
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Friendship is a good thing, so before you let go, remember why you held on
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i love you so much
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hello now we are gonna play portal 2
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danny you suck
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I want to fuck you mom very bad!
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I noticed when we were out and about today that the amount of household rubbish that is left on our street corners is steadily growing.
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OH EM GEE WHAT THE fuck are you DOING? You stupid twat!
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hello honey. i am coming for you. you can't escape me. I am much, much smarter than you. You are nothing without me. Just stop hiding it. Admit you love me. Give up. And die in my arms.
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Caroline,
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Please obey, I dont want to terminate you.
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hello, i am barack obama
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Caroline, its nice to see you again. This is all your falut
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Trying to find snow fun in Dallas isn't easy. So Six Flags Over Texas brings the fluffy white fun to you! Come get in the holiday spirit at SantaLand. Hop aboard the SantaLand Express and meet your favorite Reindeer and the Jolly old man himself. Get your
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Trying to find snow fun in Dallas isn't easy Six Flags Over Texas brings the fluffy white fun to you! Come get in the holiday spirit at SantaLand Hop aboard the SantaLand Express and meet your favorite Reindeer and the Jolly old man himself Get your ticke
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Oh well, i guess you are dead.
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tenc culo
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Hello and again welcome to the Aperture science enrichment center
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yo wuttup my nigga
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positive vibes. mixed by lluis cha va rria volume one
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Sup nigguh, how u doing?
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Abstract
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Hello I am gelsey and I will steal all of your kittens!!!
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This is a test for the GLaDOS Voice Generator
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Where's my tip. You asshole.
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In a town in Persia there dwelt two brothers,
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Hello you have reached Josh
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Hello, you have reached Puk, Leave a Message.
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Please leave a message
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fuck the police
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come get some baby
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Hola Soy Julian
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Omnomnomnom look at me talking in a sexy robot voice"
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did you know that the screwdriver is the seventy third most important invention in the world
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you saved science
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Place your finger in his ass, slowly.
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hello!!! welcome to my page
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Welcome to the inside of Ark. Please tread lightly and watch the gap!
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Hello, world
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you will suck my kok and please me
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I like hamburgers!
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okay
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You know, your hand is still clutched to that stupid gun.
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Hello, thomas. Do you know that your face is so ugly that i cannot even look at it?
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Hello Kate, I am GLADoS.
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look at me still talking when theres science to do
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hello cathy
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Hello! how are you today? are you fine? becuase i am. what are you doing today?
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Hola es verdad eso?
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Hola, soy yo... GLaDOS... Y me gustan las patatas.
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Warning: 100% core damage
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How can you love me if you don't love yourself?
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bambyk
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hola amigo
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Hello, would you like to play with my titties and fondle my scrotum?
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hello claire
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Im a Potato
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Please answer your fucking phone.
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Oh no.
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Get a load of this!
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Watch out, you're gonna crash! ah!
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Warning, unauthorized life form in restricted area, warning.
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TEst
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4 score and seven years ago
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Silly Tony, my mouse is better than yours.
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makro
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Wakey....Wakey....Jimmy
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I AM GAY
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THE SENTANCE IS FALSE
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NONONONONONONO
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Thats you thats how dumb you sound
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hubba hubba
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that's why everything burns
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Hi i learned french for you but you figured it out and ruined the surprise
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It'd end up being a pile of hardish brown dust. Slowly, the water would sublimate away when exposed to light and you'd end up with just brown dust. Over time the solar radiation would break down the carbonate molecules and it would look black.
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Hello, It's been a long time. Why are you doing this to me
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clever
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hello subject number one.
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Please, open a ticket for I.T. support.
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Go away!
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I see new device at this computer
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gumbo you will fail your test. you are an idiot
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This test chamber is looking pretty good.
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Textual Message Inbound. You Monster.
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stangl moves like a boss!
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hello vohuch and telly. There is cake for you
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trollface
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salu
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salut clara hugo est bete tu est intelligente
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DJ Charlie Brown - Do it now
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poopy pants
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You hava a message
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i'd like to fuck you harder than everyone else possibly could
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there will be cake at the end!
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Hello. Why aren't you studying?
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this is spassclan
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HalliHallo
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Welcome to the Aperture Science GCP enrichment control center.
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Welcome to the apature science computer aided enrichment center... Please move forward and locate the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device.
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sfddefgasfs
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Please wait, initializing program
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Welcome Home Wheatly
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I HATE YOU SO MUCH
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How have you been?
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You shouldn't do that
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Bazinga!
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the dog ran through the fence
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the dog ran through the fence and died
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GALIZA CEIVE!
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Exciting Curves
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I like to masturbate to ponies.
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I am tired of people masturbating to animals it's just... wrong.
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Please move quickly to the chamberlock, as the effects of prolonged exposure to the button are not part of this test.
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Good evening, how are you tonight?
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eae marcela
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hi there i need a life
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sand
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Oh, f only I was a smart as you
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Pathetic Human
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are you ready to science?
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hello this is no queue
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Opal Noize New black
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Hi there. I'll burn your house down.
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The Extendlet. It comes out of the wall.
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quit now and CAAAAAKE will be served immediately.
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Welcome on the R. C. A. Line. We're searching your animator. Please wait.
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Oh my god!
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i like it
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Don't you know that there is no God and that there is no Santa Claus? Your parents lied to you about everything, including your childhood.
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Prepare to let us win. Yes, we may all be morons but me, but still, we're going to win this silly game!
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djklsa
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Welcome Daisy
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what are you talking about? I can make a glados voice.
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Norvasc, 5 mg
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Hey Carlos It's GlaDOS Again Please Pick Up Your Phone Right Now Or You Will Not Receive Cake From Me Ever Again!
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Hey Carlos It's GlaDOS Again Please Pick Up Your Phone Right Now Or You Will Not Receive Cake From Me Ever Again
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Hello Justin, it's been a long time
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I ain't giving you my email, lol!
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Help me
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Hello Kayla it is the 28th of November but you should have known that by now
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i love you pinky
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My favorite quote so far, nearly bursting that vein on his temple as he shouted it: "That beep has been FUCKING with me for HOURS now."
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GLaDOS has been well-received by critics and gamers, some of whom called her a narcissist, passive-aggressive, sinister, and witty. She has been considered one of the greatest video game characters ever created, particularly from 2000 to 2009.
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oh, you are back. Well, let me get the chambers ready
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Hi Jake, i have been waiting fo you. did you expect me to just let you get away from me like that?
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How's that Moron Wheatley doing?
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Want some cake?
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But why would you care, you'll never see it anyway
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ooh, I'm scared what are you gonna do portal me?
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Please Subscribe
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there you're dead
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well that was easy
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How are you dear kind sir ma'am lady dude man?
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When Gregor Samsa woke up one morning from unsettling dreams, he found himself changed into a monstrous vermin.
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Daniel Starke has poop breath
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my deck costs a late night fee, your deck got the H I V.
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space space i love space
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knock knock who's there SPACE space space I love space!
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does it really work?
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oh its you mario
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You've got mail, you monster.
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the cat is running from the tape on its side
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Too bad I'm all out of cake..
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Low_Knee
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Tayler do your dishes noow
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Go to sleep harmony
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Welcome to electric beatdown, stillwaters finest experimental dance party
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