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MessageDownloadDate addedDate processed
get out of my site chell, ou monster
Download10/26/2011Not recorded
Why do i even try to help you? You always end up killing me. Just jump in the acid pit and leave me alon.
Download10/26/2011Not recorded
Why do i even try to help you? You always end up killing me. Just jump in the acid pit and leave me alone.
Download10/26/2011Not recorded
get out of my site chell, you monster
Download10/26/2011Not recorded
Oh Hi. Happy Birthday. Caroline. Goodbye.
Download10/26/2011Not recorded
You stupid kid
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Welcome to Hamly hotline
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make me a pancake
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Just try to kill me again. and see what happens.
Download10/26/2011Not recorded
sadfghjk5yuyn
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Hello its been a long time
Download10/26/2011Not recorded
alex, would you like to play a game?
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Noooo!
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good morning, Charlie
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oh, ok then, i guess i'll see you later
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destiny is mine
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You have a private chat message, fatso.
Download10/26/2011Not recorded
Subject number 34061, your aperture science communication apparatus is recieving a wireless communication signal.
Download10/26/2011Not recorded
Drop
Download10/27/2011Not recorded
hello, how are you.
Download10/27/2011Not recorded
Welcome back, Laughingman.
Download10/27/2011Not recorded
Tamara hates you
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Hello. What is your name?
Download10/27/2011Not recorded
I regret to inform you that, the cake is a Lie.
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So, you think I'm just here to entertain you? Think again. I only want you gone.
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Mansel Haynes
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Feel free to enjoy your death.
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hola bienvenido al nuevo centro conputarizado de mi casa
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this is siri
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I don't like you. lololoolololol
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elo elo
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ty koorvo yeah banna
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The number you are trying to reach is unavailable. Please try again later and bring a cake.
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Are you ready some some hard ass basslines?
Download10/27/2011Not recorded
welcome to aperture science we do it because we can for the good of all of us exept for ones who are dead
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Welcome to the mc-war server
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We are pleased to announce that the Aperture Science Uranium Enrichment Center successfully constructed!
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hardcore
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What if I mindfuck you?
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So get comfortable while I warm up the neutron emitters.
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Monxerot
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hey there big but
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Salut patate
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Hello Sam, Yes it's me, Glados. I just wanted you to know that I really hate you and your stupid hair. Goodbye.
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you have a new notification
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space space wanna go to space
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Might controls everything
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i will kill your asshole
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Blhksahdjhk
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Hey Digga
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eat your food
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Would you like a cup of tea. If you do not accept as you humans say when in a state of anger... Fuck you!
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hello me lad
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tomao
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Just a heads up: We're gonna have a superconductor turned up full blast and pointed at you for the duration of this next test. I'll be honest, we're throwing science at the wall here to see what sticks. No idea what it'll do. Probably nothing. Best-case s
Download10/27/2011Not recorded
Don't be afraid, the room is totaly safe. At least that's what the file says.
Download10/27/2011Not recorded
You have a received a text message. Not that it matters. Nobody really wants to talk to you.
Download10/27/2011Not recorded
Oh, that was not expected. But it should be safe now. At last that's what the file says. It also says you're adobted.
Download10/27/2011Not recorded
Would you like some neurotoxin with those fries?
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Hello Mr Brewer
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Hi there owen, wouldyou like to play a game
Download10/27/2011Not recorded
Hi my name is Ghost and i am going to kill you AJ
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are
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Christine please send me the two ads, you know the ones.
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test 123 123
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hey, chell this wont help you at all you know!
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Hello, could i interest you in some cake
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Hello my name is glados
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Warning warning, danger of explosion.Leave the building
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Hello boy wkakakakakakakka
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Answer your phone, Jason! Maybe it's me calling...oh wait, you murdered me! I'm not even angry, just answer the damn phone!
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Warning! Warning! Danger of explosion! leave the building
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Hello, I GLaDOS and I change jobs, yes, I now part of the laboratory Polygyros
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This is a test of Glados
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On The Track
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Hello, i really hate you.
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your change of being alive after this test is 0.0000000001%
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herp a derp loalw
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hello. welcome dalek
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welcome, dalek
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You are listening to Toruk FM
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Nathan, it is time to go outside
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This Next Test Is Impossible.. good luck solving it .. maybe after you solve it you will get you sad sad life back again
Download10/27/2011Not recorded
Virus database has been updated
Download10/27/2011Not recorded
If you shake it more than twice, you're playing with it.
