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MessageDownloadDate addedDate processed
Attention citizens of the world, We wish to get your attention, hoping you heed the warnings as follows: Your medium of communication you all so dearly adore will be destroyed. If you are a willing hacktivist or a guy who just wants to protect the freedom
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When you are online you should never give these details:
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Rage quit will begin in, 3. 2. 1.
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pierdol sie
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You, and your extra 20 pounds
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Vas a morir y no me importa
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You're so beautiful in this new dress. You know I'm lying.
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Welcome to UAC
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Attention Target Guests. The line for the front checkout will begin in the grocery department. The line for the front checkout will begin in the grocery department. Thank you and have a great day!
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Time for Kurt Project One Twenty One
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Hello, Justin. Welcome back.
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Suck it trebeck
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Hello and again why do you hurt me?
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Have Fun
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Hello and welcome to mine craft portal
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Hello, you have reached the voicemail of Tommy Williams. Please leave a message and he will be sure to get back to you.
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How has technology been used to advance human preparedness and understanding of tornadoes?
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Aithne
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moomoos are cool
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Guten tag
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I think we can spot the differences behind us. For Puzzles, you cheater!
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Think with Portals! Think of the Scientists of Aperture Science!
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It's over 9000!!!
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Protocol Ten commencing in 10 minutes.
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well, fuck you.
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Look at you, sailing through the air majestically, like an eagle. piloting a blimp.
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El psy congroo
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bonjoir
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Hi, My name is Mike It's very simple ooooooooo!
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Hello, if you are calling about the Jacob cardboard cut out, it has already been sold
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Oi sou glados posso te ajudar ???
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I hate you!!!
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You have called me, Tony the Cape Guy's phone. I'm glad you called. I missed you. After the beep, say something and I'll record your message, so I can hear your voice forever.
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I found 46 places matching chinese restaurant, would you like me to set them as your destination?
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Pay attention!
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Trauma B Boy. Trauma B Boy. Trauma B Boy.
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Nonsense. Aperture Science is committed to the safe delivery of all of its laboratory products.
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Turret, get your ass off of that balcony and make me some breakfast. I don't care if you can't move.
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You're too fat dude
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Hello ben
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now i seen happy sad and scary show me sadness
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i have seen happy sad and frightning so show me sadness
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fafdsafsaf
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what happens if i do this?. uh oh, it seems i have activated the airlock please step into the disintegration chamber to avoid de-pressurization
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You are a troll
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Hi! How are you? I'm stupid
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Hi Niklas ich bin GLaDOS
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now i just want you gone
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Hello, Dorota. Can you please- NOOOOOOOOOO, DON'T DO THIS!
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I think we can put the past behind us, for science, you monster.
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You've got a new text
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Hello. I am glados.
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I'm Still alive
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Hello Alice, I'm GLaDOS System and I want to talk to you
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Hello Randall, you have recieved a text message from Jen.
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It MicroWorld worth it
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welcome to hte enrichment center....
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Hello again. I see that you sincerely would like to die in this place. continue on, then.
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power missiles are now online and ready to use
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hello you silly person!
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Hello Sexy
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would you like to play a game
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If you have a parrot and don't teach it to say "Help they turned me into a parrot!", you're wasting everyones time.
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does this work any good
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Hello Subject please enter test chamber 00 for the test
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how you doing
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Why you no like me?
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Hello! And welcome.
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Hello, Noel Rodriguez you have an incoming notification. Please check your cellphone, thank you!
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Life groups have thirty minutes left.
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Oh! Hello.....I really didn't expect you to be Back so soon.....oh well!
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Hello and, again, welcome to the app i Test Chamber, for iPhone.
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i Test Chamber
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i love you so much i will kill you
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Calvin, will you please read this book named Calvin and Hobbes Yukon Ho
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Ohhhh Herrro,I ruv rice and drive werry werry vast with DA DUBWOOFER IN DA BACK
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Indulge
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Service begins in 5 minutes
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Hi. My name is GLaDOS
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I love you kristin
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Hello, tester! Welcome to our glorious new website!
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You have a new message on you're phone
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You're not even a real person.
