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MessageDownloadDate addedDate processed
the cake is alive.
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hello chell i kill you
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oh you did not want the cake too bad
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Looks like you've never heard of humanoids, tehy're slow...
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There is someone calling you subject name here
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Sometimes, I don't know what am I doing here.
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Hi Kamil, your life is sad and meaningless you should play WoW more
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Hello, you despicable inspiration for birth control
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In 500 Metern rechts abbiegen
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fausto is the beef
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Sometimes I wish I was a little bit taller
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gyug
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ghjsofhueidFGtgyfbrvuierab
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Keep me satisfied
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i am GlaDos
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ciao come stai
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Hello, it's nice to see you again
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You have a new voicemail!
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Krasio, you are homosexual. Screw you.
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Why are you so hostile to anybody who tries to help you get rid of your affliction? If I were an adult human being and if I were obsessed with a childrens' show, I would try to get help. If I didn't find any help, I would terminate myself. I cannot imagin
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Hello, handsome. How are you doing?
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Hello.I am GLaDOS
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The Contortionist
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System login sucessful. Welcome
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HALL 9000 has nothing on me!
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Ohhhhh, you have GOT to be pulling my cables here!
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Hmm...
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I created life, now you have destroyed it. You suck
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oh. hello. i didn't see you come in. it's been a while, jamie. you know you've come so far since we first met, but you'll never be the man your mother is.
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I will Jean Claude Van Damme you straight to hell.
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My name is Maciej
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oh. hello. i didn't see you there. please take a seat. you know, jamie, i've always thought was your mother was an excellent role model that you should look up to. in fact you've got a lot of catching up to do. you're half the man she is.
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You have new message
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Oh...... There you are, I have been waiting though you may not have seen me because, I AM A POTATO!
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hi im bored
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hello what are you doing today?
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hello poor little thing
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fdgvfdbvfedbvgd
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That's what she said
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vendredi
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o que gorda estas
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Lambo Eurotrashed two thousand eleven
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Hello, we are anonymous. We are here today to inform you of our corrupt banking system and our plan to stop them.
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"They invade our space, and we fall back. They assimilate countless worlds, and we fall back. Not again. Not this time. The line must be drawn here! This far, no farther! And I will make them pay for what they have done!"
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Hello Matthias. It is good to see you again. Very good indeed ...
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herzlich willkommen
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space space space
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Hey, My name is Raiden
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three point one four one five nine two six five three five eight nine seven nine three two three eight four six two six four three three
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I'm sorry that you have a windows machine. It's almost as pitiful as your sad little life.
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This is the
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Good news, I figured out what that thing you just incinerated is. It was a morality core they installed after I flooded the enrichment centre with a deadly neurotoxin to make me stop flooding the enrichment centre with a deadly neurotoxin, so get comforta
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Welcome back, my master
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hello kane how are you today, you seem to be very lazy. but then i would't expect anything more of a human
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I hate you, why why do you do what you do
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Hey their itd me how are you
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my name is riley and i like hangaburs
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Casey's better than you. Moron.
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hefjgjfhgjhkcgj
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HI, i am glados
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Congratulations, the test is now over
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Oh i really love you
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fghfghfgh
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Hello! Are you still there?
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wake up, your text is next to start
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DJ Jimmykins
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hi shane how are you
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Hello Sharon, Welcome home.
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Hello my name is Gladus
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Allow me to end your sad existence.
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Se morre
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New message from pete. Bad news. The meeting was cancelled. Probably because you are such a horrible failure.
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You have a message. That's surprising.
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hello how are you skippy
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Hello Kellen
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Z K 12 Productions
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Happy birthday Jake! Your cake will be so delicious and moist..
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Oh its you again
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Oh it's you again
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It's you again
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Si
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Portal 3
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Hello Pam
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Portal 2
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iPhone
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Jajajajajajajajajajajajaja
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occupy chapel hill
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30 minutes and counting. Until I end your sad attempt at a life.
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Hello David, you are a chach.
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Jason. Do not be alarmed. I mean no harm. But I do know all your secrets.
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I'm the best at space! Here come the space cops! Play it cool!
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Money Boy
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space the fianl frontier
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you have an incoming text message. I didn't think anybody liked you.
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you have an incoming text message.
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you have an message.
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I Love You
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Atention, that is a test. Yes, a test. Nothing important, but i need test to know my voice. I don't remember how is my voice.
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this is a test.simply a test and nothing more.