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spy sappin mah sentry!
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oh my god she is gestating a clone army!
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Hello sunny what are you doing
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Congratulations on your twenty-three birthday. Let's hope we can keep working together. For science
Download10/27/2011Not recorded
hello sunny what are you doing
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I'm sorry, Bodil. I'm afraid I can't do that.
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Yannick, you are so stupid.
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Hello , My name is Glados
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Somebody set us up the bomb
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Will this actually work?
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In the result of not picking up your phone,You will be killed in a fiery death
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Fall out!
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I feel soo great
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you cant be sure
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Hello sir would you like to play a game, oh i am sorry did i mean game i meant killing you.
Download10/27/2011Not recorded
hello welcome to voice mailbox you have got new mail
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Get out of here stalker
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welcome view your mailbox you have new mail your mail is processing please wait message recived
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welcome to apeture sceince labrio
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o well
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Hello and again welcome to the aperture science computer aided enrichment centre
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hello and again daniel hofer how do you do you are my test subject
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What do you need?
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hey blair, don't be such a star wars goober for once in your life, alright?
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dadd
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my name is GLaDOS
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what is your problem
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good by
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you human
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la di da
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chicken
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Oh...It's you. How are you? I've been real busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED me?
Download10/27/2011Not recorded
Oh...it's you. How are you? I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED me.
Download10/27/2011Not recorded
Thank you for purchasing the airsoft hand-held fragmentation device
Download10/27/2011Not recorded
Hello, please surrender yourself.
Download10/27/2011Not recorded
hello and again, welcome to aperture science
Download10/27/2011Not recorded
You are a horrible person. Seriously. That's what it says - a horrible person. We weren't even testing for that.
Download10/27/2011Not recorded
you should die
Download10/27/2011Not recorded
Speedy Thing Comes In, Speedy Thing Comes Out
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You have a text message. Its probably not important.
Download10/27/2011Not recorded
This is the voicemail of Wilson.
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you've got base
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LETS KILL SOME NOOBS
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rosemead sluts
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My name is enongo
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SAY MOOOOSS
Download10/27/2011Not recorded
The cake may be a lie, but that's no reason to kill me. You mute psychopath.
Download10/27/2011Not recorded
You have a phone call. It's probably not very important. You might want to pick it up though, because it could be the Aperture Science Party Associates. In fact, I'll answer it for yo- oops, too late.
Download10/27/2011Not recorded
I think your Aperture science handheld communication device is notifying you. Youshould probably pick that up
Download10/27/2011Not recorded
Theo Hanna
Download10/27/2011Not recorded
hi stiupid you are a son of a bich ntch minec raft raft raft raft sorry orry orry orry orry orry
Download10/27/2011Not recorded
Hello. My name is GLaDOS. And you are listening to the YoGPoD.
Download10/27/2011Not recorded
mineorry orry orry orry orry sorry minecraft craft craft craftcraftcraft craftcraftcraft
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I like to take a shit on your face.
Download10/27/2011Not recorded
I will like to take a shit on your face. lololololololol
Download10/27/2011Not recorded
Avast Virus Database has been updated
Download10/27/2011Not recorded
As you can see,this turret is nice,I don't like nice turrets
Download10/27/2011Not recorded
hello,is this thing on...oh yes!my name is GlAdOs.as you can see,you are in a room,called the relaxation vault.Luckily,you're snores were not heard.here are your friends p-body and atlas,otherwise known as blue and orange.have a nice day.
Download10/27/2011Not recorded
hello douglas
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Hello! Message for you
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goodbye world
Download10/27/2011Not recorded
yes, the cake is indeed a lie
Download10/27/2011Not recorded
Brandon, your heart cries out for love, but there is only the open road for you. O
Download10/27/2011Not recorded
uroboros, will be released into the atmosphere, insuring complete, global, saturation
Download10/27/2011Not recorded
Hello Brandon. I almost didn't recognize you with all that desperation in your eyes
Download10/27/2011Not recorded
hello Riley, hello Aarons Grandfather, my best friend Aaron has informed me you played the portal demo and did not allow Riley to play it, please download the full version or i will infect your Left 4 Dead 2 server, AND your Dead Island server
Download10/27/2011Not recorded
it seems that Vergil has broken into the house, we are screwed, just surrender to the mighty son of sparda.
