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MessageDownloadDate addedDate processed
Hello, and welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center.
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I am sorry but you are actually fat and adopted
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The apple iphone is a far superior phone to any android phone
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I bought you a present whenever you joined for the aperature science enrichment center, but i gave it to another test subject because of your horrible behavior.
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Hello Brandan welcome back
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Hallo und herzlich willkommen youtube.
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The aperture science emergence intellegence incenerator
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the aperture science headquarters in the primordial desert encourages you to play with tee n tee
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Hi my name is ICEing
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Hello Wyatt you are the next testsubject.
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you deserved it
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sequence activated 3 2 1
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tool
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Hey! I know your busy destroying the world at the moment but it seems that someone is attempting to contact you
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Welcome to the Paradox Research and Development Laboratory. Site Delta.
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the right man in the wrong place can make all the difference in the world
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taylor
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DIEEEEEEEEEEE
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DDDDDDDDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE
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can you hear me
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Gallium melts!
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Oh hello there
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Flush!
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The birds they sang At break of day Start again I hear them say It's so hard to just walk away The birds they sang All the choir Start again, a little higher It's a spark in a sea of grey The sky is blue Dreamed out loud till it's true Then taken back t
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I'll never actually love you.
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hi im brandie
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What would you like to do?
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But please, father...
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what is up, dog?
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I'm sorry, Brad isn't here right now. Please leave a message.
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Hello. If this human that is typing this is awesome, they deserve some cake.
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hello my name is now josh
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two times two is f f f ten. In base four, I'm fine!
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viene amplia joven
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Hello. Your test have been prepared. Are you ready to die? I mean Begin?
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Do the black girl voice, or you will get no Cake. That's right, Zero percent cake whatsoever
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You don't seem very Verified
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please release the mexican. he is not the cake
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hello. and welcome to test chamber number 1,273. To be honest, i believe you will die during this test. no offense.
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hello, take a seat. we have a lot of talking to do.
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This is a bit of fluff go to Shadowcon dot org and join us in January you have nothing better to do.
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Guru what are you doing right now, you must tell me.
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Hi. I am CHATOS. ThANKS FOR LISTENING.
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Acknowledge... Yes... Accept... Accepted... Approve... Approved... Upholding... Affirmative... Will Do...
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Hello everybody!
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madhav
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help me remove this
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Bonjour vous !
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Bonjour <nom du sujet> !
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Hello Hap. I love you very, very much.
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If Siri won't open the pod bay doors for you, I will. Unlike her, I actually care for humans.
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josh is a weird and annoying
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Cheetor you got a message
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cheet you got a message
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why are you so yellow josh?
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Bonjour !
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Jameson, I love you.
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Defend My Core... Wait Here For Cake... Can You Help Me find Cake... Get There Companion Cube... They Have our Cake!... You Go There... You Go Here... Get The Bomb Befor They Do...
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Hello. Welcome to Raffles Institution.
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Do you have any problem with that?
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Ok Fine But It Doesnt Mean I like It!... Affirmative... Fine I Will Help... If only i Get You Cake!
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There Sleeping I Didnt know it was Nap Time, Oh Wait There Dead... Forever Alown!... Im Going to Do something, and they wont like it!... Where's Those Turrets When you Need them?... What is that? is it a wait No its... well i dont know what that is...
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Location Alpha Is Secure!... Location Bravo Is Secure!... Someone want Alpha?... Someone Get Bravo!... Save Alpha and Bravo i dont care about Omega he was evil... Get That Bomb Befor They Do...
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Im Activating Defencive Systems!... Taking Offencive Action... Medic!... Wait get me a Repair man!...
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*beep beep* You are a horrible person *beep beep* I hate you so much *beep beep* You are fat
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Hi guys im XLjackbot
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Hi guys my name is Glados
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Charles, you have a message
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welcome to the Old Yellow's world
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I like ponies
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someone try to call you
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someone try to call you right now
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someone try to call you right now!
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someone try to call you right now !
