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MessageDownloadDate addedDate processed
Hello Darkenetor, and again, welcome to the Preytor computer-aided enrichment center. Post Scriptum, The cake is a lie, lol
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Hello, Darkenetor, and, again, welcome to the, Preytor, computer-aided enrichment center. Post Scriptum, The cake is a lie. lol
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All your base are belong to us. You are on the way to destruction. You have no chance to survive make your time. Ha Ha Ha Ha ....
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I've got something in my front pocket for you
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Welcom
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ello my name ist test
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Your phone is phone is ringing. Hurry subject name here
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Thank you for calling i t s computer services. We are not available at the moment.
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You've got new messages
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I want kill of Aralbaev
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You have a text message. Feel free to ignore it.
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Hello, I am Siri from Apple Computer
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Hi, i am just a computer whore. kill me later.
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hello do you want to play a game
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Hello, John Metallo, you and Rebekah will marry. And the cake is not a lie. I hope you wont' have a sad pathetic life
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Oh hey there
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Hello there. You might wonder why you are here. and it may take you some time to remember everything that is going on right now. but you will soon. i think
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Hey, i hate you
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Amino
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You are the biggest waste of my time. I regret using you for a test, you monster.
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Go to hell, I went there you will burn.
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Remi is a noob and in lobe with stephen!
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Remi is a noob and in lobe with Stephen!
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Remi is a noob and in love with stephen!
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Life Gospel Church
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i like fish in my oven
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Binjour
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Hello Charlie
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Hello Galdrim, I want to kill you with neurotoxines
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I hate you Charlie
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Hello David
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hello! Are you a potato?
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Hello Franco. Welcome to the potato enrichment center. You will die in. 3, 2, 1.
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You have a text message. Oh joy, another paltry human thing to do.
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hello James
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What is this i don't even
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Ryan, you smell like farts.
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Subscribe to KieranRogers1 on youtube!
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joseph is fatty spins hahaha dirty little sex troll
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you have a message idiot
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i told you. the cake isn't a lie
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Hello Freddie Bartholomew Antonio Rodriguez, this is GLaDOS, you fuck sheep. simple. PROBLEM!
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EGGY
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eggy chicken
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Time to wake up. Time to start testing. For science
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hello denis b
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FACK
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Hey dude, i love you!
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Oh dear, you should try peeling potatoes instead of teaching
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How are you feeling today
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Your phone is ringing, if you do not pick it up, you will not get any cake and I may be forced to kill you so you should answer your phone
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bonjour karima. comment tu vas ?
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Hello Victim. I would love to invite you to your de...de...eth... an all new experience at the Aperture Science Testing Facilities.
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so i was like o hai
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you've got a caaaall, please answer you phooone
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I have nothing to say
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fuck me crazy
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Why are you waving your hand like that?
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pure development
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Hello Luke Best
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Hello Chris
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Bootingsequenz
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After 500 meters you have reqached your destination
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pure. development
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Oh. Hello there.
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Welcome to you that has come to Aliencraft
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Good evening, i was happy to see you
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haha you win, here is your prize
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Hello, i'm a big flying bird
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This is a test of the emergency broadcast simulator
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War, War never changes
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Hello. How are you today? Wait. I don't care. You are nothing a test subject to me. Now let us begin with some testing.
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You got an text message!
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was geht
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Hello Peter. I will end your life slowly and painfully.
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may the world know you suck
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side effects include death
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Oh well, I thought I heard a monkey. And here you are.
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Fool ! You activate the nuclear reactor ! 1 minute lef to run out this place ! 59 . 58 . 57 . 56 ...
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I think you need to have a talk with someone who gives a fuck.
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me and my extra twenty pounds
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This was a triumph!
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I'm going to kill you Chell!!
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Mordin
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I am Caroline
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It's good to see you there.
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What are you doing
Download10/11/201103/05/2013
Hello, and again, welcome to the central texas christian school powder puff game.