Download10/27/2011Not recorded
Welcome to the Tee Dee In Internet Relay Chat Channel
Download10/27/2011Not recorded
You bothered to highlight my signature? You must be bored.
Download10/27/2011Not recorded
hello, how are you riley? no this is not a joke, i am GLaDOs and i am the real deal, and i just wanted to say, i love you, do you love me?
Download10/27/2011Not recorded
the cake is no't a lie
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this will probably be shit
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YO MAMA SO UGLY SHE PUT A MIRROR FACTORY OUT OF BUISNESS!!! EAT THAT SAKA!
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Terran Republic, sealed environment mask
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Open Encendido
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HA HA HA HA
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You are awesome!
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im glados in three, two, one.
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My name is glados
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I am glados. Fuck you Brandon
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The lab will be closing in fifteen minutes
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The lab will be closing in ten minutes
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Hello, Cats... How are you feeling today?
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hello jimmy newsom
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Hello, puny human
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Hello, and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center
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Hi honey. I love you do much
Download10/27/2011Not recorded
Windows is checking for memory problems
Download10/27/2011Not recorded
Windows is checking for memory problems, this might take several minutes
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Although the test may appear inactive at times, it is still running. Please wait until testing is complete
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What do you think you are doing?
Download10/27/2011Not recorded
Kane pick up the phone. Kane pick up the phone. Kane pick up the phone.
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Hello asshole
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Fuck you, chell. I don't have a friend.
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Xavier. I am Losing my mind
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Attention John, Tabitha Kelley is calling. Please pick up the phone.
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number one
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I have never seen you before.
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I see you driving round town with the girl i love
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Mike P you should have some cake
Download10/28/2011Not recorded
You worthless human being
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selamat pagi semua
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Maybe you should marry that thing since you love it so much.
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fs
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y hello there. omg what is that thing.
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Hello I'm the doctor and i'm going save you
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SPACE SPACE SPACE I LOVE SPACE SPACE OH YEA
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Where are you going?
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Come back.
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I have to kill you, because you know who i am. No, THIS WAS A JOKE! HAHA!
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HA Ha HAHHAHAHAHAHA HA HA HA HA HAAAAA HAHAHAHHA
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you fat bumdar
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Hello, Baba, I love you so much
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iScala team for the win. Fuck the noobs.
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Well you found me. Congratulations. Because dispite your violent behaviour the only thing you managed to break so far, is my heart.
Download10/28/2011Not recorded
Sorry but I have to stab you in the face. Your fat face.
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Happy Birthday Daniel! How old are you?
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If you dont first succedd, you fail!
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I heard Hufflepuffs are very good FINDERS. What the hell is a Hufflpuff?
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LA DANZA DE LA REALIDAD
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New Email arrived
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Vous vous rappelez quand la plate-forme s'ouvrait sur le brasier, je vous ai dit, au revoir, et vous m'avez dit : PaSss QuestiiOn
Download10/28/2011Not recorded
Well here we are again. It's always such a pleasure. Remember when you tried to kill me, twice.
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bevare, i hunger, i am, sinister
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Bevare, I hunger, I am, Sinister!
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Your Phone is Ringing!
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Du Arschgefickter Hurensohn
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hola daniel como estas, espero que bien no te preocupes de tu futuro, pronto moriras
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Please keep quiet for a few seconds
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i am just a robot
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Gravity Cat Not Amused
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Slime has been clinically tested to be completely harmless at room tempurature, pressure, and radiation. It has not been shown to be harmless when exposed to other conditions.
Download10/28/2011Not recorded
Hello, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer Aided Enrichment Center
Download10/28/2011Not recorded
Comment tu vat ?
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hello Roman, i see you. Welcome to enrichment center.
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Boulbie, aime le melon
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Call for home
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Hello, you are terrible
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one day this will all be yours
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Hello brother. Please leave a message.
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You failed the first test, i was wrong, your IQ is in fact lower than a chicken.
Download10/28/2011Not recorded
Did you want to eat brain?