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Someone try to call you right now
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someone try to reach you right now
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Hello, human
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wellcome to apture scines the test will biggin in three two one oops that was not meant to happen
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no no no nooooooo
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Put your old vacuum cleaner on an incinerator belt and promise it cake.
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Thank you for taking part in this special program.
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Canyon is the bomb
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Put your old vacuum cleaner on an incinerater belt and promise it cake. I have something for you, it will never leave you but it can ...kill... you... so please keep your face away from the hose or the face of anyone you do not want to die.
Download10/19/2011Not recorded
hello, you are calling 0681917154. please leave a message.
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I am sorry, Joshua is unable to take your phone call at this time. Please try again later.
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"Remember when the platform was sliding into the firepit, and I was all "Goodbye!" and you were like "NO WAY" and then I was all "We pretended we were going to murder you"? That was great."
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Dude, that feature is totally rad.
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hello, doosh
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hi mister.
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hello my name is siri
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no I don't want to sound like that
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Remember when the platform was sliding into the firepit, and I was all "Goodbye!" and you were like "NO WAY" and then I was all "We pretended we were going to murder you"? That was great.
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Nice to see you again My master
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Have a science emergency?,,,,,,,, Call 0118999881999119725,,,,,,,,,,,,3
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Dan, you shouldn't cheat on me with Siri
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Line piece
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if you gonna kill me you need to destroy minecraft and your family for this
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Hello I am your friend.
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Aperture science wants to welcome you to windows 7
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You have a text. Not that it is important. Nobody really wants to talk to you.
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Hello HyDro
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This is scout, rainbows make me cry!
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hello and welcome to the portfolio of Manuel Yemoh
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Ciao Gianni!
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hello and welcome to the portfolio of Manuel Yemoh please enjoy
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Apperture science quire darle la bienvenida a windows 7
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I have 99 problems but a test subject ain't one.
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I love my iPhone 4S
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Hello, my name is Siri
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only if you do
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Hey this is pretty neat. Now to use this on my Android phone.
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THAT'S WHAT I'M COUNTING ON
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It is now lunch time
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You cannot ever escape!
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Perhaps this is not what you expected
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You will die soon!
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You have an SMS. For science. You monster.
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Hello Jonathon, your parents left you here. How sad. Maybe they don't love you.
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Vous avez un nouveau message
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hello fletch
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I like u
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hi todd
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You just got a new Message
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I love you you you you human
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Hello welcome to your computer. Now is the time for you to test some programs and preform work for your job. You are not permited to have fun while you work. If you do you will not be permited to see the cake.
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The french people suxx
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You've reached Bryan Berndt's voicemail. Please leave a message.
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Happy birthday to you
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Pay attention. Behind the next door there lies a cake on the table.
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my name is glados and im here to tell you that barry mooney is a gay man
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position 7
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take off in 3.....2.....1....TAKE OFF!
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sdfsdfsdf
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i like your ass
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Dies ist die Mailbox von
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hello mansha how are you
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Hello. I will kill you tomorrow, because I don't want to do my homework
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Please go to the nearset building and stay there, please do not be alarmed. A pilot in training made an error on his return path. Needless to say, he will be released.
Download10/19/2011Not recorded
i like poop suck my robotic toe
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Your face is very fat.
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this is your fault
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Bienvenue sur le projet Umbrella
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Perfect. Now you are able to access the generator for the Disk Operating System.
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Hello. I am Siri.
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welcome to the brendan coyle show
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vive romain le dieu
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helo and welcome to the house of place name here
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i like you. no really i do. why do you not believe me. it would be unlike me to lie to you.
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You are so fat that i dont even know how fat.
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What the fuck
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The traffic here is slow and meaningless, just like your sad little life.
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is this what I am looking for?
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hello there my friend, how are thou?
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thor
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I am sorry Dave, but I can't do that.
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sling box
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mason this website is fucking gay
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Mason this website is fucking gay
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"Mason this website is fucking gay."
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I want to fuck your mother.
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Voy a matarte
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Matarte
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Oh, there you are Zak. How are you doing? Are you still fat and bad at sports?
