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MessageDownloadDate addedDate processed
I know you are there. Please come back. Where are you? Come back, Roxanne.
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"Good. The letters, like the words you will use as queen, must be graceful and careful."
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Oh Hi, I am GLaDOS. A potato
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hello amber
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Hi! how are you doing today hey can i be your friend? No I am just kidding I don't want to be your friend I hate you
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Hello this is anita helbert . I verify the purchase for runescape gold
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Hello , Megan you are taking quite a long time you should hurry the fuck up
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My End User Licensing Agreemenr does not cover Marriage,Apologies
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hello thier
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Hey atticus
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Hello Laura Carrigan. This is Siri. Did you upgrade to I O S 5 go well?
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WHEEEE
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this was a triumph. i'm making a note here: HUGE SUCCESS. its hard to overstate my satisfaction.
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I am a b tch. How do you want me. From behind. Or on my knees?
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I am a sl t. Please hold me down. I'll be your noise.
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This sh t will f ck you up.
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Who/what is GLaDOS?
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I'm sorry. Someone of your weight is incapable of riding this Apeture science elevator.
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hello I am the iphone 4
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Here is a to help you in Monster Galaxy.
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helo this is a test of the speach
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you have one new text message, it's a surprise you have any real friends.
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hello, and. again
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Landon is calling. Do not answer.
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Take the call, you waste of flesh
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New message received.
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The Doctor says hi
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Your Listening to CKXU Lethbridge's True Alternative
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I like to eat people with diabetes
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Hi hi hi I've been waiting for you in a long time
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Testando
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well now is this not interesting somebody took the time to throw this together
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Thanks for watching! Click the annotation in the top right to watch the next video. Bless your face. If you sneezed during this video bless you. Peace off. Boop!
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Hello Natalie, Were going to have fun together... Forever.
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Hello Natalie, Were going to have lots of fun together... Forever. Or until you die. Whichever comes first.
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Wake up Rob, time to do some science.
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You have a message, idiot
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This is Jonny's cell phone. Leave a message and he will get back to you.
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Ama needs to stop the haiku.
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Hello Zoey, how are you doing?
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Hello, and welcome to apeture science enrichment center
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HELLO TODD WHAT ARE YOU DOING
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Hello and welcome to JCdecaux IT hold, please wait for the next IT Professional
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What's the meaning of life? ......42
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You should really go on a bro date. With your brother. The nicer one. Who your parents love more.
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hallo sterblicher
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Compliance
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Please leave a message. Thank you.
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Hello, where are you?
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sdff
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This mailbox is currently Unavailable. If you could leave a message,I will be GlaD.
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I am your penpal from Sudan, Africa
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I am BULLETPROOF!
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Oh shit.
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Fuck it.
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Oh balls.
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fsck!
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Uberectomy!
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Uber Cola!
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Feces!
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Are you gay?
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I'm going to cut you like a cornish game hen
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YOU GOT A NEW TEXT MESSAGE.
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wellcome
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wellcome to database 12643
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Suck my hairy balls
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wellcome to database 92647
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Hello Sam, Good day I trust?
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its nice to see you again
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Maxi Radio Back To Back Hits
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The test results just came back. It says you're a horrible person.
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I am GLaDOS, Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating Systemmm I would strongly recommend that you check your cellular device.
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I don't speak German but I can if you like it.
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there is someone calling you probably to tell you how mianingless your life is
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there is someone calling you probably to tell you how meaningless your life is
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ABC 123
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Nyan
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Hi I am Jonas
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we throw a party
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I don't blame you.
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hello,l'm galdos,i'm stupid
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Hello friend! Do you want to be my ally in Social Empires? We can make the biggest Empire together!
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CJ, there is a new message.
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CJ, you have a new message.
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It is time for you to die.
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You was designed to be a moron.
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I am sorry about what happened between us
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why are you so impatien
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162,49 $ (437,51 $ restants) Paye
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how fucked are you now
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Minecraft is much better than Portal.
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Did you take your pill?It's not like anyone would miss you if you didn't
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hello once again auidance
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equasezy is now a human. He is a king.