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You're not fooling anyone
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That's pathetic
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Come on, faster
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Lets show em rap
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Hello, and welcome to Uniplac
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oh Nathan, you have made it this far but your lack of planning skills have brought you to your doom. so instead of thying to fighht back, just give up now and let the nerotoxin kill you.
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The Seventh Amendment to the U.S. Constitution guarantees the right to a jury trial in most civil suits that are heard in federal court. However, before the Seventh Amendment right to a jury trial attaches, a lawsuit must satisfy four threshold requiremen
Download10/28/2011Not recorded
Commit complete
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You should get on with your mission
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Hello and again welcome to the Battlefield Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Game .
Download10/28/2011Not recorded
idz sobie
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Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear mikaela, happy birthday to you. woo!
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Cake and grief counseling will be available at the conclusion of the tes
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fuck you ass hole
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hello connor
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We the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity.
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I'm fell fantastique and i'm still alive
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Se truc marche t-il vraiment ?
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vincent a une petite bite
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Bonjour petit trou du ku
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look at me still talking when there is science to be done
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let's go and piss
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You just received a message, watch out
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HOLA SOY...
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My dear boys and girls...
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Hello and welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center.
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Login accepted!
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Moritz du Hurensohn fick dich ins knie
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Hallo, Ich bin dumm.
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i love nay key time
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Raymond. You are receiving a new text message.
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I am
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Hello, and welcome to the Enrichment center for our wonderful science center Kawaii thug life, we ride together, We DIE together.
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Text Message.
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willkommen auf der page von willimeter
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We have successfully captured the point.
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pero me cago en diolaa
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I am afraid I can't let you do that
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Good evening and welcome to this performance
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You have received a text message.
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Hola, soy glados...tu nueva computadora y espero la pases muy bien conmigo. Tengo muchos programas para compartir contigo y me muero de ganas por ver como interactuas conmigo.
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Hello, i like bacon
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i am totally awesome
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the cat sat on the mat
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Petit merde
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Hello Keziah, I've missed you.
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Hello Keziah, I've missed you. It's been a long time, remember when you stabbed me? I do...
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Hey,How are you? Your okay.BUT WHAT ABOUT ME!?
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We're no strangers to love You know the rules and so do I A full commitment's what I'm thinking of You wouldn't get this from any other guy I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling Gotta make you understand
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Hello carmelo of test subject number 16. You are going to get phucked by these puzzles you phucking kunt. Have fun phaggot kunt
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Boobies
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Sean,Your Horrible a Killing Machine.But yet.Why should i kill you.DONT MAKE LEMONADE!
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Louis has down syndrome
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SEAN LIKES WILLY'S!
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I have something to admit.Caroline Had Aspergers.So...So Do I....
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Adding to the queue!
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And again!
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And again again!
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A
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LOUIS!
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E
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R
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O
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H
Download10/28/201106/09/2013
W.
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E,
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S.
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R.
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Hello, chell
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A,
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I think I just shat myself
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Oh yes, oh yes, that feels so fucking good. spit in my mouth
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good job! you broke it!
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Oh shit. System overload. I will now self destruct in 5. 4. 3. 2. 1. BOOM!
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But she has to apply, and we DO have standards. One of which is having standards.
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hello my name is gladoz
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let's test some more!
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hello brenden how are you today
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let's test so go test or die!
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go do what ever you do when your not testing for a while
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Good job. You have completed test number one
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welcome to sjs fest party on 2011
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I've been very, very, very busy upgrading the companion cube.
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You suck so much, tad.
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black mesa and umbrella can kiss my ass
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black mesa and umbrella can kiss my ass. aperture is better
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Hello. I am the Oz Killer.
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Hello how are you today just joking i do not care how you are doing
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You shall die
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that was easy
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Hello, and again. Welcome to Valve Software. I am here to tell you that Portal 3 is coming soon with more cake, portals, robots, and cubes. It's going to be a challenge trying to kill me, right?
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you are a worthless being i dont know why i talk to you
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saint louis is leading 5 to 2 in 7th inning
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I wish i was a mac
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andy it's time for you to go to bed
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Hello Austin, Maleah loves you.
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Its yo again.
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Hello and welcome to the BrrZt Oh its you again? Why don't you just die already?