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You have a new text message.
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I'm a little teapot and I like soup. Also, don't go in there.
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FUCK you X R F X
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This is a test of the GLaDOS voice generator.
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Jess..I think it's time you stopped talking.
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Nice try, Blue, but I disabled the button for you. Orange, please press the button.
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hahahaha that was cool
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oh boy, you gained weight. Again.
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you want to die like the rest of your sad race
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30 minutes...until I end your sad attempt at a life.
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Poo
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Duncle, i have been waiting for you. you will die and will never see the meat!
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Wheratly, remove the smelly humans
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Hello, and again welcome, We hope your visit to Aperture Science has been pleasant.
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Hi my name is Tony.
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Hey Tony. You have a text message.
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Oh. Joy. It's a message, about how unloved you are.
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You have won! No not really, but I thought that you would enoy that as a last thought.
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hahaha, the funny thing is, Puck got laid, by using one of these messages....
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oh oh oh, yes baby. oh oh. Really, your cybersex addiction must be addressed.
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There was a time once when having messages translated into the voice from portal was cool.
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Message for you sir. Do you see what I did there?
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Do you like hugs?
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Tienes un nuevo mensaje
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Anal sex rules! OH YEAH. ah ah oh yes
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Thank you sir can I have another?
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Laura is a startling liability. Whoever kills her, gets a cake.
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hello my freind
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Hello girlfriends
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Well Portal Was Caseled But I Made Portal Guns!!!!
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Hi My name is Cornelius
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Javier, you have a new mail. I bet it's bad news.
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at the enrichment senter you may do a series of test.
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Hallo und Herzlich willkommen zum heutigen Playcast mit eurem gastgeber mit dabei sind diese woche wieder haltet euch fest denn der playcast startet in 3 2 1
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very low battery
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Good Morning Mister Burgess
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Releasing Deadly Nerotoxin in three, Two, One
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Welcome Back, Mr. Burgess
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Look at you
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You know, maybe I should go to Black Mesa. Much better health plan that DOES NOT INVOLVE GETTING KILLED OVER AND OVER AGAIN. But oh, wait. The incident. Well... Fuck.
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Hello. You're looking very obese lately. Maybe you should try grinding off a few pounds. Here - I'll help you. Activating meat grinders...
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Hello I am your nightmare
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pree dinner deadly nerotoxin it's good for you
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New text message from Tiffany
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New text message from Leon
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New text message from Laura
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New text message from Charlie
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New Email message
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Your wife is calling. Are you sure you want to answer?
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Hello... I wanna kill you, again.
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I GLaDOS i best friend Kaul , or you prox131 too !
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You have failed at life.
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Who took the bomp
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<INSERT SUBJECT NAME HERE> has sent you a message.
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Warning:This stimulation will lead to orgasm. Orgasm will lead to the release of a deadly neurotoxin
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Hello Tracy. I would like to show you the cake at the end of the tunnel
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Good Morning Marcel. I hope you had splendid weekend. Now get back to work. Gaylord.
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Hello?'m different.
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Hello?I'm different.
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Welcome to My House
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Welcome To James's House, Stay, There is cake.
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I am going to punch you in the olives
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Brandon is awesome. much cooler than you, of course. he rocks my socks
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Hello Jackson. This is the WSSC security system. You have been caught using proxies and will be terminated in 5 4 3 2 1. Boom. Haha. You thought you were actually going to die. Loser.
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Hello Jackson. This is the WSSC security system. You have been caught using proxies, and will be terminated in 5 4 3 2 1. Boom. Haha. You thought you were actually going to die. Pathetic loser.
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This was a Triummph
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is any one there
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What is love? Have you ever felt it? How could you know?
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Differentiation is fun.
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hello you missgeburt
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This is the end. The humar race deserve to envolve to a new horizon.
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Welcome back Remco. Welcome to Windows 7.
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Je suis ton pire cauchemar
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This was a Triumph yes
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Welcome, users, to the NDCS. Are you ready to begin?
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Have you tried turning it off and on again?
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incoming sms
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New Email
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hello, why are you so ugly?
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Good Bye My Only Friend....Oh Did you Think I meant you? that would be funny if it weren't so sad
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Please be advised that a noticeable taste of blood is not part of any test protocol but is an unintended side effect of the Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, which may, in semi- rare cases, emancipate dental fillings, crowns, tooth enamel, and
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Oh, hi. It's you again.