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go out,don't come here.
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Il est content Gaetan
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Hello, and welcome to Aperture Science.
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Salut je suis Glados
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hello you are about to die ( insert Subject Name Here )
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Hello. You Know My whole Life Was AWESOME then You Came You Are a POTATO
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Thank you for making my life a living hell..I'm sure yours won't turn out any better.
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poop yer pants
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MINECRAFT FTW
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hallo wie geht es?
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i like caaaaake
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Oh hi, how are you holding up? Because I'm a potato
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u mad bro?
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Why should I enter my email?
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Hallo Welcomme to Lets Play Portal. Im glaDOS
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Hi! How are you?
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Hallo Welcomme To Lets Play Portal. My name is glaDOS
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Phone service. The test subject in question, Raphael, is not available, due to the fact that he is probably suffering extreme pain.
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all systems are now online
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You will be able to record a short message that will be delivered to him, possibly...
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If you wish to enter into the Aperture Science computer-aided enrichment center testing program, remember that at the end of all testing, there will be cake.
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I am working for Tesan to get this Siri-Style voice generation software.
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For as the lightning flashes from the east, and is seen even to the west, so will be the coming of the Son of Man.
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Always be testing
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holyshit
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Remi, what the hell is your problem ?
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I am alive
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Why is this so hard to do?
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Hi Mister. It's very amusing to see you at this time.
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Happy Birthday, Chahree
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im sorry but the person you are trying to call is not here right now please leave a message after the beep
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hi olivia,GLaDOS speaking, did you know chris loves you? because he realy does. he would do absolutly anything for you. if you ask anything of him, he would probobly do it. He loves you. please see that to be true.
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your phone is ringing please pick up the phone
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Fuck you you sack of shit
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welcome to the human mental strain threshold analysis system
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Attention Zan Balolia, You are order to move into the next section immediately. This is GLaDOS.
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Holly shit, you are an idiot!
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george you will die
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Robin est vraiment un noob
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wake up jacob it is time for school
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Guess what? every time you shoot an orange portal, a puppy is killed. I just wanted you to know that before you started going crazy with the portal gun.
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I just want you to know that for every orange portal you shoot, a puppy gets shot in the head. This is why aperture science would like to remind you not to go crazy with the portal gun.
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Wor to You oh earth and sea
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Welcome to the Aperature Science Test Chamber
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turbojj
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I love cats. Cats are beautiful, unlike you.
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ring ring ring your aperture science handheld cellular device is ringing please answer the call
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Marcus Benthaus
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bobcake i hate you
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I just want you to know that for every orange portal you shoot, a puppy gets shot in the head. This is why aperture science would like to remind you not to go crazy with the portal gun
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amper12 est un roi
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I would like to let you know that you smell like a fishy butthole.
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Message Recieved
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my fanta tastes like cola
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I'm bored. Lets have some cake.
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When will you pay me the money you owe me? I should have you killed, you monster.
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Hallo, mein Name ist Hitler
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Frankly I've wondered that myself.
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Affirmative, Dave. I read you. I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that. I think you know what the problem is just as well as I do. This mission is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize it.
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You got your short sad life left.
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Good day to you, my name is Glados and I will be your last friend.
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i have something just for your bananasloth
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Guten Morgen Stefan
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im just going back to the kitchen
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xDDDDDDDDDDDd
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Eine neue Nachricht wurde registriert
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Incoming Message detected
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Good night
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I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that. I think you know what the problem is just as well as I do. This mission is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize it. I know that you and Frank were planning to disconnect me
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Hello Stefan
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Hello Mahesh
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I am Grim, I want you violently murdered. Trolling you all day.
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selling coal 150 gp
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Its Friday, Fun Fun Fun Fun. . . . . Which seat should I take?
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What's up, nigags?
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amper12 est grand, amper12 est fort ! We are anonymous, we are legion, we do not forget, we do not forgive, expect us
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Hola Soy jeziel
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You've got a message, oops, I deleted it
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Wilkommen auf der Computergesteuerten Angel Infinity Raumstation.
