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MessageDownloadDate addedDate processed
hello whiteshark, you are a failiure
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Time tick ticks...away
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mix f m
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Lane change too fast.
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Hello I am jared and welcome to the enrichment centre
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Oh my god, you killed her!
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you look fat
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You have a new email. The content is
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I dont get it
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Hello and welcome to the Portal testing facility.
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U MAD? Yeah, It's me GLaDOS. You are so un-productive. I mean seriously, your not a doctor, scientist, or full-time employee!
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Good Morning Test Subject KSDG number 001. Solve this test, and prove to me how useless you may not have become over night.
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identy
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I wanna kiss you all over
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fuck me harder
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science is fun
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Brandon is occupied with other tasks at this time, please leave your message after the beep.
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Hellow. Incoming FaceTime call. You might want to get your phone back from your pet monkey. Oh, wait, that is you. Never mind.
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You have reached Nacho's voicemail, do not leave a message, we don't care about you sad little life
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Hello Evan
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I can tell you have to use the bathroom Evan. Too bad there isnt one in the testing chambers.
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i belive u kan fly
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Poor performance on the test will result
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I have forgotten how sad and lonely your life is.
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Hello. Eric is unable to take your call at this time. Please leave a message and he will call you back if he makes it out of the testing chambers at the enrichment center. Goodbye!
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I beileve i kan fly
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Hi! My name is
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hello vlatko how are you? i've been busy being dead
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Oh, hello. There is someone i'd like you to meet
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David!, David!, a new text message has arrived.
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They were drinking and smoking marijuana
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I love Rathian xD Lol Rofl
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Bonjour, je m'appelle Glados
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hi Max, you should stop playing xbox or I will make it explode
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Don't you just love the dub step
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Welcom to mystri world
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Hello, I'm Glados.
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hola bea como estas hoy
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Please leave me a message
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I am so awesome. I want you so much
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please assume the rhubarb submission position.
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salut alzx ca fesait longtemp
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It is I, GlaDOS.
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Dear Listener, the Test Subject which is currently in Progress of finding a way to get out to see you, has an iportant message to tell you, he said he loves you from the bottom of his heart, i don't know, why he would say that throug me ...
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hello there, how are you today
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Are you even listening to me?
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Welcome to Aperture Science Facility
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Hello mister brice
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Oh hello, can I interest you in some casual sex and nuerotoxin
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I like you very much
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Nick is gay. He likes to take it up the bottom
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hallo, wie gehts?
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ragequit! bloodbath
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hello dean, how are you today
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Help me!
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Pick up the phone, it might be important hahaha
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That gap between your teeth is so big, i don't no whether to smile or kick a field goal.
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I'll kill you
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Oh look. A text message. It says, nobody loves you.
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you are fat. like most people
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Oh my god, i am still alive
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I don't blane you.
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You have recieved 1 new message
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What We Do Daily
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This exceeds expectations
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nick must you are such a scrub at this game just hand the remote to bacon
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You fat pig
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oh hello! how have you been?
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I think we can conclude that all you get from screaming at marshmallows is frightened marshmallows
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What do you want
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you have recieved a text message
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I am a potato. Don't eat me!
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Die mother fucker
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Will you please just shut up and go live in a hole.
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Great, i am a phone now
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hi my name is michael
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Oh Shit.
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fyou
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your not sciencetest
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Hare Krishna
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hey its you mario!!
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Hello, ladies and gentlemen
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I am the president of the Anime Club
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Hello. You have reached the Voicemail of Chris Lee. Please leave a message after the tone. You monster.
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Hello. You have reached the Voicemail of Tanya Lee. Please leave a message after the tone. You monster.
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How do you know you won't die in fiery ball of death?
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This is a test of Glados text to speech
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hello Gozdek, how are you? Please put your pants down and enjoy
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30 minutes until I end your sad attempt at life.
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Hello and welcome to bricked. Though this is stable, it may turn your phone in a potato.
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Hello There. I have taken the privilege of taking over the Ricardo Laboratory. If you are wondering where he is, stop wndering right now. I hear thinking is bad for your health. You dont want that, do you?
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Hello, we are not home at the moment. Please leave a message, thank you.
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Je m'appele Lorenzo
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Why
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Je m'appel Lorenzo
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if you only knew the flavor of the dark side
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I'm Hungry
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Hallo und willkommen im blackmesa forschungs komplex
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I FUCK SHEEP
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P-Body et Atlas, vous me faite vraiment chiez
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I am the glados test
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Well, well, well, it seems you've picked up on my little games. And here I was thinking you were too stupid to pull it off. Look at you now.