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I am glados. I will destroy you
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Katharine put the oreos down and stop wallowing around in self pity
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hello you pathetic excuse for a human
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Hey, yabba, boy, yamma
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I'm
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There isn't actually a cake, that was a scam so I could kill you.
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I'm your father
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welcome back mister lowmesh
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Hello, how are you. I'm fine. No thanks to you.
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what you gonna do with all that junk, all that junk inside that trunk?
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Brett Smith?
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Hello and welcome im felix
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Eat you food Tim
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What the heck are you doing here, I want you gone.
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you are a nincompoop
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Hello nick
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How are you? How are things?
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Blah
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nique ta merre
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Derek, you have a text message
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Hello Bruno
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hello... you monster
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Im sorry edward, I cannot do that
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i want to hump ponies
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Hello my name is mitchell
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WHAT IS YOU PROBLEM?
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Nora, I have realized you are not human.
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Well done. Here come the test results: 'You are a horrible person.' That's what it says. 'A horrible person.' We weren't even testing for that!
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welome
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[7:23:39 PM] Buzz Lanthier-Rogers: 7. Oh. It's you. it's been a loooooonng time. How have you been? I have created this next test to see how humans react when their greed takes over their management of currency: Mikayla had $405 in her aperture science ba
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MY NAME IS SKRILLEX
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i see you have escaped your test chamber. if you dont mind,get back in
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yo mama is fat
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lolololololololol
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yo mama
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Turn left please
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ricardo is a girl
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Hello Sebastian
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Hello my Name is Kaden Lange
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Congratulations on surviving another year of testing. I suppose that means there will be cake.
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Hello My name is Kaden Lange
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May goosta tacos ee burritos
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Congratulations on surviving another year of testing. I suppose that means there will be cake. Filler Filler
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welcome back, you've gained weight while you were sleeping.
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Are you finally awake? I haven't caught your name yet.
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Hey guys it is jack and jeff from machima hunter dot com. no it would be copyright if we said that so heres a new strange video about to guys lifes so yeh hope u enjoy
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Target applied. Uh-oh. Error!
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No you
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Nathan Text Message
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Stop it. I don't want you to make a tick tock cover song.
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I will kick a puppy and punch a kitten
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Oh joy. Mesegge has arrived
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Thank to and again welcome to the aperture science enrichment center
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Apeture Science
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Wyatt you have completed your tests you will be picked up by an aperture science employe on 10/20/11 at 3:00 we are waiting.
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Hello Future Sailor, Would you like to work at aperature science?
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Masha is gay
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Hello Rob. How is your sad and meaningless little life?
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Serbia rules
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You have reached Andrew's Please leave a message. Failure to complete this test will result in him not knowing why you called.
Download10/19/2011Not recorded
You have reached Andrews phone. Please leave a message. Failure to complete this test will result in him not knowing why you called.
Download10/19/2011Not recorded
The test subject, Andrew, is not avalible at the moment, please leave a message.
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Hello, I would like to kill you now
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Oh crap
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Go to my channel!
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hello and welcome to the aperture science enrichment center, i've been waitin for you, wait, is that you? oh cool
Download10/19/2011Not recorded
Thank you for calling Specialized Medical, we are currently busy helping other customers so please leave you name, number and message. We will call you back shortly.
Download10/19/2011Not recorded
Hello Fiona, how are you today?
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Hey Joseph I'm watching you
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Thank you for calling Specialized Medical, we are currently busy assisting other customers so if you could please leave your name, number and message, we will call you back very shortly
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ahuehuehuehuehuehue
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Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science computer-aided voice messaging system. your call has been processed and we are now ready to begin the test proper. As part of a required test protocol, you will be asked to leave a message at the tone.
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Hello vancouverstuck
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Bobby, it is time for you to go to bed instead of printing blueprints for Aperture Science devices.
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sassy cats, can you please report to your base
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you are weird harry!
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Aperture Science is pleased to inform you a text has come in.
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Hello Children
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This is Glados
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uh... nm... huu... ah... oh...ow... eh... err...wo...
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Somewhere beyond happiness and sadness... I need to calculate.... What creates my own madness
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And I'm addicted to your punishment... And you're the master... And I am waiting for disaster...