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chud culeado
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Welcome to race sinners radio
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Stupid brendan
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Fuck you neonpleco I choose you pickachu
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Fuck you neonpleco I choose you pickachu GET HIM!
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oh, hello you monster
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I like your shoes
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what is you're problem, man?
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Hello Luki, this is mega cool!
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pony should pony pony
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eeeny
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northeast knights
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Welcome to Iowa.
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I am going to science you so hard right now.
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oh Hello
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messege
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andre fuck you
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me and my extra 20 pounds
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Hey Idiot answer your phone. Hello, your phone is ringing. Answer it or else you die. You Monster
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This was a triumph.I'm making a note here: HUGE SUCCESS.It's hard to overstate my satisfaction.
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Welcome to Aperture Science Laboratories. The test you are about to solve requires some computer knowledge. Let's begin.
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Yeah Cloud
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three Swedish switched witches watch three Swiss Swatch watch switches. Which Swedish switched witch watch which Swiss Swatch watch swich
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Oh boy. This is fun. Not.
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There will be cake
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Adam Kline is my hero.
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Hello, Austin.
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wa wa wa
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Hello, How can I help you?
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You got a new message on your phone, sir.
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this message will explode in five, four, three, two, one, BOOM, got you didn't I, no well how about..... NOW
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i may be a robot but i can still act human
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one two three four five six player
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Dear amanda, will you marry me?
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Yumminess is good so I like to eat it all day long! Yeahhhhh, yeahhhh, yeahhhhhhhhhh! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh! Yumminess is my favorite thing in the whole world! Happy Halloween to all of you and be sure to remember my name!
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Thank You. You Have Been Cleared through Voice Print Identification.
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The Enrichment Center reminds you that the Weighted Companion Cube will never threaten to stab you and, in fact, cannot speak.
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I thought it was interesting.
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Hello and welcome to rubiks tv!
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you've recieved a new text message... YOU MONSTER!
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Alert. Enemy Activity Detected. Begin first phase.
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someone has sent you a message. don't ask me why
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Hello, who are you?
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Andrew Stop Playing Halo Reach and visit me in the aperture science Enrichment Center
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What are YOU lookin at ya freak
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what are YOU lookin at ya perv
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It's been a long time.
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hello you must be a dude
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Hello and welcome to your computer
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white people voted no
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Chandler is a sad attempt at life.
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nick-clones will prevail.
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And he piled upon the whale's white hump, the sum of all the rage and hate felt by his whole race. If his chest had been a cannon, he would have shot his heart upon it.
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Touch my lala
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oooh baby, I want you on me...I mean...I want you on me
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hi. well, how are you holding up?.............................BECAUSE IM A FUCKING POTATO!
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How have you been
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System logout sucessful. Goodbye
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Warning! Battery power at critical level. Please plug in to an outlet.
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Your sad little life.
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Critical stop alert
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Divice connection sucessfull
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Divice disconnection sucessfull
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Error: divice failed to connect
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Warning! Warning! Warning!
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Maximize window
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Minimize window
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Printing sucessfull
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Warning! Program error detected.
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Pooky please go die in a fire. thank you.
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Inquiry:
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Restore down
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helooo there i'm GLaDOS
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Restore up
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oh, hey, didn't see you there
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Oh, hi. So how are you holding up? Because I'M A POTATO
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holy shet
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this is kinda stupid.
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Jackie
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You completely suck
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you are a fucking asswipe
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hi what's up?
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Hey! Put me down!
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hello Robin, you should wake up now. a new day is starting, i guess it's a good day for killing youself. oops did i say that out loud? i'm sorry, not. wake up silly. you'll be missed.
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Hello, maybe you should lose those twenty pounds. Fatass.
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I really hate this
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MAMA LUIGI
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THE LEGEND OF ZELDA IS A GREAT GAME SERIES BETTER THAN PORTAL!
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Welcome To The W W E
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stop running
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you shit head
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ok these 25 italian restraunts are in north beach mother fucker
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Oh joy...