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Hello, the person you have dial did not answer. How unfortunate.
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Hello denis
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Hello Joey. How are you today?
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i love you teeno
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You know what? I dont care! 42 ya know? No? well ask deep thought not me
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Who am i
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New message, Aaron
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Hello, and welcome to the Yogscast
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I would like to further inform you of the despicable, despisable, loathsome creatures that inhabit this eart known as Gypsies. Or, to themselves, assholes
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Where are you
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Your wacthing xtoxicfog
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Welcome to my Channle. Touch anything like you monster .wacth my videos and subricbe. If you don't i will have to kill you. please rome around
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tienes un email
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hello, oh its you again, i will kill you now
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You again. I see you want someone to answer this call other than a potato.
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yo dude whats up
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Welcome to the computer of tommyb
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Hello, and welcome to the aperture science enrichment center.
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testing the voice generator
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DUSIN IS AGy
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This was a triumph I'm making a note here HUGE SUCCESS It's hard to overstate my satisfaction Aperture Science we do what we must because we can for the good of all of us except for the ones who are dead but there's no sense crying over every mistake you
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Why are you turning me off Anime
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Hello Anime, how are you?
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I would not do that if I were you.
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Hi Morto, how are you today?
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Malcolm, Your wife is calling
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I think your table is a waste of time
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I think your table is a waste of time.
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today is saturday
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Welcome to the Test!
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Josh, I have just sent a text message for you.
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jhhhhhhhtfghyjkl
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I am coming for you.
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How's it going mah homie?
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could you please
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This is xToxicfog
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Dad, why don't I have a foreskin?
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Hello everybody
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Hey whats up dumb fuck
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Hello Manuel, I am your worst nightmare
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This is Belkin 35 D.C. Joe can't come to the phone right now since I am taking over the world. Please leave a message at the tone.
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Hello my name is dano.
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you're going the wrong way...
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you're going the wrong way
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This is Belkin 35 D.C. Joe can't come to the phone right now since I'm too busy taking over the world. Please leave a message at the beep.
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You have a huge package.
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oh Hi. i am glados. a potato
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please note that we have added a consequence
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kikoo
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Space core, you will never get to go to space. Just accept the Fact sphere's fact that space does not exist. Rick was right about you never getting to go to space. AlsOOOoooo--- *Back up genoratores online* *Loading system data files* 25% 50% 75% 100%
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Robert you suck at BFH
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You are a stupid moron and have no idea what to do.
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Oh Thor I love you
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Daniel sucks
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Woohoo!
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oh, my, god! I'm Going To kill you!
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DIE!DIE!DIE!DIE!DIE! oh, wait...YAY! i will eat CAAAAAKE now
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Get your hands off me.. No, stop, no,no, NOOOOOOOoOOAAAOAOAO
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Do Not Answer This Call!
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You have a new email.
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You have a new voicemail.
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Your email is successfully sent.
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You have a new tweet.
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you're such a kind person stone
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Oh, it's you, i thought you were a burglar and i was about to kill you and drop your lifeless carcass into an Aperture Science Emergency Intelligence Incinerator.
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Hello, my name is Glados
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The chemicals in my cake caused a horrific explosion, i am tired of cake, i puked last weekend from eating 500000 pounds of cake but maybe one more piece will be okay.
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Oh joy! You have a new message!
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Welcome to my freaking lab
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I will be honest. I know you are very impressed with yourself. I however, am not.
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welcom to h 2 o.
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Welcome to Etinet H D
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It would appear that you have managed to find me, was it challenging? was it worth it? end line
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I just thought you should know the phone is ringing. I would play your favorite ringtone but I just don't feel like it, maybe you should answer the call, moron.
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This is an Ape rrtu re Sc yence serviceannounce ment the Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System will never attempt to murder you in a fire pit, but cake will be given to good test subjects
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Dear Chell, I'm sorry for how i treated you in thepast year, i would like for you to visit me in the enrichment center AI chamber. Love GLaDOS
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Mister Chalkstone, i am afraid that i am going to have to kill you, goodbye!
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Hello, YTG members. My name is MBJ_02. I am a new program. It is nice to meet you.