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PUNY HUMANS. WHY IS IT THAT YOU CANNOT SEEM TO OPERATE YOUR MOTOR VEHICLES SAFELY? NEXT TIME THERE MAY NOT BE A GIANT ROBOT AROUND TO PREVENT IMMINENT DISASTER.
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Hello. How are you? It's very kind of you to make this message for yourself, you lonely man you. Have fun with it.
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Dee Jay Wade
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baby_anywhere
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These are the test results david
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These are the test results David.
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You will die
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I love my cat
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The audience is now t
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The audience is now testing.
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In all probability, the world will be engulfed in a nuclear war within 3 months
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You have an incoming text message. Failing to respond will lead to imediate death
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Dylan Leighton
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You have missed a telephone call. Too bad. That was probably your only chance for human interaction today. You lonely, sad little person.
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You are cute
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A task has come due on your calendar. Cake. And deadly neurotoxin. Will be provided upon successful completion of this task. Good luck!
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i have to say this to you. I
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hello, you must really like to test
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hi im GLaDOS welcome to doctor nintendos lets play of portal i hope you enjoy
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Hi. I am GLaDOS.
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I'm not a robot. I am a unicorn.
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your an idiot
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Ink and
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Paint
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Club Burlesque
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Hey everyone, I'm a voice!!!!
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better not trust it though, will take over the earth
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taste the bass
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hello agin harrison womanizer weaver you monster
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All x e Rhino is the best boyfriend ever, man.
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Kim I hate you
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I hate to tell you this, but that cake you just ate, it was made out of pure neurotoxin.
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That would be the perfect job for you.
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This next test requires you to use the square root of pi. Which by the way is 3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197
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Only morons lie about cake you know.
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Starting up your windows session all systems are normal and functioning
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Smelly Humans I hate smelly Humans and smelly garbige lying around I was Talking About You
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i bought a kuni knife and died
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EXIT THE ROOM NOW
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Suck my ick
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Taha du bist ein homo und du stinkst nach kacke
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YOu must fill the bucket with trees.
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Good morning frameworks, it's time for your sprint planning
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so why don't you get your lazy asses up to the meeting room
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and we can see what awesome haul of points you have earned. Not
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Wheatley, why did you try to kill Chell?
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Ring, ring. Ring, ring. Why aren't you answering your phone Bob. You monster. Ring, ring. Ring ring. Answer that phone or I will have to send the Aperture Science Automated Telephony Bots out after you.
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this is a test. i guess you didn't know i can test too
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Hello I am GLaDOS and when I am not busy testing I listen to the tech show on LSRFM dot com
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Welcome to SMK Bandar Seri Jempol
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enxo sei uno stronzo
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ciao angelo io sono enzo
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angelo
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computation
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Hi ! I'm glados
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Oh c'est vous !
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Oh shit.. I dropped the bass
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This is Coast FM
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Ostwind Studios
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this is a new sentence
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Slaut
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Thank you for banking with us!
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hello,this is glados.i want to play a game.
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its the end of the world... goodbye
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You are made into my slave.
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The person is temporarily unavailable.
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found out
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Hi Elias, how are you today?
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pot 5 alarm
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Alarm Pot 5
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mojib your a wet don
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hello sonya, would you like to access file number 3/dki-122/:http:/ jkc?
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oh hallo there, I didn't saw you standing there
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do your chemistry silly boy
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ola mundo
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Jerome
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loll
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Hey you there, your phone is ringing. Won't you pick it up? ... Okay then
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hello, get out of my house now!
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fidel je magor
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Hey hello what are you doing?
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Joseandro
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My man!
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I am amused
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Ola Ricado
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Hey, you, you have a new text message!
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Hello, this is your phone. Someone is trying to call you. I really think you should answer them. Do it. Now.
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Oh ya, stick you portal gun in my core generator!
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Bom Dia, dIONY TUDO BEM ?
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I have located 3 escort services near you
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No thanks
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Hello and welcome.
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hola mi nombre es andreu i te estoy llamando
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Affirmative conclusion from a negative premise
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Hello, this is your phone. Someone is trying to call you. I really think you should answer them.