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i see, you dont want it
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hmm does this really work? you have nothing better to do with your sad life then make me talk
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We wish you a merry christmas. Well, i say we, but i know you have no other friends, so it's better that saying that I pity you for being alone on christmas.
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Oh...It's You......It's been a long Time. How have you been?......i've been really busy being dead.....you know, after you MURDERED ME.
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Dom, you should just give up.
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Travis, you have no friends. Ha ha ha ha.
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You are hated.
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do you have portal 2?
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Halks, you are a dumb
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Hey Stacey, when do you want to go in the hot tub? Ever had sex with a robot? Want to?
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Hello, Kevin. I don't believe we've met before. I am GLaDOS, and I'm going to kill you.
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hello you sad sad human
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fitter happier more productive comfortable not drinking too much regular exercise at the gym (3 days a week)
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getting on better with your associate employee contemporaries at ease eating well (no more microwave dinners and saturated fats) a patient better driver a safer car (baby smiling in back seat)
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sleeping well (no bad dreams) no paranoia careful to all animals (never washing spiders down the plughole) keep in contact with old friends (enjoy a drink now and then) will frequently check credit at (moral) bank (hole in wall) favours for favours
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fond but not in love charity standing orders on sundays ring road supermarket (no killing moths or putting boiling water on ants)
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Do not yell about the man, he will kill you
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this is crazy
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Do you want to touch my monkey?
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hello, it's time we started the test. take a seat over there while a member of the Aperture science division distributes your portal device
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Welcome to Darren's computer. Please enter the appropriate password for your given user. I've activated the webcam, and you're looking fat today.
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Are you ever going to die? Or will I just kill you with my laser guided turrets?
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When will you ever die?
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Will you ever die, or must I kill you myself, it will be bloody.
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hussain
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hello, i think you are fat
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i like this. it ticles my fanny
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you are so fun
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hello im mac
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android isn't open
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yoo I love you
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I want to have my testicles ripped out.
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I have to install the latest version of MySQL server community edition 5.1.51 (i think is the latest)
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you are slowly boring me to death
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dubstep , hip hop and electro. keegan craze
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I'd just like to point out that you were given every opportunity to succeed. There was even going to be a party for you. A big party that all your friends were invited to. I invited your best friend the Companion Cube. Of course, he couldn't come because
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Kidding me.
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Time to get down and boogie
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Kevin, sorry I missed your birthday.
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This is so Cool
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Your Phone Is Ringing, So you had better answer it. Answer the phone. Please Answer the Phone, I WILL BE MAD IF YOU DON'T ANSWER THE PHONE. THAT DOES IT, NO CAKE FOR YOU
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What the hell were you thinking?
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Kaesae Saeki Kaesae Saeki Kaesae Saeki
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It's okay.
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Suck it blue
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Te amo mucho maritza bianney
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Bonjour ! Avancez ici !
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Five. Three. Two.
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I will stab you
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heyheyhey
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What? where do you think you are going? Did you really think i would let you escape?
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Attention! You've got a new message
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Hey stephan
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On Dasher on Dancer, on Prancer and Vixen, on Comet on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen
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Happy Birthday Jen. Would you like some cake?
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douches
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You've got a message. Someone loves you.
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I am GLaDOS. An awesome and friendly IA.
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I am GLaDOS. An awesome and friendly IA
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What
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Resistance is futile
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try this
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What is this?
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you look roundish
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You have a new message, want me to reed it to you? It says, maybe you should get off your phone and go for a walk, you could use a walk
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My Name is GlaDos and I think Chell ist fat!
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You'r all going to die down here
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Haha poop
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You have a message. Probably bad news.
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Iain, the website you created is as meaningless as your pathetic little life
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Deine Oma hat zwei Kinder, deine Mutter und deinen Vater
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Welcome back... I guess.
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Hello, and, again, welcome to the Black Mesa Research facility
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All of you will die! I am the one who is the owner of the golden treasure. no one had survive and your the next! The gold is mine!