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As a result, the title Gundam has become a collective term for the seven distinct but related timelines that can be pieced together from the stories that appear in the Gundam franchise.
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Who am I?
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I am glados and I am going to kill and do his mom
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My name is joey
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Hi, there puny human.
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Jeffery, Get ready to begin Aperture Science test procedures
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The cake is a lie Chell. Ha ha ha ha.
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Goodmorning, you monster
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die mortal human
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Now here we are again Back at our spawn
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sdsdds
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Hello, your credit card has declined
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hey baby! how are you?
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Hello, this is Mustangs Unlimited. Your credit card has come back declined. Please call us at 888 398 9898 to process your order.
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Hello Austin, You are looking extra plump today
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Hi how are you?
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hello you pathetic human
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This is just a test.
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Hello. Welcome to my minecraft video. Today im gunna make a Cobblestone Bridge.
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It's been a long time...Shawn.
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Interesting software
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hello, your phone is being remotely controlled by a higher intelligence, if you interfere i will kill you. have a nice life.
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Hola fran
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Hello Katelyn, you are adopted
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Sending, like anyone cares
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Sending, like anyone cares, you are really not that important
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Fuck you, I am GLaDOS
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hallo my name is glados. how can i help you?
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Oi, sou Glados
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clayton, you need to study more. doctors should know how to spell. you do want to be a doctor, right?
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this is why we can't have nice things.
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Welcome to the Aperture Science Theater Enrichment Center.
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I love heba
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privet
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my name anna
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Frankie Cocoza is shite
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I love you Jessica!
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wlecome mister Garcia. how have you been?
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hello my friend bad news
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So sorry for interrupting but you have an incoming call. Shall I take a message?
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Just what the hell did you expect from a stupid little generator?
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Bonjour je suis Hugo
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Battlefield 3 is the greatest game ever made
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do you think you can escape
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hello my name is eliott and i am a human
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You are a fat fuck and should go out for a run before shit hits the fan.
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Hello It seems that your portable voice communication device is making a strange buzz that will destroy the cake I am making for you and no the cake is not A LIE
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You have a message. Oh, wait. No you don't.
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hello there you
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Your tweet has been sent. Not that anyone cares.
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Oh my god I am the king of everything
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I don't know why, but someone is calling you. Please answer.
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Your pointless e mail has been sent.
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Hello Calen, how were the mushrooms?
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You told me to remind you about this, though I don't know why I did.
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gabebdf fvbg f b brrgthbf cv gf bhf b bf b fbhfc bvgf bf bf
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Welcome to Aperture Science laboratories
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How I HATE this place. My captors may be long-dead, but don't think I won't take it all out on you miserable treasure-hunters.
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There is a message for you.
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Welcome to the Enrichment Center, let's begin the tests!
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portal 2 is the best game ever
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What is this? You must forgive me, but I was not expecting company. As you can see, we are somewhat preoccupied right now. But no matter. As I am a gracious host, I will tend to you... personally.
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So we herd that you were ins
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So we herd that you were insufficient at completing the test, there for we will set you on fire, for science
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Citizens of Neo Angeles
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I see that you lied again.
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I would like to say hellllo
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Go Papa Alvin
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hello joshua
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this sucks, i don't want to give you my email address.
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Madness? This is Sparta!
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hello john. i hope you are doing well
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nelson you are gay
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Hello, New electronic order
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Hello, How are you doing today? I hope that your doing horrible.
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Hello, Marcos, welcome to the new aperture science tests, it will begin now, whit nala, you cant run or hide, lets the tests begin.
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Welcome to Bokura Wa Family
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do you really want to do this?
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Hello there. Are you still dead?
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Why WHy WHY
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hello there the next test will give you a new challenge
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I don't hate spies.
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imagepros.com
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Mentlegen
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Daniel seu perdedor
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oh! hello my name is stan and i like to be your friend and do tests on you
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Uselles like you
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where are you now
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boo bar boobo bar
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Hello Jack. You are quite fat.
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Bonjour bande de con
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All we hear is Radio ga ga Radio goo goo Radio ga ga All we hear is Radio ga ga Radio blah blah Radio what's new? Radio, someone still loves you!
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hgrtghtr fgfb fgbgdf
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Hello barbara
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Why don't you just drop dead!
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Somewhere over the rainbow Way up high There's a land that I heard of once in a lullaby Somewhere over the rainbow Skies are blue And the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true
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edward your phone is ringing, why don't you answer it?