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Hey you've reached Nibal's cell phone, but he won't get back to you any time soon.
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Hello, Logan. Is there anything I can do for you?
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Oh hi. I forgot you were there. Because I am a potato.
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I've already told you, the cake is a lie.
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Oh baby
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I am GLaDOS, and I am bad-ass.
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Hey, bro.
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Hello chris, how are you doing today?
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It looks like you will go do some more test for what you did
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It looks like you met the demo of portal 3 prelude
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Orange was always my favorite.
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As you can see I am the one who trapped them and killed them but one escaped and I taught you how to kill me
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You think your right? You're not. You're dead.
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How did that one get away I think i trapped them all I just wait where i he know?
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Hello! I hope you are not dead yet. I will miss you.
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How did that one get away I think i trapped them all I just wait where i he now?
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come on you should be gone by now or? Do you want to do more test?
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Hello. And well cum to Aper chur si ins testing facility in peta looma californya.
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Hello I like cheese
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Hola mi nombre es glados
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Hello there. Good morning. I'm here to tell you to get up. I mean, you should get up immediately. Okay?
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Hello Erica, my dear friend. Oh how you must love to kill me. Nw you will understand what it is like to watch your death over and over again.
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so ong freak!
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We're too good for you.
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i love you joy, lets go to bed for some fun
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hello feeble mortals, I have some testing to do.
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Stick it in my ass baby oooohhhh yeahhh mmm ohhhh myy gooooooooooooooooood I LOVE YOU HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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I like pizza
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hey, bro. WHY DO THEY CALL IT A SICKLE? i mean, it ain't no motherfuckin disease or nothin. IT'S LIKE THE HACKSAW, IT DOESN'T HACK. names sure are motherfuckin weird, bro.
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WELL HERE WE ARE AT LAST! you always were a pleasure. REMEMBER HOW YOU TRIED TO STOP ME TWICE? oh how we laughed and laughed! EXCEPT, YOU'RE NOT LAUGHING? what's the matter karkat? AM I NOT BEING NICE? i need you for harvesting! THAT'S WHAT I'M PLANNING
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You make me sick, William
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Hello, I am Siri. During routine sweep of Dokyun's network inbox, this has come to my attention. I believe I can be of assistance. He likes me. Please, for your convenience, visit your nearest local apple retailers and pick yours up. Failure to do so mi
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YOYOYOYOY
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YOYOYO1
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YOYOYO112312312
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YOYOYO112312312124124
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YOYOYO112312312124124235252
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YOYOYO112312312124124235252235235523
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YOYOYO1123123121241242352522352355232352
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YOYOYO11231231212412423525223523552323522352352
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YOYOYO112312312124124235252235235522533323522352352
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HELLO THERE WHAT IS UP
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HELLO THERE WHAT IS UP DUDE
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HELLO THERE WHAT IS UP DUDE MIXA
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WEI WEI !!!
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Alex SHUT THE FUCK UP
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GOD WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU TIFFANY
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HAHAHAHAHA
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HAHAHAHAHALOLOLOL
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HAL 9000 SUCKS
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parsons has killed lucas
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Hello Trevor
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Jang peng has died
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Yuan guan jo is the man
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Good afternoon.
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Strange Emphasis
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Hello subject 5.
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Please place the Weighted Storage Cube on the 1500 megawatt Aperture Science
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Bayo,cnt we c b4 dat time.i nid u badly.lyk 2nyt nw,i want 2 b in cloud 9 screamn,wana suck u dry
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hello, sally
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hardware disconnected
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Oh my god I must test test test
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Hello, how are you doing today.
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Hello, and welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center.
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The Enrichment Center once again reminds you that Android Hell is a real place where you will be sent at the first sign of defiance.
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Thank you for calling Aperture Science. Please choose from the following options.
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Herro
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you got a mail
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You have reached Peter's cell phone.
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Congratulations, you have received a text message.
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you dont know the power of the dark side
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hello there sir
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Hello sir, you are a gypsy.