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Ciao Pataracchia
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This is why we can't have nice things.
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Maria! You know how much time right now, instantly get up!
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im sorry but i have to end your miserable life omer erendoruk
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Hello i love you
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you have a new text message... YOU MONSTER!!
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oh good, you are still alive
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big up
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Wellkomme to Lets Play Portal 2 Whit Edivn
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Hello, and again welcome to the Aperture Science. I will give you DEOP. Do you want know something more?
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Oh, Minecraft will make you better, if you'll help me.
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hello your are gay
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Moo
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TROLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO
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Hello, I'm GLADOS
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testing the app
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It's been a looong time
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TROLOLOLOLOLOLO
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no power
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oh puta nao te espetes
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powering down
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power save mode
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cory. you look fat and you was left behind in a club by your parents when you was born
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hello noam sinemanas and oren frydman
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noam
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oooooh whats in here?
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Thank you for calling
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I'm going to put you to sleep kid.
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how are you today?
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hello my name is you are in the test room on ine portal 1
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I am not, a Moron!!! Uh oh...
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Hey you. RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. Hey hey, heyoo.
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Kerri, Alex wants you to know that he thinks you are useless. Just kidding, he really loves you.
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I sound just like the game. I have cake for you.
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I know we're in a lot of trouble and probably about to die, but that was worth it.
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je t'emmerde
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Oh, that was really funny. You know why?
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no te culpo
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It's been a long time. You monster.
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you are so stupid
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pure. developmenta
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Hello callum, i cannot believe you are so fat, you neeed to go on a diet
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My name is GLsDOS. And now... you will die.
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This is test... but you already now, I guess.
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papo you are a big gay and adan stinks very much and tatin is one chocolate
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Ah Ha I just took over or computer
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Oh, hi. How are you hold up? because I'm a potato..
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Oh, look. You broke something. Again. Thankfully it wasn't me this time.
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io sono glados
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Testies Testies
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I just took a fat digital shit on your moms chest!
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hi there. i am glados, and you are a fucking asshole.
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I just made your mom give me a blumpkin while I had explosive diarrhea. She almost through up on my big vanilla about 10 times...
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Tesco Tesco Yes
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Message
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Michael Is Gay
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Bonjour flo comment va tu ?
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Suck it
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fluffyzen is really starting to annoy me, kill command initiating
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Todo putos
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Todo son putos
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Shut up arron
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Service will begin in...
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Please begin to find your seats.
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One minute... Two Minutes... Three Minutes... 10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1...NOW!
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Jenifer collinson looks like Alexia Ashford ha ha ha also Bethanie Willis rules she pwned Laurence Parkin
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You know what I hate about voicemail messages? They go on and on, wasting your time. I mean, all they really need to say is, "We aren't in, leave a message."
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That's why I've decided to keep mine simple and short. I pledge to you, my caller that you will never have to suffer through another long answering machine message when you call.
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Here is [ Egg (+10 Energy) ] to help you out!
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i love to eat poop
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Hello, my name is GLaDOS, and i love to smell elderly asses and watch mexican babies get fucked in the ass
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hey what is going on
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OK, 30 minutes and counting. Before I end your sad excuse for a life.
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Bienvenue dans les locaux daperture science
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Hello Lauren Marolda TEST SUBJECT 7829 And welcome the enrichment center. run by nicholas, your brother.
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Wanna go to Spain?
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Warning. Aperture Science detected an incoming message
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Welcome to McJohnson's, may I take your order?
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Warning. An incoming message has been detected!
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Oh no, he is playing 'Sounds from the 80's'.
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Smooth move, Ex-Lax!
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Hello pim how are you doing?
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Do ye think?!
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Hey, hey you. RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
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I am so SMART! S M A R T, I'm sooo SMART!
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What the Deuce! LOIS!!! I should have known!
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THIS... IS... SPARTA!!!!!
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COMBUSTIBLE LEMON THAT WILL BURN PHOTOS OF HOUSE!
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I am Heavy Weapons Guy, and this is my Weapon. Sasha.