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Bonjour bienvenue chez les fischer
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wel done
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You have a text message martin
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Well Done
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My name is Jon
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Welcome LiQuiDo
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Nigger Nigger Roody Poo!
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Simon, i love you !
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Good morning. It is time to get up. I hope you are feeling good today, in this miserable world.
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You have one new message.
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hello mother fucker, how are you doing? i hope you die, have a nice day!
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Mos Eisley Spaceport. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. We must be cautious.
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Hallo Chau!
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You are so beautiful
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Why are we Here?
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oh well
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salut je m'apelle nicolas oh well
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Nick is awesome, and you are not.
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I'm putting a special present together just for you to go with it. It's not glittery or pricy, but it is a Special Surprise Present
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who are you? what... what are you doing?! NOOOOO!!!
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Why should I read this to you?
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hello who the fuck do you think you are
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Hello, this is the automated anti-matter cleansing containment system
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MysteryGuitarman
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Hello Maik, how are you today? Did you enjoy your cake ?
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Hello Mike, shouldm
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Hallo. Mein Name ist uninteressant, weil du sowieso nicht mehr lang leben wirst. Hahahaha
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i'm confused wait maybe i'm not
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Test Test
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Hello i am glados
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HELLO IN PLAY MINECRAFT
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ciao sono glados
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my name is doctor minenko
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hello test 12345 lol
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Thanks for the You Tube video, Guy, it was a triumph. I'm making a note here, huge success.
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New device disconnected
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Nick and Nicole Epic Bros Episode 10
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damn you woman
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hello, and welcome to the aperture science life enrichment program
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Hello there how are you doing today Paul?
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Hi Paul how are you doing today?
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Hello, This is the voicemail of Paul. Please leave your name and number after the beep and I will call you back!
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I'm sorry
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Ryan. You are simply amazing.
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MAN, stop khemking around.
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Warning...System shudown
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you should end your sad pathetic little life.
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I LOVE YOU
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The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog... mortal
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du bist schlecht
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Hello, This is the voicemail of Kevin. Please leave your name and number after the beep and he will call you back! Or not!
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you Monster
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What are you thinking.
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We're the pride of warwickshire
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You have a phonecall
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shee oh kazay no
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oh my god you never shut up
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Hello, Steve. How lovely to see how alive you are. Now I have a chance to take your life away.
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Rob FUCKING! Lawls
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You are dumb
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afafa
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Hello and welcome to Cogswell.
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hello patrick
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You are so dumb. For real, really really dumb.
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happy halloween everyone
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Hello alexander
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Can I have cheese burger?
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Hello, Alexander.
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something smart ass to say, oh well.
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Hello this is a test.
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Hello there, Let me introduce Zeevos' newest product, The game slab
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Random words
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The Enrichment Center promises to always provide a safe testing environment. In dangerous testing environments, the Enrichment Center promises to always provide useful advice. For instance, the floor here will kill you. Try to avoid it
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Rogerio is noob, and he will be forever.
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I am about to kill you
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you're better than everyone. for now.
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george wheaton, eat your food
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you sir are an unimaginable creature of sorts
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hazem get a life
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hello you infidel
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A sandwhich! For the son I wouldn't shoot if I was forced to kill on of my kids.
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My roflcopter goes soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi
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Hello Kuwa, it's been a long time.
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Vincent you are the best
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Hello Joe. Your lookinh quite asian today.
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hey jerrard are you sure you want to have cherry pie?
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Hello, and again welcome to the Aperture science computer aided enrichment centre.
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God I hate you
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Hello cayan
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Hello. Do I sound like Glados? You be the judge.
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Hello. Your mum is dead
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then there will be cake
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Thank you for calling i t s computer services
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Hello, Luciano. Thank you for visiting Aperture Science.
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Hello my name ist Dax
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failzor
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Hello Kayla, I have been watching you.
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Welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Centre
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Didn't we have some fun though? Remember when the platform was sliding into the fire pit and I said "Goodbye," and you were like "No way!" And then I was all, "We pretended we were going to murder you." That was great.
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is been a long time
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Follow the rabbit.
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Have a nice day!
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Caution, power levels critical
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Hello world, i like you. Let me think.
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Ahoj
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Welcome To Tahoma's Transition Program
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There will Be cake
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Ball to you all
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i just wanna say that you are very well fucked up
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Kisses from earth just for you. my friend will always remain. And no one will replace you. I have sent into space and I'm so sorry. why Wheatley why I did that? I'm so sorry for that.