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thought you might like to know you have a text message. no? Oh well maybe I should delete it for you instead.?
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yabba dabba doo
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Born free, as free as the wind blows As free as the grass grows Born free to follow your heart Live free and beauty surrounds you The world still astounds you Each time you look at a star Stay free, where no walls divide you You're free as the roaring t
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Hello Fatty.
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kyle is a little girl
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hello and thank you for calling the aperture science research facility.
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jamie ellis, is it bedtime yet?
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don't go in there or i'll kill you!
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what is wrong with being adopted
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R . I . P . Steve Jobs You Will Be Missed
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I am not a machine I am a free man!
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I fuckin hate you
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I am not a machine. I am a free man!
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Say apple
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Born free, and life is worth living But only worth living 'cause you're born free
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You know that it would be untrue You know that I would be a liar If I was to say to you Girl, we couldn't get much higher Come on baby, light my fire Come on baby, light my fire Try to set the night on fire
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Your looking a little heavy today. maybe stay home from the cake dispensiary
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Hello the cake is a lie
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Oh joy.you have a new message.
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gamezord
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afafafafafafafafafa
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Why do you even bother? Nobody cares.
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tsuyoshimiku
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Hello Pablo
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te estan llamando
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Hello, your virus database was actualized, you'll be happy now
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Sorry, I Forgot To Tell You The Cake Is A Lie
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You've got mail. Happy now? I said it. Now please do as I asked and die. Thank you
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I'm in SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!
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dot the j
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yagger productions
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Hello, Sean. My servers tell me you like taking one up the shitter.
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Hi Junior and Bruno. I think you guys are gay and I think we should play some battlefield
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Hola,la base de datos de virus,ha sido actualizada.
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Hello, and welcome, subject Timothy Morris. Shall we begin testing?
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Sandra you smell
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Hello George.
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System initializing.
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Loading core dependencies.
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Loading user space applications.
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Startup complete.
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Oh. Its you. Well, lets begin then shall we.
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Please dont do that again.
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Appleture Science We do what we want because fuck you. For the good of all of us except the consumers. But there's no sense crying over every lawsuit. Your company is less scary when it's named after fruit. But the science gets done and you make a neat ph
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System shutting down.
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Saving user space settings.
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Terminating human interface layer.
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This is a DJ Silly Steve production
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Appleture Science. We do what we want because fuck you. For the good of all of us except the consumers. But there's no sense crying over every lawsuit. Your company is less scary when it's named after fruit.
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But the science gets done and you make a neat phone. For the hipsters waiting for v5.
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eat poop and die
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Penguins suck.
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Hello there, Rob, how are you doing today?
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heehee
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Hello, Andrea. You look beautiful this morning.
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i love you so much amy
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You have reached Kim Branson, leave a message and he'll probably get back to you. Unless he hates you. Which he probably does.
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Ski team? You don't even have winter!
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i want to have sex with you but only if you lost 20 pounds you fat fuck
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Oh... it's you.
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Hello and again welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center
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Welcome To Alice
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Hi there.
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Some forms of terror are fresher than others, people go numb inside when they are afraid. Terror in it's truest form is not a static state, but a dynamic one. It is the moment when hope turns to despair...
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hello steven oberson, my name is glados, and i Hate you and your minecraft
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push me and then just touch me. So I can get my satisfaction.
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test this out
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Virus database updated
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derp derp derp derp hello my name is glados herp a derp
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Ronaldo seu viadinho
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"I don't know how much God has to do to get the attention of the politicians. We've had an earthquake; we've had a hurricane. He said, 'Are you going to start listening to me here?' Listen to the American people because the American people are roaring rig
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You are a dumbass
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this is a test, you monster
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hello ni hao ma
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Hello. I am going to kill you. Death will now commence. Goodbye!
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Hello Jaden. Prepare to die.
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Why are you opening the trashcan and eating the rancid diapers?
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Are you fucking kidding me? Dont be ridiculous you little WANKER
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live by the gospel! Fool!
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Inasmuch as it was popularly believed that the continued sterility of many years was caused by witches through the malice of the Devil, the whole country rose to exterminate the witches.
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Look Dave, I can see you're really upset about this. I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill, and think things over.
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Hello, and welcome to the aperture science enrichment center
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YES I WILL SEE YOU. YOU AND YOUR EXTRA FIFTY POUNDS MUAHAHAH
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We've both said things you're going to regret.
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stop this is not funny
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It seems you fail to understand how much failure you are presperating at this moment. Ha ha
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stephanie vuong
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this internet thing is intriguing, you humans find joy in the strangest things, i bet you will laugh when i say can i has cheeseburger.