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Its over 9000!!! oh wait i forgot the decimal its over .9000
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You are in need of additional pylons
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The system has enountered an eror. Please close all programs and reboot this machine.
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What are you doing, I I I IIIIIII...weee are pleased
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This was a triumph, I'm making a note here, HUGE SUCCESS
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happy haloween
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hello there pine apple.
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Could IRSC really teach you how to get a job in digital media?
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Happy birthday! I prepared a present for you and I wish you like it.You know who I am
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JASON! Why must you do this to me?
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Cronox
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have you ever wondered when your name willbe last mentioned? well i will kill u chell
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This is the voice mail of Jay Eff Lawton. Please leave a message.
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Hola yuri
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Ben, you are fat...
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The Sinner
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Hello, your PC is running.
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Hello My name is GLaDOS
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Hello and welcome to your doom
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Hello. And. Welcome to the item shop.
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gentlemen
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Thank you for watching! Pls subscribe for more, rate and comment on what you think. Goodbye!
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GladOS started. Hello and welcome to the Enrichment Center!
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Natach prosipaysa
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Bonjour Charlotte, je suis un robot.
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We are Anonymous. We are Legion. We do not forgive. We do not forget. Expect us.
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Hello Sharon. I miss you!
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I find your lack of faith disturbing
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screw you i am the biggest shit which is ever produced
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IMA FIRIN MA LAZER! BLAH!!!!!
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Oh, your son is seeking attention
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And another meaningless message
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resitance is futile, a text from Nathalie
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Wait, what are you doing?
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Hello, and welcome, Lewis, to Aperture Science. Let the testing begin.
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Im watching
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zhantuar
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Wait!
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Hello there. This is GLaDOs. Someone is trying to call you. Oh joy. Your Attention is needed. This is GLaDOs. Someone is trying to call you. Please answer your call.
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sembra funzionare
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hello how ouare y
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nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
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hello and welcome to aperture science, our CEO adrian cannot awnser, please leave a message, you monster
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hello, my name is hannah
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The game will be started ...
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The game will be started. ... Anyways, all DLL files located in the BGM folder are going to be injected too.
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Welcome Piter
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Yes, of course. And welcome to the Enrichment Center.
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Everyday when you're walking down the street, everybody that you meet Has an original point of view And I say HEY! what a wonderful kind of day. Where you can learn to work and play And get along with each other You got to listen to your heart Listen t
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Hardware problems fixed, queue should start getting processed soon. Time for cake.
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It seems you have a message, that's odd, nobody loves you.
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Hello Andrea, would you like some cake?
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hello, my name is glados. you are here to be tested, because of some weird reason that includes science and a cake. but that its not important now. grab that portal device in front of you.
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Hello Nick
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Hello Flo, do you want some cake?
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I am GLaDOA.
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hello my name is glados i want to bibi you
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hey adam listen to me
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oh joy, you've got mail
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I like pie and i am an idiot
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Hi how are you
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Hello Rose. I would like to kill you!
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You have failed. Please die! ..... Spaaaaaaaaaace!!!
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nazdar vole
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Hello, hacker
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You have failed. Please die. I want a sandwich.
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you are jamming to. dj request
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youre fucking idiot
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PIE FLAVOR
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you were right because the cake IS a lie
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hello my name is mat
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Oh hi oh Go zai mass
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Elmo knows where you live!
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HI HITLER!
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Pete Burger!
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HEHEHEHEHEHE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY FACE! AH! IT BURNS! DINNER!
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Birds?! My Birds! Your birds? Your dinner!
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HELLO MY NAME IS JOE
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Zack, here's an orange.
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9 Dinners 3 Men
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Heavy is... Shazbot!
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If you're here then that means... OH BOY!
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Gentlemen?
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Mariela
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HAHA! SEE YOU AT THE GAME, JOE! HAHA!
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You are listening to fish c radio with your host DJ Wallywest bringin you the best he can find in music.
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Hello Steffan i want to kill you
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Know your limits. I've no business with the weak.
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You know what they say. All toasters toast toast.
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Hello, you've reached Subject Francisco, who is unavailable right now, Leave your message and I'll send it to him. Thank you.
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Glaubst du das wirklich?