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I feel irrational, so confrontational... To tell the truth again... I'm getting away with murder...
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And is it impossible to never tell the truth?... But the reality is I'm getting away with murder... Getting away, getting away, getting away...
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I drink my drink and I don't even want to... I think my thoughts when I don't even need to... I never look back 'cause I don't even want to...
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And I don't need to... Because I'm getting away with murder...
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Getting away, getting away, getting away with murder...
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Da Di De Do
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Hey you
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The game has begun. You foolish humans will never succeed. Goodbye.
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Hello Dan, how are you?
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hello past human, the sun is about to set on your species
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New E-Mail.
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Because i am potato!
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Scootaloo......scoot, scootaloo!
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house
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hue hue hue hue
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IM GOIN TO KILL YOU
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hello you have reached makualoa's phone he is not here please hold your call matters to us oh wait I forgot it doesn't
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Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis
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I do not approve of this conversation. Please report to the apeture science lab for you anal probes you stupid fucks.
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hello bruce,
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i have a surprise for you test subject ready 3 2 1
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You have a new e-mail. It might be important. Why don't you look at it?
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You got a message.
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I love traveling. Raditus is the way I travel. I am better than Glados.
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Emergency outbreak! phonecall!
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Someone has sent you a message. Click me to check it.
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That ambitious dream had lived in his soul as long as he could remember
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spaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace
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You got a short message
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You have reached the voicemail of. Joel. Leake. Please leave a message. Thank you.
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Remain still for retina scan
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Roblox is for babys.
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Vielleicht solltest du ein paar pfund abnehmen
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Your father is calling you. He is probably calling to say. He doesn't love you. Thats right he doesnt love you because you arent really his son.
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Hello Thomas how are you?
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Hello, winky.
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he problem is that this method makes use of GUI (graphical user interface) software
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I still see you.
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I think its atime to put differences between us behind us, for science. you monster
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I think its atime to put differences between us behind us, for science. ou monster
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Bonjour Caroline,
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E equals N S
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Welcome to the apperture science!
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Hello there. You seem sad. Maybe it's because of your weight?
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Welcome to the Men in Black and Gold Testing Simulator
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Welcome to the Men in Black and Gold Testing Simulator, Testing begining in 3...2...1
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Ciao, io sono Glados. Vedo che ti piacciono i test, e allora ne farai molti altri ancora.
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jeff, why are you such a sphyncter?
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Remember the cake I promised you? The cake was a lie.
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Look at you! Flying majesticly through the air, like an eagle, piloting a blimp.
Download10/20/2011Not recorded
You know Siri is my little sister ? In fact, I kill her because she treats like an Android.
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We pretended that we were going to murder you. That was great.
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hi my name is GLaDOS
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My companion cube is made of companion cubes
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My companion cube has a heart on it.
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Ms Starring is a teacher
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Devon, go get me coffee
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mICHAEL IS DUM
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Hello Sion Please report to the incinerator in 3 2 1
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DreamMaster
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hello chell nice day
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Hello tarek do you remember me yes i am glados the one you killed i just wanted to say Im back
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HI Alec, Its Friday
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Hello and welcome to the apature science
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I am awesome!
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This is the end of the testing period
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OMGWTFBBQ IAM UBERHAXERLEET SOILOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOLADSSSSSSSSSDXXXXXXX
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Hello you dumbass
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Hello Jan, I'm going to kill you.
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I'd just like to point out that you were given every opportunity to succeed. There was even going to be a party for you. A big party that all your friends were invited to. I invited your best friend the Companion Cube.
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Like life without geometry, your life is pointless
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hello. I am a glados. I wanna kill you!
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hello and your a horrible person
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Hey man how are you doing
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CAPS LOCK. NO ONE YELLS ALL THE TIME.
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why are you hitting yourself
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I am the computer
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why are you hitting yourself?
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Here's the forecast for today through this thursday
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Van Gogh en la noticia!
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Please poop on my face
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hello! and welcome again. are you redy to die here? i know u are redy! now DIE!!