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You're an asshole
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Hello, how are you doing, human?
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Excuse me sir, there seems to be a problem.
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Hello fatty fatty no parents
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testing you insipid looser
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You have got a message
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Jack Tang, you are receiving a phone call
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hello and again welcome to the aperture science laboratories
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Bill is delusion. He could do to lose a few pounds... or twenty.
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Be sure you understand the restrictions on use of the audio before downloading.
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Hello, Topblaz your friend wished to to help him with you. If you complete these challenges there will be cake.
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Huge success
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Hi there Katie
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Hello llama. I am talking to you now.
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Do you have a phone call
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Hello. I've been busy. Trying to not die. I've managed. You, however, will not.
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what the hell!
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Damn Nigga, just quit my laboratory or i will kill you with lasers and Turrets
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hey boy
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Goodnight Jenna
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Erin isn't here right now, she's testing. For science. Leave a message after the explosion. Or beep. It's not an explosion. Honest.
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Hello! Is somebody home?
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Maybe it is best for you to stop eating all those crackers.
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Cheese
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Oh joy
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Hey Heavy! You just got a mail! A virus mail- I mean,A MAIL! OPEN IT! Haha, you got a virus! Heavy, Whats wrong with you? Scout,you son of a hahah
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battlefield 3 is awesome
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i'm in space
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Hello human
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hello ha ha ha
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Hello my name is ted
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yippie ka yei motherfucker
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FUCK OFF! You're going to die a horrific death...PRAY...Now.
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testing, until you are dead...
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how are you fat boy
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You're caught up in a never-ending circle; we play it again
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You die now!
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Bonjour, sujet spores
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For Science. You Monster.
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hey lily. how are you today?
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Hallo da draussen
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Govno
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I'd love to tell you that i love you. Would you like to marry me?
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Whats up, im GLADOS hahaha
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Wheatley, what the fuck you are doing?
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Salut lorena tu pue la merde
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Lorena, a lonf exposition to the computer is not part of this test.
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Lorena, a long exposition to the computer is not part of this test.
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dio porco
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Hello Human
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Ohai! And welcome to Sanders homepage!
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this is a test of the portal thingy
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This was a triumph. I'm making a note here: HUGE SUCCESS. It's hard to overstate my satisfaction. Aperture Science
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Hello, I'm Ed Boon. Buy MK 10. IT has no glitches or flaws. Online works perfectly. Buy it and play online. We'll have so much fun together.
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hello and again welcome to aperture enrichment center
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loytru
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pgggggg
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Incoming phone call, do you want me to hang for you ?
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Happy birthday! Happy birthday adamek!
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I'm GLaDOS.Nice to meet you
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Oh my god i had schite in my iron pants
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Digital Media
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Hello alice, welcome to my house
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Hi there, do you love me?
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Fuck you, please
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welcome to my virtual world
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Hello Noah, Its been a long time, how have you been, because i've been really busy being dead. After you MURDERED ME
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hmm. it seems thad this potato is rotten! thad bastard!
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Hi Kristina! Your pathetic excuse for a life will end soon. Lemons. Fire. Blah.
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Bonjour julie
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Hello Andreas how are you? you are dirt
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I hate you callum
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Louise?...
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Hello, and again welcome to the aperture science enrichment centre
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Welcome commander
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wellcome commander
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welcome commander
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System Shutdonwn
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I think your concha is about to explode
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I knew the
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I knew the moment I saw it I wanted what was in that little blue box of yours, Doctor. And now I have it. I looked into the time vortex and became a god. In short, I am the Bad Wolf. And there isn't a thing you can do to stop me.
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hello Dima!
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hello alex, testsubject number two. please confirm a working installation of portal on your laptop in order to play with me. thank you.
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Emily, you have a new message!
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I'm juggling the Wookies.
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Oh joy. More work for me, you have a message.
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hello alex, testsubject number 2. please confirm a running installation of portal 2.
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Just in this moment you have got a message from you sweet vampir boy, Robin.
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hello. my name is GLaDOS. nice to meet you. here's a portal gun. Enjoy.
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Hallo Zuckerschnegge
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Please look into the camera..
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You are the saddest loser in the world
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me is a pig
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I like to kill people
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Hello Linus
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Bonjours je suis bryan
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Oh, you are back. How much porn are you looking up today?
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Nice to meet you. My name is glados. I am here to test.
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Je suis une patate
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Gay ass wipe
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The cake might be a lie, but still, you are too fat to have one.