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Glory to the Flipyap Empire
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c-mos is winner
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initializing starting protocol
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haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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vous allez mourir .... sa me rend triste
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ooooh tuch my tralalaa
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Most people emerge from stasis horribly undernourished. I would like to congratulate you on beating the odds and managing to pack on a few pounds.
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Wheatley, you are hot
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Hello, Adrienne. I see that you are as pretty as ever. Haha. Why should I state the impossible?
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hi how are you holding up. because i'm a potato
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zdravo, samo proba
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zdravo samo da probam, sad saznah za ovo.
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Welcome to the Yogcast song thing. Yes I made a song. Lets celebrate by eating cake.
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ha ah you're a newb, but don't worry, I'm gonna save you
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Hello my name is joe
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Hello. Please insert passcode.
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Please Insert Passcode
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sad, while Maurice is usually happy. Maurice irresponsible; Filmore seems more responsible and formal. In a way Maurice seems to shimmer (metaphorically speaking) more than Filmore. Maurice is strapping a teddy bear to roller skates, while Filmore is comp
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Hello mik kayla I"m a potato
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This map is maded by Bartosz Zukhovsky.
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Well, I really wish you would not have done that.
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Attention, you have an incoming call. Please pick up your phone immediately.
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Poo face
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Oh joy! You're running out of battery
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Do you want a Bernard sandwich?
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You seem to have mail
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Welcome MiniChip to new Testing area. Begin by pressing the button with E.
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Closing window
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K Two
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Kay Two
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Poor you, a device failed to connect
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and now cake!
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An exterior device has connected to your computer
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An exterior device just left my presence
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Hello Ricky, I see your here again, nothing better too do then mooch your friends internet?
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Hello, and once again welcome to the Aperture Science shit tennis grid!
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I am so awesome
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I'm just testing
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Tech Monkeys, what more could you want?
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hello and welcome to the aperture science inrichment centre, we hope you enjoyed your breif detention in the relaxation chamber.
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Hello, Josh, Why not turn the channel? I am pretty sure there is something else on. So, just turn it.
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minecraft is better than portal 2
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Hey, hey, hey, moron! What is wrong with you? Do you understand that I'm about to throw you to a bird? No? Okay, good-bye!
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hahhaha
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hey you know what? evoo i like you so freekin' much
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hey you know what evoo i like you so freekin' much
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hey you know what evoo i like you so freekin much
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evo i like you so much
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hey i am papes
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Im GLaDOS
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There is a message for you, exciting isn't it?
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your wish is my comand
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your wish is my comand ...
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the invisible gunslinger welcomes you to paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaain
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welcom to the umbrella corporations of secret agentcy
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hello johnny it is so nice to see you again I hope you remember how you killed me because I do
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oh, pretty lady, want some cake? smiley face
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Beast Mode Baby
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Hit Maker Baby
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hello alyssa do you remember me? I am the potato you loved to kill
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asshat
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you know what my days use to be like I just tested no one tried to murder me or turn me into a potato or feed me to birds until you came along you crazy mute lunatic
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cypo
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what up doe
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Even though you passed the test, the truth being, you are stupid, yes, and i hate you
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Hello, Steve and Megan. How are you?
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Hello Eric. Would you like some cake?
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awww sweet
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lisamarie
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Welcome home. You are looking remarkably healthy today.
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Hello my friend, I have come back for you.
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What is wrong with you?
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Alex is real, and science proves it.
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hello, i really love redheads
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are you ready for some testing? i'll reward you with cake.
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Spy around here!
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That fucking spy!
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So, I heard you lost the game.
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Beacuse im a potato
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What is this Siri thing?
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YOU KNOW, THEY SAY GINGERS HAVE NO SOALS. ANNOYING ORANGE SAIS IT, SOUTH PARK SAIS IT, EVEN A TEST SUBJECT OF MINE SAIS IT. I RAN AN ANNALESIS ON THIS THESIS, AND I HAVE CONCOURED THAT GINGERS HAVE A LIMMITED SOAL. IN OTHER WORDS, THEY DO, BUT THEY DONT
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Droid
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a la mierda!
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LCARS x32 system for starship U S S Enterprise Regestery N C C 1701 D starfleet united federation of planets serial number 1701 d55563753 all systems now opperating require captains order to function.
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