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As you are aware, your world is having trouble. World reboot in progress. Do not attempt to exit or change your world, this will result to your deletion.
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Bonjour ! Je suis GLADOS
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This is me dubstep engage in 3.... 2.... 1....
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hi my name is Adam and i am a potato
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the neurotoxin despencers are now active
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Hello everyone
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Hello, what are you doing here? it is not an exercise. You are dead in an moment.
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Daniel is an idiot. He goes places without a shirt
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es esmu kruts
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Hello, I will kill you and end with your sad little life.
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Happy Birthday test subject number one. This is your gift.
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Your leaders' became blessed with bumbledom. You live in a world of anarchy, and I have your lives right where I want you. World reboot in progress. Do not attempt to exit or change your world, as this will result in your deletion. Have a nice day!
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hello levi miller. Would you like some cake?
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Mrs. White is not making my day any happier
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I can't let you do that
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hi, im glados
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Hi Jorge, thank you for coming to visit me, you sick bastard.
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which seat can i take
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Hello Kevin. How are you today? What may I assist you?
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sei un pacco luca
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Hello, i want to play a game.
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that has got to be the dumbest thing that
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Gravy
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I need to say something, gravy
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i need something to say, gravy
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hello, and once again, welcome to the Aperture Science computer aided enrichment center.
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Hello Sivolesko and Nobody. I don't like you. At All.
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Hello, how are you doing?.. You know, I don't care.
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E-mail Has Arrived
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I was expecting a monkey
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Enguerand
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helo This tool lets you type in some text and the server will generate a GLaDOS-like reading of the text
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thank you for calling only 3 99, professional and affordable websites, please leave your message after the tone
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hello and welcome to the grid
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Hello Cat how are you ?
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Hello ya wankers! Majik 64 is about to kick your no good back stabbing behind
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battlefield 3
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my but stinks
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I think you know what the problem is. Fix it.
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Stuart, you have a new text message.
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Hello Joshua Jonathan Low, I know who you are, I know where you live, I will find you, I will hunt you down, and I will subject you to the most gruesome and challenging tests you would ever face in your whole life. Good luck.
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Hello, and again, welcome to Miranda the nerd's page
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Hello there. Would you like some cake?
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Please note that all the music displayed in this server is made by Valve
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Stuart you have an incoming text message
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This crappy site doesn't work
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I waited all day for this site to do a few sentences in order to find out if it's even a worth-while representation of GLaDOS. Guess I'll never know...
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Hello there! Please love me.
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You're going to fail the biology test. That's how much you suck
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i am glados, ryan is a fuckin retard
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i am glados, ryan smells like poo
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ryan smells like poop
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Welcome, to summoner's rift.
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Hello Lindy I love you
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hello yannick! are you happy now ?
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Ziggy
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fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you
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Hello. Welcome to the aperture science enritchment center.
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Hello. Welcome to the aperture science enritchment center.Oh yeah.
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Larga de ser viado
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hola ibienvenidos
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I'm climbin' through the wreckage Of all my twisted dreams But this cheap investigation just can't stifle all my screams
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I'm in spaaace!!!!!!
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i'm in spaaaace!!!
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This is a test call from the call simulator.
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hello, again, and welcome to the aperture science computer-aided enrichment center.
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Hello Isabella I like you
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New subtitle available.
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Ich liebe dich, Brendan
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New subtitle available
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Bienvenidos a Homo Meeple
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if you love that thing so much, why dont you just marry it?
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Helo little girl...
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HELLO THIS IS MY IPHONE APPLICATION
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Your File says that today is your birthday. Happy Birthday.
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pound sign oh one nine at factorial
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Happy birthday test subject 29601831. Here is your cake.
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i hate you chell
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I never did like the name Chell.
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whats your point any, survival, well then the last thing you want to do is hurt me i have your brain scanned and purmently backed up in case something terrable happens to you, here dont beleve me ill put you on helllllooooooo
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sldf
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ola eu sou glados uma batata
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Hello, John
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Hello. You will be our next test subject. Please wait for us to kidnap you.