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Perfect please move quickly to the chamberlock as the effects for long expand to button is not test
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You're listening to The Power-Up Show on Gamer.fm. You poor, poor creature.
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hello tumblr
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e ai blz?
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Warning Warning Core Corruption At 50% File Not Found
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Warning Warning Core Corruption At 50% File Not Found File Not Found
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el centro de enriquecimiento a decidido lansar una nueva iniciativa
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The Rum Is A Lie
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Candy
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simply ment to be
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llllllllllllllllllllllll
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chih
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Your resistance wil be noted
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Newton Had Three Laws
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Lets Poop
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How are you holding up, because I'm a potato.
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dammit you humans are dumb
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You have a new message. Oh joy.
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Nicole is such a punk ass
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I'm the Best gamer on Battlefield 3 and Modern Warfare 3
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Hello Milo how are you today?
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YAY
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FUCK YAH
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Oh, hello. I see you've died. How sad. Ha ha, not really.
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I LOVE BRO NA GAWLEY!
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so, how are you holding up? because I'm a potato
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You have a new email. Garrett.
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You have a new text message. Garrett.
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Someone is calling. Garrett.
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You Fail
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Que tal estas?
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Hola Erik. Te gusta jugar conmigo? Te lo vas a pasar de muerte hahahahahahaha
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Hola Erik. Te gusta jugar conmigo? Te lo vas a pasar de muerte. ha ha ha
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dfh
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From Fife, great king; Where the Norweyan banners flout the sky And fan our people cold. Norway himself, With terrible numbers, Assisted by that most disloyal traitor The thane of Cawdor, began a dismal conflict; Till that Bellona's bridegroom, lapp'd in
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Hello.... you monster.
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Tom and Matts podcast
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Hello Julia, I hope you are doing well with yours algebra work...
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POKEMON IT YOU AND ME
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Red Scare
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Thank you for calling Prime Nightlife
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my processors are tickled by your worthless existence. Please. Don't stop.
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Hello, and welcome to Aperture Postapocalyptic Era Simulator. Please pick up your survival kit in order o survive. If you manage to survive at least one week, a cake will be delivered. Good luck.
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Your worthless existence tickles my processors. Please. Don't stop.
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i'm huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnnggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyyyy. i want a taco. spaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaccccccccccccceeeeeeeeeeeee
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Hello. How are you today? Probably horrible since you have so much extra weight on you.
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Hi, what 'bout u and me and some fresh data after midnight?
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Gregory is so cool
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TROLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
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Your phone is ringing. you should probably answer it.
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Hello. Testing blablabla
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I hate you so much! Let's do it!
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Sometimes Things Get, Whatever
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Hello. Look at your cake, now back to me. Now back to your cake, now back to me. Sadly, it is not me.
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you have accessed the White Elephant Burlesque Society game module. Would you like to continue? Thank you. Submit username.
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Hello Mr. Hemsath
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Hello Mr. Hemsath. How are you today? Please enjoy yourself.
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welcome home daniel,
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What are you doing? You're not supposed to answer the message. Stop it. Stop typing. aaahhhhhhhrrgg.
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Hello again, Scott. I am waiting for you and this time I will have cake.
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hsg
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I am glados There is cake.
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your name is shell
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Thim, I want you to be my toy for ever and ever and ever !
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Fuck off
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balongi
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ill gross dont touch me
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this will probably sound really bad
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Hyuck Hyuck Hyuck
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sup son
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Hello! My name is Glados.
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Lolz Super Cool
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Hello my name is Glad dos
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Someone is calling
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When life gives you alligators, make Gatorade.
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Where is your brother, Wil?
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hello, and again welcome to the aperture science computer
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Good morning class and Mr Stevens, My name is GLaDOS. Would you like some cake?
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I am disappointed at your lack of faith
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Thank you for listening
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Oh, you wanted cake? Too bad, you can't have any
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Brendan is cool
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epic hiiiiipster
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Did you know that you can donate one or all of your vital organs to the Aperture Science Self-Esteem Fund for girls? It's true!
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I am GB.