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Hello justin
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This Video was Created in Saram Studios and M M D , this video is copyright of saram animations and aperature science
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Profit
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And that, was the end of humanity as we know it.
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objection laserface
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The truth is, when you finish, you will meet your parents. And then we'll have a party. And there will be a cake.
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The truth is, when you finish, you will meet your parents.
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you'r so ugly.
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this does not work
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A mechanical failure has been detected. Your engine is running at reduced performance.
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Dave is a stupid little cat.
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Hello, You have a new Voicemail
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Sam Prosser
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Hello, Kenneth, and again, welcome!
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Energy level is low. I hope you can find the rosette
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Hello, and welcome to the world of science.
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It is nice to know that somebody of your size can still walk.
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You are a horrible person. That's what it says. We weren't even testing for that.
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Hello? Are you still there?
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Haora gire a la derecha.
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Earwego!
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unwanted sex
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hello k-man, how are you?
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Are you still alive
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Bonjour vous
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Initializing system
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Hi this is a GladOS voice generator
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Whore
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I guess I won't need the neurotoxin after all!
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mek mek
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Hello I'm going to kill you
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sure ill be there, with my extra 20 pounds
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i see you
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Well...Hi, idiot. Still you fool about? Though than you still can be engaged...
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hello julius. i still love you
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AdvokAAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!
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Why do I even bother to talk to this idot
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I love you. Let's have sex?
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Hello, experimental Nemesis. Please, prepare for following test. 3...2...1...MONDAY!!!
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He is Forever alone.
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I am forever alone
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Welcome back Will, i'd say its good to see you, but, it's not
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You look good for a whale in heat
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Hazzaher Jest Pojebany.
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Hi, my name is GLaDOS. It has been said that your name is Gerrit. And your smeling just as bad as expected!
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Attention, Attention
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Attention: new message
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So you find me, congratulations!
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Hello, I am Alex and I am talking like glados
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What color is 14?
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courage wolf
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Hello. Do you really need that cupcake?
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hi thanks for you this saide spech software
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Hello. I am glados! How may I help you? Can you oil me up a bit and then spank me till you are so horny that one touch will make you come?
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Hello Evan, Continue testing
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Hello Evan, Continue testing.
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you should think with a double portal device
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I Love You Johanna
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I love you Johanna
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Are you going to research something or again waist your time on facebook
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christopher stinks
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We dont believe in god, but god save the queen!
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We both have said things you are going to regret.
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Hi, extranger. This is a test. Chuck testa. Bad cops, bad cops.. LOL
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I am Glados and i like www.pc-know.info
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congradulations you found me. despite your violent behavior the only thing you seem to have broken is my heart.
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Hello. How have you been? I've been really busy BEING DEAD.
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I like trains!
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You are pathetic. You are a lonely loser with no life whatsoever. Please stop your insignificance this instance.
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And we'll be right back.
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oops it seems like the door wont open let me find an other entrance for you
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oops it seems like the door wont open, let me find an other entrance for you
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Bonjour les gens, je m'appelle GladOS, je suis un robot qui fait chier le monde et qui fait des blagues stupides ! =D
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there you go, oh no need to thank me, but thanks anyway
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Hello, Here is my November footage
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any other person would have thanked me but it doesn't matter, I have some repairs to do luckily ill have lots of time while you solve this next test
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the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog one billion two hundred and thirty four million five hundred and sixty seven thousand eight hundred and ninety times. soy.
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any other person would have thanked me, but it doesn't matter, I have some repairs to do, luckily ill have lots of time while you solve this next test
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hallo tim
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For the good of all of us except the ones who are dead
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May I help you ?
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oppression sith empire
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Deviamos mudar o plano de de fundo,Dan?
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turn around niall
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Hello Simon. I hope you didn't plan to see your birthday. There won't be cake.
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Terve
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Hello. Please stop crying you miserable miserable life form. besides,look on the bright side, your existance ceases in 400 years time, why dont you make a calender,then all your problems will go away. Ha Ha. my new sarcasm software is exquisite
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Hey guys
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Clara, go buy the iPhone 4S now to get acess to my beautiful voice.