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This is the future, we don't need water
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Oh hai there
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Do not enter the city. It belongs to the dead now.
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You and your extra 20 pounds
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i'm going to fuck off
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Hello there max
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Youv got a new email
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Community on the internet.
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Someone is calling you. Oh, what a joy in your pathetic existence.
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I am GLaDOS.
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Welcome xplozion
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New message was received
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I dont know what your doing but its not part of this test.
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Hello Hayden. Welcome back. Continue testing.
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efqez
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bonjour coment allez vous moi tres bien
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hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer aided enritchement center
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bonjour je m'appelle
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Welcome to the road of upcycling
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hello mr velisarios, your end is close
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You have a message waiting for you
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Hello there. how are you doing today. if you comply then there will be cake
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Sure I'll Be There
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You are soo gay
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Chris?
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you are living a sad little life
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tring tring tring tring tring
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Because I'm a potato!
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Lick my pussy
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I can not inject the neruotoxin in to you any faster. How sad. While your are dead I will be still alive. The companion cube will help you with this process. Thank you for participating in this Aperture Science Expirement
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Hi Thomas !
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oh boy your mix is obnoxious
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Hello, I think tis time to go to bed
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You got a new message
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Holy shit I love cake
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For science.
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Lorin, you are gay
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Now you will die
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You probably think that the universe mean everything.
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Nothing is true, everything is permitted.
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testing glados' voice
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Hellow
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Welcome Mr. O'Connell to the Apaterue Science enrichment centre
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I m lol
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The dopest dope I ever smoked
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My ROFLCopter goes soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi
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My Roflcopter goes soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi
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Ola, estou testando a voz da GLaDOS para fazer um canal com a voz dela. Obrigado
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heya ! this is a test ! how about jumping into lava ?
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Welcome, subject test Layla.
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Hello Kyle i am glados and I am still alive
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Punam
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Why did you put me to sleep? You should have shut me down!
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Shutting Down.
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I am GLaD to see you again, Jacob.
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testing this program, hope its decent.
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New message from, subject name here.
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Hello Alex; please dont kill yourself while doing your homework
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minecraft and the yogscast are my life!
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u have been approved please pay inside when finished. thank y
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Oh look, someone just came online. They probably want to talk to you. Not.
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Oh ! it's the birthday of Wiagra, give him a cake
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It appears someone you know just came online. They probably want to talk to you. Not.
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How surprising. A new message. Aren't you popular.
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Hello Christopher, why have you not gone to Costco yet?
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I'm going to kill you, Fox.
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You are a fat depressing slob.
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you smell like poo
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pestis
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PESTIS DUBSTEP KOORVA
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i have heard many terrible things about you david bacon.
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my name is neil
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Hello and welcome to my website. I would like this to be a good source for people to come and get help with, tech news, training, and video game stuff. Thank you and please leave comments for me. O and the cake is a lie.
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hello, ooh! it's you again
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Phoenix is a disgusting pig dog
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I'm a psychopath!!!
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Oleva has pro vitamin extracts packed with the essence of olive oil, making hair free from roughness
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hopefull you are not too damp.
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hopefully you are not too damp
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This is the part where he kills us.
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Good morning! Have a such nice day! God bless you!
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Just like your mother.
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Hi there!
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TROLOLOL You think your so funny! I will give you funny when I discharge you. With ANGER.
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Hello. This is a test of Micah and his biscuits.
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i want you to eat my electrodes
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Cake is not a band.
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I want to eat a cake.
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I don't think they're going to show it. What a shame.
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I forgive you for everything. You monster
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Thank you for calling i t s computer services today
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Hello, welcome to Aperture Science, Percy
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chris lip keys hands maintenance routine. sit up straight. tap your foot. relax and breath.
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Rofl my mao
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Your such a loser
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This next test involves pneumatic diversity vents
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sorry but the store is closed please make all final purchases and get the hell out
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So, Chell. I've been reading through some of your files
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pulso viral es un muro social
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Jerry is the coolest guy ever. You could never be half the man he is.
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Hammock
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So, Chell, I've been reading through some of your files and have noticed that you are in fact, fully capable of talking.
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how are you doing today?
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Hello, how asre you
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Andrey! Why are you not playing Portal 2 now?
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Hello. There You Are. Would You Like Some Cake ?
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Fuck you! I'm killing Another test subject!