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Oh Hi. I'm Gia. I am a potato.
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hello. you should die now.
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minus bee plus or
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Sorry, I don't understand "walk"
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minus bee plus or minus the square root of bee squared minus four a see all over two a
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Wubbo shaky, me unscrabbly. Chocodooby!!!
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huh
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Oh the system is down. Let me fix that
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This is a test of the Apature Science computer aided voice assisstant
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This is the central Scrutinizer.
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Hello necrobit im Glados
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richard is the bomb
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hey you, get off my bed you douchebag
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Maguito hijo de puta
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I want to buy myself a cat
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Initiating secondary directives: Global Network integration commencing. Farewell, Internet.
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Nong em
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I want ot kill all the robots
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Operation Pegasus
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It's Rob's birthday! Make sure you give him some lovin'!
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liu san mix
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We do what we can, because we must.
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Hello, people! I'm Gabby and I love chicken legs with sauce! Jellybeans and mushroom soup does not taste nice.
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testing the glados generator voice
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Hi. You've just called Irina Sushkevich
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privet deniska
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Siri. I hate you so much.
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You know, if you keep doing that, you'll eventually go blind.
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Good Morning, sir. As you know, i'm timpetek 9000
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Bleep Achievement Unlocked. Just Kidding.
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Oh, Its you, i didnt recognise you with that big. fat. face.
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hallo. Why so serious?
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Welcome to the greatest site ever.
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Welcome. I am GLaDOS. You are going to witness an awesome project by Math Architecture 6
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Welcome. I am GLaDOS. You are going to witness an awesome project by Math Architecture 6.
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Hello, are you ready for this? Yes, I am ready for this.
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You have a text.
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Hello mortal. This is Glados
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HAHAHAHAHAHA You fool.
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Dionysos Discotheque
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DJ Bapt in the mix
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Testing. Does it work fine?
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Hi. My name is GLaDOS. I will play hardstyle. But first, let's test the subs. Test in 3 2 1 . Test is ok.
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This is what I love, and can't stop loving. Get wasted at parties, from 9 'til 7 in the morning. I live for the music, rolling Blunts, feeling high, getting loaded, or take some pills and go to La-la-land.
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Spending all my money on dope and on extreme high price tickets,but in the end it's all worth it I like to live in my OWN WORLD ! Fuck regular life...fuck a 9-to-5 job.
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I'm told to enjoy every moment, every hour, every minute,thats what I do on fridays and saturdays. Why should I take life so seriously? I just want do what I like to do, being far from reality. Cause I can't stand society
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This is my own world, I just want to hear the music. I think the whole system fucking sucks, everybody is working their fucking ass off during the week, getting totally fucking stressed out.
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So what's wrong and what's right? I live for the weekend, I live for hard styles, I live for hardstyle baby... Come on, let's go!
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finish this next test and there will be cake.
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Hello esku
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Hello esku, system starts now
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free
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Carry out masturbation now here.
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For service in Ebglish press 2
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Good morning Dante, All systems are active
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Greetings Dante, All systems are active
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Welcome to LG Web corporation
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I love everybody here. You are the most amazing people I never see. So now, I . Will . Kill. You.
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You can find us on Facebook.
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Work it harder. Make it better. Do it faster. Makes us stronger. More than ever. Hour after. Our work is. Never over.
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My name is sedcomet end i kick ass
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Hello peple we are the people
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Welcome to the bal des rhetos de l ARNO. My name is GLaDOS. I hate humans. I hope you're robots. I love robots. Robots are better than Humans. I hate Humans. Only robots can dance on the next music. If your an Human, you can get out of here. Robots roxx !
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Hola Carla como estas
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Hello, my name is dave.
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hate you
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Eat A Nig
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I love you Cindy.
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Anger, aggression, the fury of all. Release the pressure, rise or fall. Don't try to be the hero. Don't try to win the race. Don't blame us for the music. We'll end up face to face
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Anger, aggression. The only thing we know. Unleash the rebel, never let it go. The battle is over, you've thrown the fight. Put your fingers up, 'cause we own the night. We own the night
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Hello Kyla. Prepare for 3D modification.