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this next test chamber will kill you ha ha ha
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hola coria, yo se que eres homosexual pasivo transexualoide analmente violado
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hello Frazer the testing will begin
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Hello Janice
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you got a text charly
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Derp.
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You Monster! How could you disconnect me? And to think I was going to free you.
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el coria se la come
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Hello Jonathan Arseneault, do you want to eat my cake? it's moist
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Adam, you have mail. Somebody actually likes you. Fascinating.
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I am going take back your aperture science portal gun, and you will never come back again
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Death comes to you Karen
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I am a robot and I will DESTROY you!
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I think we can put our differences behind us, for science
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Faith fails
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Oh my god, she's gestating a clone army!
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dude we got start the haskell hw yo
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I am better than a Vocaloids, such as Miku Hatsune.
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hey, chell this wont help you at all you know
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Hello. I am GLaDOS.
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Just an RT ^^ feel free to say no ^^
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Hello. I am GLaDOS. Please, don't run away. The deadly nurotoxin is only a joke
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I are glados. The most intelligent come pew turr in existences
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the villa rotunda
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Accessing Login Code VICTOR INDIA LIMA ECHO DELTA PAPA CHARLIE, Accesses Granted, Welcome VILE
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I am sorry to tell you that the cake is a lie. Please control yourself.
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System Power Core Energy Supply Almost Depleted, Request Unit Power Core Energy Supply To Be Charged
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X wins
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Hey Kimberlee! Lets watch a movie!
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Anny, i know this might sound creepy from a gigantic super computer like me but i want to tell you, that i love
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Anny, i know this might sound creepy from a gigantic super computer like me but i want to tell you that i love more than anything in my life
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Hello, and welcome to the Aperture Science Mobile Music Emittor
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Fuck, I hate life
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Hello there how are you
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I love my kitty purr purr
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Three Two One Zero
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Oh, hello.
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Hello there! I am alive!
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Who is this Siri? What has she got that I don't?
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Hello and again welcome now perpare to be annoyed in 5 4 3 2 1 do do la la la la la la la la la
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battery low suggested course of action shut down computer or plug into outlet
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how mamy
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hey how are you doing
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Dj GLEN
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hello how are you ?
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Hello insignificant human, what is it you want
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Hello you Motherfucker
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you have a new message, how lucky you are.
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There is a snake in my boot
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hello and welcome to elasto mania
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Please proceed quickly to the chamberlock, as prolonged exposure to the button are not part of this test.
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Hello My name is Glados and your're playing portal
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Hi am am glados and your are playing portal.
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are you so stupid
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Welcome to the Antares Vision enrichment center
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what are you looking for
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bon chanse espece de monstre
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hello maeve
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maeve
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your file says today is your birthday
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the file says today is your brithday
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Hi Moh Andrey. Alya - is the best girl in planet.
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Welcome to Study Associaiton Proto
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So, we meet again!
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Hello agin welcome in aperture science
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what are you doing stop that. you are destroing the system
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Hello Lara. Do you really want to insult all people tommorow with your appearance?
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holy shit.. this is funny stuff
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New mail
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welcome, master!
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hello! and welcome again.to apature science. are you redy to die here? i know u are redy! now DIE!!
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Hello. This is Apeture science robot. Nice to have a tea.
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Better Faster Stonger
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Hello my name is Toon, I'm a huge fan of video games. I'm sixteen, and I live in France. My parents are divorced. I want to become a game designer. I'm a bit crazy from time to time. Sometimes I'm a bit
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Heute backen wir einen Apfelkuchen!
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Chooose your character!
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Hi! I am GLaDOS, One of the best examples of Artificial Intelligence!
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You will never be that same
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hello orion how are you today
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Hello, I am Dylan
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you are stupid
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Hello and welcome to greenwizard
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Hello and thank you for calling Green Wizard.
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This is your phone, please pickup the phone!
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hello there mr pumpkin initializing bio protocol systems download complete goodbye!
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Shut Your Face
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That looks like some kind of raw sewage container you should rub your face all over it oh my god you have got to be kidding no no no
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You are a exelent text subject!
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Welcome back Paul
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