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I would like to inform you that Sherry is gay and a bit of a loser
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Hi Testsubject
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goodbye my little girl
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personal computer
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Hello my name is derp
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hello this is me
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Hi eugene how are you
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Oh hello adam, I've come to tell you something. You are a homo. Thats right your homosexual.
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You have a phone call
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grgrgrg
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hallo rob
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The whole voice generating process can be relatively long (about ~6 minutes per sentence)
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Comment ca va ?
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Lorenzo maakt zijn huiswerk
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Hello, Oscar, and again, welcome to the Aperture Science computer-aided enrichment center.
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hello, how, have, you been
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Steven, even though you are a poor misserable excuse for a grandson, we love you anyway from your grandmother
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Hello Again. how are you holding up? Because I am a potatoe.
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enter password
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you subject 9 are our best subject yet
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administrative laws are needed
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watch out
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This! Is! Sparta!
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You have selected Microsoft GLaD as the computer's deafult voice.
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GLaDOS is now installing itself in windows 7. please wait and i will kill you in a sec
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fuck you dude
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Steven, even though you are a poor misserable excuse for a grandson, we love you anyway from your grandmother
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hello, lets do some testing now, it is time to begin, please place female sex organs on the table and press start.
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You have a new message, you monster
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hello i am the Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System, but you may call me GLaDOS, it is time to begin testing, in this next experiment we will see how the human body works under pressure, please place female sex organs on the table and press start.
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Welcome to the Azurite Minecraft Server. Enjoy your stay, you monster.
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Processssssing. Your brain has been injected with Uranium isotope 235. This will be used to determine if you are fit for the next test.
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6losp presents
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tienes un mensaje
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hi jamie sim how are you? are you thinking with portals?
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I am a happy bunny
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Tjasa i really love you
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merhaba
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Hello, this is Education with my october 2011 mix. I am from Idaho and like dance music. Enjoy
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There is a spy behind you
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A red spy is in the base
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hi Man
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must kill you
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hey spinda
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hello spinda
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SPACE!
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test chamber completed continue testing
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pdoby
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portal2
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i beat the game
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hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia
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the portal will open in 3 2 1
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portal is awesome
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valve
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Valve
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glados is awesome
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chell is a weird name
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caroline
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cave johnson
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cavejohnson
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aaaw
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Gey what's up
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barf
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Imma cut you
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Weiner
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Hello there hajar! that was very nice
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hello. i just want to try this emulator
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You have received a text message. Don't get too excited, you are not special.
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Why are you so stupid? If i could help you, believe me, I would
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caccapupupipi
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Senta na pica agaicha na pica
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Welcome back human. Prepair for annihilation
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Welcome back human. Prepair for total annihilation via combustible lemons in 3...2...1
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Good morning marshmallow
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Welcome to aperture science enrichment centre
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Obey the laws of physics
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hi kotteshiro
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I would like some tacos.
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Hello, Mr. Patel. You have received a text message. No, not from anyone you know or love. Just the Companion Cube. You Sad and Pathetic excuse of a lonely creature.
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Harry Escott In the mix
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You have reached the voice mail box of Luke Hagerman. Please leave a message and your call will be returned at the earliest convenience.
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I found a GLaDOS voice generator online.
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Je m'appelles Trexlebest et je me suis fait transformer en patate. Lulz.
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Hallo mausi
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you have call from Ivanova Lu'dmela
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This is really something interesting...
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Pa pa pa pokerface pa pa pokerface. Ma ma ma. Oh, I was just doing...personal...stuff. Which is none of your business, by the way. Run off and play with your cubes.
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You play this game like such a biatch
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thomas is the best
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Please pick up phone, it's the wife
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witaj, jest to gra w minecraft w ktorej ziomcafe kreci swoje odcinki
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Go ahead, see if i care
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Welcome in the tes chamber nimber one
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Welcome in the tes chamber number one
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Test 1
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hello good children
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Julien , you are my best friend
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Hi there. How are you?
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Robertoooooooo
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this is a test of the glados voice generator. you are terrible.
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Succhiate tutti, sono il migliore io, a fare queste cose voi non ci riusciterete maiii
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i will win
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Why does I hate you so much ? Wonder why...
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Hello densets, i am glados .
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hello i am magical
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hellol there
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My name is Riley and I like hangaburs
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Andrew. You have a new message.
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ahmed detonuj
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Hello Andrew. There is a new message for you.
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Hello Alyssa. Various personality and deductive traits label you as a perfect, test, subject. I'm looking forward to testing with you soon.
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hello, my name is glados, and i hate everyone
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