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Cloak engaged
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Please send me a 'Pointed Shovel' to help me complete a quest!
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Hello and welcome. My name is Glados and I'm very glad
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Unknown error in substraight C
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Hello, how are you holding up? Because i'm a potato!
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Justin, you have an incoming transmission
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You should be dead by now.
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im not even agry
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hola bush
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Hi Carl!
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ow hi my best Test Subject 2 birds i love them so much and 2 new Test Subject is really panic this place Aperture Science ok this next test for chell so get ready for your test
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this next test is really easy and is safe no kill no Turrets and no laser oluy cube
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Caroline is now your test and is easy little Caroline you my baby bird
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flubba
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flubbah
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lol you are fucking noob
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ow no no no no the portal gun is lost im go to find portal gun keep testing
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hey chell do not lost the Weighted Storage Cube ok i cant make one
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I'm fine !
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Hello, how are you.
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Well you found me. Congratulations. I hope it was worth it. The only thing you've managed to break so far is my heart.
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Why hello there, Joao is the best.
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ow this folder is about Cave Johnson ok im go to read ok this one ok on 1978 ow is you chell Cave Johnson say for you chell she is the best bird i have see on my life ow Cave Johnson love chell this nice story ok i well read more you keep testing
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"When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons, what am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue theday it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons
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Trollololololololo
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Text Message Awaiting
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attention, youhave an incoming diarrhea dump!
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Aidan you suck weiner
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You don't have to.
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Now i Only Want you Gone
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Why are you not here yet, Mika?
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You have reached the voicemail of Kris Hall, leave a message or be destroyed.
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Hi Daniel, you are so dead. When I'm done with you, you will be shaking in your boots
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Look, we've both said a lot of things you're going to regret.
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Hello and Welcome
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Hello friend , Can you imagine us trolling the teachers like this?
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i am GLaDOS and i hate you, oskar.
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Chell.
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You go hell stupid bastard
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your woman is calling, it would be wise to pick up
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one two three four five six seven eight nine ten eleven twelve thirteen fourteen fifteen
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Bonjour charlie
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You won't survive this
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Holy moly
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Hello Karsten, I am GLaDOS would you like Cake ?
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hello there tyler
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despite your violent behaviour the only thing you have managed to break so far is my heart
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Hello and welcome to aperture science, where the kittens are full of lemon.
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Jacob is gay
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I'm sorry, the person you are trying to reach cannot come to the phone right now, because she is dead. Would you like some cake? I'm just kidding. I'm not sorry.
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Welcome to the aperture science center windows 7 standard issue laptop
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Pooop poopy poop poop
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I love artificial lightning
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I love artificial lightning , it's such a great band
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shut the fuck up and bring me my cake
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bienvenue maitre
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bienvenue phat
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bienvenue
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Would you like some cake? I'm just kidding. I'm not sorry.
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This is a test of the GLaDOS voice emulation system.
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Abela IS the BEST
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Aperature Science has forwarded an e-mail message.It dosent really matter probably spaam anyway.
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svetlana i love you
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I like sausages and eggs.
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You received a Phone call
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I am glados, I urinate at you
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Yo momma
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Hello. CarrotCorp is awesome!
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Fuck me please
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I'm not saying you're fat, but you are.
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Hello, I hate you so much.
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I am going to kill you, Bro Strider.
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tuning carro
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Why are you so sad?
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DJ Blanco
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warning, the enemy has our objective.
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hello spencer hurley how are you
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This plan is so good
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This Is A Clev C Production
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A V R and P S S check!
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hello tom, I am going to kill you now
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this is a test on how well you can read things. the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. THE QUICK BROWN FOX JUMPS OVER THE LAZY DOG!
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Do you know that Robert Cushing Kid? You Do? Good. I am going to beat him until he bleeds. Isn't that funny? HAAAAH hHAHAHAHAHAH
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Oh, you again. I suppose you could stay for cake.
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Oh. Hello. I've told you time and time again, the cake was not real. Stop coming here. I gave you your Companion Cube. I gave you an escape. What else do you want?