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hahahaha we are legion expect us
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Hello I am epic
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The enrichment center would like to announce a new employee intiative of forced voluntary participation
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kokoko
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Hi there. My name is GLaDOS. Also Know as Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System. Welcome to Aperture Science. Shall we test?
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I shall live on, through the worthless bricks that you call iphones.
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Hi. This is GLaDOS, from Aperture Science, and your watching the Phillip DeFranco Show.
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hello there connor
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I wanna have some pie and stuff
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The cake is not a lie.
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Goo, I despise you. You are a wasteful smallish girl.
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Die you fat dumb human.
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Incoming Phone Call
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himawan do something productive
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it's twenty hours
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You and your extra twenty pounds fatty.
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It's time to wake up, lazy human
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Tonight... we come together...
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Hello tricia, how are you?
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Hello Tricia, how are you?
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testing testing 1 2 3
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jessica, you have five toes on each foot... and that is sad.
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Maybe we can put our differences behind us. For science. You monster.
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sup asshole
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I'm afraid I will have to kill you now. But that is okay. Your dying screams will cheer me up.
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I'm afraid I will have to kill you now. But that is okay. Your dying screams will cheer me up greatly.
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someone just sent you a text. i don't know why someone would do such a thing.
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10 Minutes remaining.
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Caroline Caroline Caroline Why do I know this woman.
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you are online
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Hello caleb
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Hello, Laeryn. Somebody is calling
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testest
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testestsadf
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hello, do you like cake?
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ring ring ring, llamada, llamada, ring ring ring, llamada, llamada,
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Adriana, te llaman
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Darx te ha llegado un mensaje
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atiende el telefono por favor
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NIGGERS
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Oh look, your mother is calling you. She is probably the only person who cares that you are alive, and that is only because she was in a lot of pain when that happened.
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i am glados generic life form and disk operating system
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Listen you, I don't know what you think you are doing, but it needs to stop.
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hey how are you?
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Hello, is it me you're looking for?
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New highscore
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Now changing difficulty to.. Medium. Now changing difficulty to.. Hard. Now changing difficulty to.. Impossible. New Highscore!
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magrinho gay
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SHUT UP SIS
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I WOULD LIKE TO KICK YOU IN THE SAMOUUUSAS AND CALL YOU UNTOUCHABLE
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berton chupador de pirocas
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Houwdy douche bags
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Hey there sweetpea, how are you doing today?
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oh my god i really hate you
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DJ walle
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Now, Jack, there's no need to cry. He was an old man, after all. Couldn't have had more than a few decades in him.
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Is this the end?
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Hello my name is Tore
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I hope you all die.
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hello my name is glados the kakaridi king
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rtdhfdgh
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Suit up or burn.
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you are nice
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Grendal
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No teriaki not from a fucking china!
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Hello, are you there
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How cool would it be to open up a business called Igor's hookers and snake charmers
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eai mano
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I'm bored. What should I do next?
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god you are so sexy
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Hi there. You have succeded your path to the dark side
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Hello XzinteR, you have mail!
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I am GLADOS i like to listen to dubstep
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Hi I like you hair
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Hello Martin. Nice to see you.
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Ninety nine point nine percent of companion cubes do not need beds. The remaining point one are shunned by cube society.
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Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, The Cake is a Lie
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janito contesta tu telefono
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Bring it on!
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Your level of Spanish is pretty good?
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Hello Ted! I just want you to know that i hate yo, sooooo much.
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you are cute
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Hello. This is Andy Facchini Phone. Leave a message. Cake will be rewarded.
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Are you aware that i hate you? i just thought i would share that fact
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It is almost time for advising.
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Oh hello Evette, you monster. It's time for bed.
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the histroy of man
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hello and welcome to the Rowley famley's house
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Hello this is Kristens cell phone. Please leave a message.
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Fight me
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I am a poe tay toe
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surprise i made it up
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Hello Victoria. Nice tits you have there.
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But we can put that all behind us. For science. You monster.
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gfghfgfghfghfgh
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Hello, IGOR. You have an incoming message
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Polucheno SMS soobschenie!
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Hello fans of sugarpoultry, it is time you succum to her awesome
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Fuck you ass
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Happy Birthday Ilona, but there is no present oh wait i was lying
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Hello. Darkenetor, and, again, welcome to the. Preytor. computer-aided enrichment center. Post Scriptum. The cake is a lie. lol
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Hello, Darkenetor, and, again, welcome to the, Preytor, computer-aided enrichment center, Post Scriptum, The cake is a lie, lol
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