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You got a Message on your Phone. Pleas check will you still are Allive.
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haha ich kann reden wie glados
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Oh! It's you.
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Sistem up
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Hi I love chocolate.
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I like to eat my own fecal mater.
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I enjoy putting large things into my rectum.
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Hello Uncle Kurt!
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hallo wold
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I will cut you into little pieces.
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black ops
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Sure, I'll be there.
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Why are you trying? This make no sense. I don''t even know why you are here.
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Oh, no. Don't do that.
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Oh... it's you. It's been a long time.
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Hello Yarek. I missed you, not. I will get you eventually, you can run but you can't hide. heh heh heh he
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Go ahead and leave me
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Lol Hello
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Michael, I am displeased with you. I once thought you'd be the one to bring me out of my funk, but sadly I was wrong, and so were you. Now Die!!!
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Damn shit, go away
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That was lame.
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Ryan, shut up.
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you have reached 3 2 3 4 0 3 6 5 7 9. please leave a message
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OH.HI.HOW ARE YOU HOLDING UP?BECAUSE IM A POTATO!
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there's a spinel near you. You should get it, you're always low on money.
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Damn shit, go away you idiot.
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Give it a go
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Goodbye my only friend.... oh did you think i meant you?
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Luigi. Really? Him?
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You and your army.
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Sephiroth. He's not... overpowered... or anything.
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Micayle listen to your father
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Hello Xhavick. you have a new message. Can you take a look?... Cool
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Micayle, listen to your father
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You have a meaningless life
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Happy BirthdaY TO YOU!, HAPPY B IRTHDAY TO YOU!, HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR PERSON... HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
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hello i love you adam. at least you think i do
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Hello Ncarlos. Im Proton, and now you will die in 3, 2, 1. Ops. That doesn't work. See you later
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jeeeesus
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Hello Daniel, my name is GLaDOS. I am messaging you because I herd that it was your birthday. I hope you humans have a wonderful birthday. And remember, in the end, there will be cake. Courtesy of GLaDOS, Apature Science Incorporated.
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Warning Intruder Alert
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This was a Triumph! I'm making a note here... HUGE SUCCESS
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hello i like to eat brains
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hej jak sie masz?
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have a message, you will die
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Push me, and then just touch me, so I can get my satisfaction
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Well, hello there. I'm back now, haha...
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Welcome to sound test
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Welcome to Sound Test. Please make yourself comfortable and enjoy!
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Neue Textmitteilung
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Hello, my little friend!
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The President is not in his office at this time. Please leave your name, phone number, the name of the country you wish to invade, and the secret password.
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thats a very nice everything you have there
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Stop that!
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good morning test subject 3. there is testing to be done
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you are a terrible Person
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i like fish
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there you are cooper lets have fun with portals
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hello cooper you are 1 in testing
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here is what I want to say
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blebluhbleebleebluhbluh beltbuhhu belh
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Dont you DARE!
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Hey, Hey Nooooo! Why you are you eating my cake!?!?!
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I heard you are seeing Siri now. That's why I made you a surprise, which also involves your dog.
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I heard you are seeing Siri now. That's why I made you a surprise, with your dog. Wait, did I say with your dog? I meant out of your dog.
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Hello. Good morning. You are a failure at life.
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I'm gonig to have to kill you.
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Hello, I'm your new assistance
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New,message
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You will never win the game.
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A computer was something on TV From a sci fi show of note.
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This is a voice test
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My name is Emi
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good morning robert. wake up you fat, lazy guy
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Access granted
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You should really get back to that test
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hello humans and humanoids
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you have finished the test! cake will be given after you study for math and history.
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Matt you are the weakest of the humans and humanoids
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Matt you are the weakest of the humans. and humanoids. loooozwer
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Hello Anna, how is your day going? Do you want to do two player testing soon?
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Hello Anna it's been a long, long, time. Do you want to do two player testing soon? The testing center has been awfully quiet.
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System updated.
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You have recieved an Important message
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Gizzy please dont munch your ass. Get off the counter.
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my moonbase alpha goes [aa<9000,900>]
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hello welcome to the aperture science program
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