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Monkeys, MONKEYS! Why always monkeys?
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You wanna Cake that will shut down Sector 7?
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Really? You need my help!
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Photos of Spiderman!
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Magic *snort* *snort*!
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I am Heavy Combustible Lemons Guy, and this is my photo of Spiderman!
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You are such a moron
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Sounds like there's a Defective Turret.
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Ah nope. Just me, Gabe Newell.
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Gaben.
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NOM NOM NOM!
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Pow! HAHA!
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Joels class rocks
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When Life gives you PANCAKES, don't make SANDWICH. Get Mad!
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Hello iJazzer M B, you found me. Was it worth it?
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The Aperture Science Enrichment Center is proud to demonstrate the Aperture Science Temporal Reversion Device. You, Baxter, are probably too young now to properly understand the function of this device
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LE PETIT GABEN!
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MASHY SPIKE PLATE!
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YADADADADADADADA YADADADADADADADA YADADADADADADADADAA!
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Please stay on the line while your call is processed to next available agent.
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you mad bro?
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Ola, como vai vc?
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This is a test of the Glados speaking system
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Heil Hitler!
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ben, you have a text message
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Unfortunately, lead propaganda writer Kyle Brett is not available for your call. Please try again later and maybe he will take time to call back
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Do you really think I'll let you keep your powers? Well, you though wrong. I used that technology of yours to disable your powers. Even the permanent ones. Your System also seems to project my voice in a strange manner, but it doesn't matter.
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rftydhkl
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Jessica. You have a message. You should pick it up. It could be important. . . .ha ha ha ha i just looked. It is important.
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xdfgsrtdthsetz
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Hello. Do you want a piece of cake?
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dfgdfgdfgfdgfd
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peter file
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hello nikolas i have come to destroy you and the world as u know it. my minion wheatley is guiding your cousin through aperture science as a trick to gain him as another humanoid slave you will have challenges ahead of u to escape but u won't later
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I am so happy.
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dgfhjyuik
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Bienvenue sur SosGotgot
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hallo frank
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Online
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Welcome To Science.
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If they're so smart, why don't they figure out how popularity works and beat the system, just as they do for standardized tests?
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Hello, Matt, I'm going to kill you
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Hello PillsCrazy, you should do more videos about Left 4 Dead to your youtube channel!
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You may undergo a series of tests.
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You want to know?
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Jimi should play with his lego or Daddy will punish him
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Ti Amo
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Omnom nom?
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Welcome to Omnom Domains dot com where we nom the shit out of prices.
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Oh, Ethan! It's me. I think you remember me, don't you? I'm watching you. Just keep that in mind.
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You are such a loser
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Hello, you have reached Ryan Ferguson's voice mail, he is unable to take your call. Please leave your name and number and he will get back to you as soon as possible. If it is urgent text him.
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Oh yaaaay. Another year to ponder your meaningless existence.
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Ryan, you have an incoming message.
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I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dix in my mouth.
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Ferg smash yo mom's ass!
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rosprostovlasatila-li se
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Oh,its you. Its been a long time. How have you been? I have been really busy being dead. You know,after you MURDERED me?
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Hello, you monster...How have you been? Lets play a bit shall we?
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Hi is brad there?
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Yantcho go fuck yourself
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franks red hot sauce your Majesty. I put that (censor) on everything
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Mommy
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Tiffani I love you!!!
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Kerry, you have received a text message.
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Oh. It's YOU.
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hello nigga wat u want beoth lololo hahah
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hola a todos
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Meggan
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its okay temi. ill sing instead. caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake
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temi hi its glados
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hello. and, again, welcome to the aperture science computer aided enrichment center
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This is the Aperture Antartic research factilty
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Hello Aidan and Naomi. How are you? Would you like some cake?
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Oh, Hello, Michael. Please get back to work before I destroy you... fatty
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we have glass bottoms...if we fall, our rears shatter
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connard de tranmi
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It's been a looong time. Where have you been?