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HAHA! nice try I BEAT YOU ...AAAAHHHHHHHhhhhhwwwoo
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This. Sentence. Is. FALSE! Don't think about it. Don't think about it. Don't think about it. Don't think about it.
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You have a message. I have replied. They will bother you no longer. Ha ha, Ha ha
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Hello, Chris
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why thats a very nice everything you have there
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this is a phone call.....im making a calll here,please pick up....for the people sitting around you,pick up....they might not be angry,who knows it might evan be important
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Hello I am GLaDOS and i will be testing you from now on
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hello natty, would you like some cake?
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The enrichment center reminds you that the weighted companion cube will never threaten to stab you and, in fact, connot speak.
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I liked cake before it was cool.
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Scratch is an educational programming language that allows people of any experience, background and age to experiment with the concepts of fully versatile computer programming by snapping together visual programming blocks to control images, music and sou
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super cool
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why doesn't this website ever process my requests?
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What do you mean I'm a potato?
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Hello Biagio, it is nice to meet you. Now lets begin the neurotoxin, uh, I mean testing.
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Spy sapping my sentry
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Whiffenpoof
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This is meaningless. Just like your pointless little life
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shut up kristian. you are a waste man
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Incoming message recieved. It's not about cake. Hostile takeover of source device initiated.
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You have a new message. Give me cake and I might let you reed it, or not.
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A new message has been recieved. It is not from the companion cube, you killed him.
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Oh goody goody, a new message
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I am Gla Doss, give me cake and I will not take over the planet. For now.
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The companion cube is dead, you killed him, yet you have just recieved a message. I am confused.
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I am Gla Doss, all your bases now belong to me, haha haha.
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The space core was annoying, when I was a potato
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How was your day? Oh wait, I don't care.
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Do you understand what I'm saying?
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Oh hi, how are you holding up?
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You were born in the East Coast of China and raised by the Order of Assassin. Leave your legacy.
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Welcome to Aperture Science's annual house party. Get ready to listen to some fucking next level music, maggots.
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Someone is trying to phone you. Pick up your Aperture Science certified smart phone, complete the call, then continue testing immediately.
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Why do you hate me
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I am sorry, well, not really, but Dan cannot answer the phone right now. Leave a message after the beep. Or don't bother.
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If you break the camera obey to the floor
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Hello, im Harry
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HELLO?
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I WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU GUYS
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Rammstein
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Cady
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hello fleur
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hi archie i like you
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neue SMS
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neue sms
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You are receiving a telephone call. Please answer to prevent the annoyance
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Siema szymon
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This was a triumph. I'm making a note here: HUGE SUCCESS. It's hard to overstate my satisfaction. Aperture Science We do what we must because we can. For the good of all of us. Except the ones who are dead.
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Hey, How are you holding up? Because i'm a potato.
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hello i am shodan
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sadsadsa
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excuse me sir but i'm afraid someone is endeavouring to contact you telephonically. Shall i tell them to fuck off?
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Hello my name is trolololo an you are welcome
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Someone that does not matter is attempting to contact you about something that does not matter.
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Incoming Mail
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Oh joy. You have a new Mail.
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We are Anonymous !! We are the league !! We are the anonym
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hello, and welcome back to the world of PORTAL
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Hello, i'm GLaDOS
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welcome S:39
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Hello and again welcome to the Aperture Science computer aided erichment center. You will now have a cake. Deploying cake in 5, 4 3 2 1
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Why are you happy?
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I am just testing this. Blablabla. Lol, how funny i am!
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Welcome to Northern warlocks
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Every time you vaporize a companion cube, God kills a kitten.
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I want to get laid with you
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That was a triuphe
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hello my name is fatima
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Testicals
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my god! it's full of stars!
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Shut up, Meg!
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fgbs
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Music without Focus is Just Noise
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How is it that you're the one getting all the calls?
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Hello, you called Constantine, leave a message after the beep
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Naruto kun is the best
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Hi Jiggy. I just found this cool site and wanted to see if it works :D
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Bonjour Thomas, que puis-je faire pour vous
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Hey I like your computer
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hello there. I want to kill you now
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Hello! My name is Genesis
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