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Vocaloids are programs that sing and speak in a robotic voice, saying phrases or singing lyrics that you type.
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Hello, Rose, and welcome to Apature Science. This is GlaDOS speaking, and I will be your guide. Just kidding! This is Christa!
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Julio, you have a new message...stupid
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Julio, your phone is ringing. Would you like to answer or should I tell them that you are dead?
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"It is an Anglo-Spanish fusion place in a building that is completely occupied and structurally sound. I promise."
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Bryson is the most powerful being in the world
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the holocaust is bullshit
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Please leave a message at the tone, lest deadly neurotoxin be emitted from thy phone. Brittany probably lost her phone by now, she is a moron, you know.
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You should marry this thing, since you like it so much.
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The Answer For Life, Universe and Everything Is.............. Foty Two. That's Rigth. I Tested!
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Life... Don't even talk to me abou life.
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I'll be back.
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Hello Matt, Are you ready for more testing? I. R. L?
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You have recieved a new message... god knows why anyone would send a message to you... maybe it was an accident.
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Messages added to the queue recently
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radda is bad. did you know that? i didn't
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Hello. My name is GLaDOS, and this is the station 3 of Dharma Iniciative. Your mission here is press the buttons. You won't have any box to help you in this one. You have to press the buttons 4 8 15 16 23 42. Hard, isn't? I believe it is, for you.
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thank you for calling humbleshop.com
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Call incoming. Must be a wrong number, you don't have any friend, your density is too high. Oh, sorry, it means you're fat.
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Wake up Aizen, time for your test.
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fucking awesome
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My name is NightieNight
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Hello. Alex is ... indisposed. Leave a message after the beep and she will get back to you. Or not.
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Receiving incoming transmission
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This isn't brave. It's murder.
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After this one test, there will be cake
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Hello test subject number 9,9,9, wow, triple nines, we should celebrate, with tests.
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MESSAGE!
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message!
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read the goddamn message
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i like to suck pickles
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I've sent your mail, now what?
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I've sent your mail, now what
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I've sent your mail. now what
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I've sent your mail now what
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check your mailbox for new mail
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your lame contacts sent you mail
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I picked up your mail
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This is cool.
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Hello Tabea, Your son has told me to tell you to...WAKE UP!
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get a job, then quit your current job
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agus es malo
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Tek fox, you are wrong
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Drive for 200 metres, turn right. Continue for 500 metres along the highway, then turn right. You will be stuck in traffic. You will be horribly late. You will run out of gas. You will not be going anywhere. And you will be trapped. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
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Would you like to send a text message?
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Hello daniel
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Isn't there a different hardware for this?
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Dear Ones, we really are so proud of your efforts to work with us, and together we have achieved great strides in spite of the resistance. We know even more of you are anxious to offer your services to us and Mother Earth, and your chance will eventually
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Message received
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A Critical error has occurred.
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Welcome subject 000090, To Aperture Science Enrichment Center. You have been chosen to perform very dangerous, I mean, very safe, scientific Tests.
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Suck it moron I am Artifical intelligence
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Hello, It's time to go back to your work!
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Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice.
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check your mail
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you have new mail But i don't know why any one would want to talk to you
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Mail you motherfucker
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Trick or treat.
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Oh great. More e mail.
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Medicine is never sweet
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fuck you slut
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I need to pee in the toilet
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I am going to play this game
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What's going on? How are you doing today.
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hello hector
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Yuhhi
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new e mail. didn't you hear me? new e mail.
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You are a pathetic meatbag
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rexy
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new e mail received. did you hear me? i said, new e mail received!
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Hello Efraim I'M going to kill you just so you know I dont mean anything by it I'm sorry
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Incoming transmission
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hello, again, welcome to the aperture science computer aided enrichment centre
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hello,again, welcome to the aperture science computer aided enrichment centre
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You've got a message
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Welcome to the bellagio. Multi Verse Crew,
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Hello, I am a mac !
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Hello! Johan Tell
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